Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 657

Fbone · 08-12-2017, 07:07 PM

Me: Ummm Hi, how much is the rent for this lovely apartment?

Lady: Sir, this is a liquor store.

poohbear_nc · 08-12-2017, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

Me: Ummm Hi, how much is the rent for this lovely apartment?

Lady: Sir, this is a liquor store.

[will you sublet?]

Fbone · 08-14-2017, 01:23 AM

It's okay password, I'm insecure too.

drjd · 08-14-2017, 07:36 AM

"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said the teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy, confidently. "Means carrying a child."

drjd · 08-15-2017, 04:38 AM

Moonshine is distilled in the still of the night to escape detection?

DMcCunney · 08-15-2017, 03:00 PM

http://www.thisiscolossal.com/wp-con...8/kunert-2.jpg

(The image is a photograph from German photographer Frank Kunert, who constructs miniature scenes and photographs them.)
______
Dennis

Fbone · 08-15-2017, 03:19 PM

“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”

PoP · 08-15-2017, 08:22 PM

Kasparov, un échec!

yvanleterrible · 08-16-2017, 05:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PoP

Kasparov, un échec!

Si on commence en Français on a pas fini!

drjd · 08-17-2017, 06:54 AM

Militarization. Now that’s all arming.

Fbone · 08-18-2017, 01:22 AM

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

drjd · 08-18-2017, 05:04 AM

The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a nature history lesson.

'Worker ants,' she told them, 'can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?'

One child was ready with the answer, 'They don't have a union?'

Bilbo1967 · 08-22-2017, 06:22 AM

It's Edinburgh Fringe Festival time again, and every year they publish the top 15 jokes. From the BBC website, here they are;

Quote:

1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng

2. Redacted - belongs in the P&R Forum

3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle

4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz

5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field

6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons

7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin

8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne

9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel

10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King

11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes

12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff

13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang

14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess

15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine

My favourite is actually number 5.

drjd · 08-24-2017, 04:59 AM

^ All excellent!

drjd · 08-24-2017, 05:00 AM

Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats, but they soon get the hang of it.

08-15-2017, 03:00 PM	#9846
DMcCunney New York Editor Posts: 6,384 Karma: 16540415 Join Date: Aug 2007 Device: PalmTX, Pocket eDGe, Alcatel Fierce 4, RCA Viking Pro 10, Nexus 7	This explains so much... http://www.thisiscolossal.com/wp-con...8/kunert-2.jpg (The image is a photograph from German photographer Frank Kunert, who constructs miniature scenes and photographs them.) ______ Dennis

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08-12-2017, 07:07 PM	#9841
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Me: Ummm Hi, how much is the rent for this lovely apartment? Lady: Sir, this is a liquor store.

08-14-2017, 01:23 AM	#9843
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	It's okay password, I'm insecure too.

08-14-2017, 07:36 AM	#9844
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said the teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy, confidently. "Means carrying a child."

08-15-2017, 04:38 AM	#9845
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Moonshine is distilled in the still of the night to escape detection?

08-15-2017, 03:19 PM	#9847
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”

08-15-2017, 08:22 PM	#9848
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,002 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	Kasparov, un échec!

08-17-2017, 06:54 AM	#9850
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Militarization. Now that’s all arming.

08-18-2017, 01:22 AM	#9851
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

08-18-2017, 05:04 AM	#9852
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a nature history lesson. 'Worker ants,' she told them, 'can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?' One child was ready with the answer, 'They don't have a union?'

08-24-2017, 04:59 AM	#9854
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	^ All excellent!

08-24-2017, 05:00 AM	#9855
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats, but they soon get the hang of it.