09-09-2013, 04:34 PM | #7021 |
binomial: homo legentem
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09-09-2013, 06:47 PM | #7022 |
Snoozing in the sun
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Sent to me by my blonde cousin:
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Oceanside Police Force. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So you all want to be cops, huh?” The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, “To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth.” So saying that, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. “Now,” he said, “did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?” The blonde immediately said, “Yes, I did, he has only one eye!” The detective shook his head and said, “Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It’s a profile of his face! You’re dismissed!” The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office. The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, “What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?” “Yes, He only has one ear!” The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, “Didn’t you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man’s face! Of course you can only see one ear! You’re excused too!” The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office. The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, “This is probably a waste of time but ----“ He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and said, “All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?” The blonde said, “I sure did. This man wears contact lenses.” The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde and said, “You’re absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?” The blonde rolled her eyes and said, “Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses!” |
09-10-2013, 05:34 AM | #7024 |
Close to the Edit!
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"How do you feel about being diagnosed bipolar?" the doctor asked.
"Jolly upset," I admitted. |
09-10-2013, 04:14 PM | #7025 |
Is that a sandwich?
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09-10-2013, 04:27 PM | #7026 |
Reborn Paper User
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09-11-2013, 01:10 AM | #7027 |
Home Guard
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09-11-2013, 01:54 AM | #7028 |
Is that a sandwich?
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09-11-2013, 03:30 AM | #7029 |
Close to the Edit!
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09-11-2013, 08:45 AM | #7030 |
Grand Sorcerer
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(Thanks Orlok; I thought people might find this easier to read).
WHY LIFE IS, AS IT IS On the first day, God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes along. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.' The dog said: '20 years ? That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?' So God agreed. On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.' The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform the same tricks. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?' And God agreed. On the third day, God created the cow and said: 'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.' The cow said: '60 years? That's a long time for such a tough life that you want me to live. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?' And God agreed again. On the fourth day, God created humans and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, be merry, marry, and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.' But the human said: 'Only twenty years, that’s not much time to enjoy life? Since they aren’t going to be using them, couldn’t you possibly give me my twenty years, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back too; that makes eighty in all, okay?' 'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.' So that is why for our first twenty years as humans we eat, sleep, play, make merry and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been explained to you. |
09-11-2013, 09:23 AM | #7031 |
Grand Sorcerer
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^But I'm only foty and already sitting on the porch and barking at everyone.
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09-11-2013, 01:34 PM | #7032 |
the snarky blue one
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Then I guess you're living your live out of sequence. Get back on track tin man.
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09-11-2013, 02:28 PM | #7033 |
Grand Sorcerer
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Backwards like Mork from Ork?
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09-11-2013, 03:28 PM | #7034 |
binomial: homo legentem
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09-11-2013, 03:40 PM | #7035 |
Close to the Edit!
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