Unutterably Silly Escape Committee

[LazyScot]

<over eighteen hours ago...>

<Just audible in the corridor outside>

Originally Posted by GeoffC

Don't look now, but it looks like LazyScot has managed to escape - he ain't here!!!

Yawn. Stretch. Harumph. Well sleeping doesn't seem to be getting me out of here.

Yeeek! Fall asleep for a little bit and you wake up like an extra in Dr Frankestein's laboratory.

<disentangles hand from scary metal work, and disconnects polygraph electrodes. As this is happening a collection of folded paper falls out, and lands next to a small paper bag on the sofa.>

What huh? <Opens bag, takes out note. Reads>
Would you like some chocolate covered espresso beans? They might help (and with your caffeine withdrawal, too). Just don't tell the nurses. Nekokami.
Ohh. Nice. Contraband...

<throws a handful into his mouth and shoves bag into his pocket, and picks up the papers, and unfolds them.>

Route to escape tunnel YES! Thank you RickyMaveety. Hm. I wonder why he didn't sign it. Oh well.

<stands up. starts mumbling, counting and walking in deranged circles round the room, ending up in a corner facing a previous un-noticed and apparently pointless light switch.>
"And press the switch three times quickly..". Ouch.
<shakes his sore left hand, and tries again with his right hand.>
1.. 2.. 3...
Yarragggh!
<Disappears though a trap door that just opened up, revealing a pitch-black frightening tunnel, and the trap door starts to shut again. Heard from off-camera, coming out of the tunnel:>
Yes! YES! Thank-you RickyMaveety. I'm f---
<the trap door shuts sealed closed, completely soundproofed.>

[pshrynk]

Well, there's your problem, then. RickyMaveety is female. At least, she says she is. You were talking with the faux Ricky who just likes to mess things up.

[LazyScot]

<Back in the present.

In some mis-begotten attempt to calm people, the song "Mamma Mia" is just audible in the background.

Something of paniced explosion and the invisible trap door opens again, and dishevelled, dirty, scared, violently shaking, very grumpy, and sleep-deprived LazyScot crawls back into the room. The trap door closes, and is glared at by LazyScot. The now closed and invisible trap-door shrugs indifferently, which elicits a confused double take.>

Escape tunnel???. Set a Guillermo del Torro film of Hunt the Wumpus, with me in the title-role, more like.

<shudders>

RickyMaavety. RickyMaavety!!! And my ice-cream and popcorn are gone. Duck-billed armadillopuss? Tuck-filled Abba-pillo-wuss more like.
Wait till I get my hands on...

What? No, I've not had my tea yet. No - I'm fine, thank you very much. I will not have a cup of tea. No honestly. I will not.
Well yes, a drink would be nice, but I'd rather not... Okay. Okay If you'll just stop saying "you will"; I'll have a cup (Sheesh; practising for a part in Father Ted are we?)
Yes that's very kind.

See, I'm having my tea.

<takes swallow.>

[B]Thump.[B] Zzzzz....

<Pause. Opens one eye and looks around. Ascertaining that the nurse has left opens other eye and checks. Sits up and spits out tea back into cup.>

Look. You've got to take me to the Escape committee chair. I have vital information. There is somewhere here who isn't what they seem. And I've got vital information to get out of here. Yes, yes. Blindfold me if you have to, but let me speak to the chair and vice chair.

But could you wait a few hours? some of us have work to do....

[pshrynk]

Who did we elect as chair? Me? I thought that was me running for President in '04! Escape Committee chair as well, huh? I guess that would be Patricia as Vice-chair, then. Seems to be a bit strange to have one of the Moderators as the Vice Chair of the Escape Committee, however.

Ah, well. Stranger things have happened.

Like one of Marc's retro chronically inverted parties, for example.

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by pshrynk

Like one of Marc's retro chronically inverted parties, for example.

Have we had/will we have/are we having one - Marc's awfully quiet on this subject - or is that a sureal chronologically touchy subject after the last/next/this one...
Not forgetting ZP's bash to come sometime in the not too distant future, though if we miss this one, there's always the next; (although she may be happier to have last year's again, or the one before that, or even 5)...

[RickyMaveety]

Originally Posted by pshrynk

Well, there's your problem, then. RickyMaveety is female. At least, she says she is. You were talking with the faux Ricky who just likes to mess things up.

Hey ... hey .... HEY!! Slayda's first cousin, Sandra, has actually met the real live hideously deformed old lady behind the armadillo avatar!!

and .... hmmmpf!! "Tuck-filled Abba-pillo-wuss" indeed!! See if I ever help LazyScot find the .... the .... something ....

What was the question??

[LazyScot]

Originally Posted by RickyMaveety

and .... hmmmpf!! "Tuck-filled Abba-pillo-wuss" indeed!! See if I ever help LazyScot find the .... the .... something ....

What was the question??

Who are you?

Have the chair and vice-chair turned up. I can't see anything thro' this blindfold.

Okay; so you're giving me the silent treatment.

Look, you've got a mole who is leaking your plans. And I know who it is. He's RickyMaveety...

Originally Posted by pshrynk

Well, there's your problem, then. RickyMaveety is female.

What??? Okay. Then your mole is the male RickyMaveety. You have to find the person who isn't RickyMaveety and neutralised them. No; I said neutralise -- that would just be cruel. You'll do it then? Hello?

Anyway. I have vital information about, well I can't say. You'll just have to trust me.I have got to get out and get in touch with... well better you don't know. You...

Yes I know I'm a bit hyper. I spent nearly 20 hours being chased through twisty corridors and scared, er, witless, with nothing but a large bag of chocolate espresso beans to eat and a small set of folded papers. No I don't have any of the beans left. No I don't have the papers, and I was so scared you really really really wouldn't want them now.

Where was I. Oh yes. That's not important just now, I must get out of here. I suspect the doctors are onto me, so once I break out you'll need to have someone to cover for me, who will never, ever tell them where I've gone too. Look, I know it is preposterous, but I'm trustworthy -- I've never even stood for political office. Okay. Okay. The magic phrase is "Ad Nap".

Convinced? Hello? Is anyone there?

So you've got to get me out of here. What? I don't know -- step up the glider plans or find some stupid plot device lying about somewhere.

<Looks thoughtful, behind the blindfold. Stands up and starts walking in small circles, punching his hand with his fist.>

Plot device; of course -- how could I be so stupid. The Library! The "Classic scripts of our time" section. It's infinitely impossible, but it might just work. If it works, it'll be a miracle, but dammit Janet, it'll work. Look, I can get some of you out of here. You need no longer be a number -- you can be free creatures!

Right -- you need to get the escape team together. How many? I don't know -- however many fit into a projection booth. Now, get them ready to leave at a moments notice, with all the supplies. Find our mole and throw him into that hole I came out of. And get me an inexhaustible supply of fresh cups of really hot tea.

<Runs off, dizzily, in a random direction believed to be towards the library, shouting>

Nurse. Nurse! I must see the script to Hellzapoppin'. I must hav---THump. Zzzzz...

<Having completely mis-judged the direction of the door, and unable to see because of the blindfold, LazyScot runs full speed into the wall and knocks himself out.>

<The chair and vice-chair look at each other and try to decide if it would be even vaguely safe to let him follow through with his plan, whatever it is, and whether he is more dangerous with or without the blindfold...>

[RickyMaveety]

But, that's just Panda .... backwards ....

[GeoffC]

I give in...

You were given perfectly clear instructions, and you've gone and ignored them-you could have been well gone by now...

I know for a fact that Alice got fed up waiting for you to turn up, so she eloped with the right wabbit instead...

[pshrynk]

Was that the Wight Wevewend Wabbit Woberts?

[GeoffC]

what, what? who where? why....

[LazyScot]

<lying on a bed in a padded room, watched over by professionals, the patient, pale and weak, tosses and turns sweating profusely, trapped in an endless nightmare. Occasional words can just be made out...>

tunnel... secret of uisge... labyrinth... giant rabbits... the panda menance... awful sequels.... traitors.... 12 gauge needles.... elvish gliders.....

<the professionals debate, sadly, between themselves. Is there any hope for the patient? What can be done. Eventually the conclude that further sedation is the best hope. With the care and attention one expects of professionals they gentle apply the sedation. With the aid of a length of four-by-two.>

[RickyMaveety]

Originally Posted by pshrynk

Was that the Wight Wevewend Wabbit Woberts?

No .... that's the Dwed Piwate Woberts. The Wevewend is wealy a Bishop, but I fowget his last name.

[RickyMaveety]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

<lying on a bed in a padded room, watched over by professionals, the patient, pale and weak, tosses and turns sweating profusely, trapped in an endless nightmare. Occasional words can just be made out...>

tunnel... secret of uisge... labyrinth... giant rabbits... the panda menance... awful sequels.... traitors.... 12 gauge needles.... elvish gliders.....

<the professionals debate, sadly, between themselves. Is there any hope for the patient? What can be done. Eventually the conclude that further sedation is the best hope. With the care and attention one expects of professionals they gentle apply the sedation. With the aid of a length of four-by-two.>

Giant Rabbits, hmmmmmm????

[pshrynk]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

<lying on a bed in a padded room, watched over by professionals, the patient, pale and weak, tosses and turns sweating profusely, trapped in an endless nightmare. Occasional words can just be made out...>

tunnel... secret of uisge... labyrinth... giant rabbits... the panda menance... awful sequels.... traitors.... 12 gauge needles.... elvish gliders.....

<the professionals debate, sadly, between themselves. Is there any hope for the patient? What can be done. Eventually the conclude that further sedation is the best hope. With the care and attention one expects of professionals they gentle apply the sedation. With the aid of a length of four-by-two.>

Roit! Time for the electrodes! Geoff, since you've experienced this procedure before, could you lend a hand? My usual accomplice, er assistant seems to be absent today.

Put that red one over his heart, the green one on his forehead, the blue one next to the fish, and the brown one... Well, you might want to glove up for that one. Give the old hand crank a few runs, now, would you?


>>YEEEEEAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!<<<

Nothing like a bit of electricity to perk up the old wascally wabbit, eh, what?