Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[drjd]

Grammar Kills


The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new apprentice willing to work long, hard hours.

He instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil.
When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.”

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he’s the new village blacksmith.

[orlok]

[drjd]

The meaning of opaque is unclear.

[crich70]

Holmes and Watson go camping and have some liquid refreshment before bed.
A few hrs later Holmes wakes up and looks up at the stars. He nudges Watson awake and asks him what he sees.
Watson says he sees Stars, many, many stars. Holmes asks him what that means to him.
"Well" says Watson, " It says to me that:
1) the universe is vast with possibly many other living creatures.
2) that it's almost 3 am
3) that Leo is ascending
4) that we human beings are not as great as we think we are in contrast to the size of the cosmos which God has created. What does it tell you Holmes?"
"Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent!"

[crich70]

Originally Posted by drjd

The meaning of opaque is unclear.

As is the idea of a 'blind taste test.' Everyone knows you taste with your mouth not your eyes.

[drjd]

Originally Posted by crich70

As is the idea of a 'blind taste test.' Everyone knows you taste with your mouth not your eyes.

[drjd]

A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.

He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

[drjd]

Why did the referee get fired? Because he was a whistle blower!

[orlok]

I went to the off-licence on my bike today and bought a bottle vodka. I put it in a bag and hung it from the handlebars. Then it occurred to me, that if I fall off or something happens, then the bottle might break. So I drank it all, right then and there!

It's just as well I did, 'cause I fell off 7 times on the way home.

[drjd]

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall, "$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!"

When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!

The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me that time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"

[WT Sharpe]

Originally Posted by drjd

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall, "$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!"

When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!

The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me that time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"

That one's been around a while. Check out this video and fast forward to the segment that starts at 18:12 and ends at 20:05:

[drjd]

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

That one's been around a while. Check out this video and fast forward to the segment that starts at 18:12 and ends at 20:05:

[drjd]

A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?"

He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"

[crich70]

Q. Why was the belt thrown into jail?

Spoiler:

A. He held up a pair of pants!

[orlok]

I have a friend that is so scared of cheese that he breaks out in a cold sweat just at the thought of it.

It's a nightmare trying to get him to smile when having a photo taken.