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Old 02-26-2017, 05:05 AM   #9586
drjd
The Couch Potato
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For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.

After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. As he handed the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I went to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."

"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself this evening. We have sound now."
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Old 02-27-2017, 01:36 AM   #9587
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If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.
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Old 02-27-2017, 03:37 AM   #9588
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A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

Then a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah, right."
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Old 02-27-2017, 05:02 PM   #9589
badgoodDeb
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A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

Then a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah, right."
I've always loved this one! I heard the punchline as "yeah, yeah" when it was first told. Probably in Reader's Digest, cuz that's where I read funny things in years past.
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Old Yesterday, 03:07 AM   #9590
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Is that a sandwich?
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Turning vegan is a big missed steak.
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Old Yesterday, 04:59 AM   #9591
drjd
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I wanted to take home the left-overs from the BBQ, but someone else foiled my plans.
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Old Yesterday, 09:14 PM   #9592
yvanleterrible
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I've always loved this one! I heard the punchline as "yeah, yeah" when it was first told. Probably in Reader's Digest, cuz that's where I read funny things in years past.
Me too. Maybe it's the reason why we stick around here.
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Old Today, 02:03 AM   #9593
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Is that a sandwich?
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My friend really changed when she became vegetarian, it's like I've never seen herbivore.
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Old Today, 03:41 AM   #9594
drjd
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During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.

The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.

After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say....

"You see, it IS vanishing cream!"
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