Alzheimer and falls are awful

[MonicaOP]

Hi, sorry, I just need a place to vent that is not twitter or my family. Feel free to ignore me.

I'm so tired!!! My father started to show signs of Alzheimer almost 4 years ago, but in the past 2 years it was when it really changed our lives.

With the pandemic it was easier to keep him home, but lately, with the fact that we had to close our small business, that we discovered he lost a lot of money and that everything keeps piling up things have been more difficult.

Until 2 weeks ago I never really considered the idea of having to send him to a home where people could take care of him professionally, but on the 30th of October he fell from bed and hit his head, on the 31th he slipped in the bath and hit his head!! And the first of November, he fell from the stairs and hit his head hard again.

He's been checked by his neurologist, he had a tomography and x-rays and we were so amazingly lucky that he had no broken bones or any new strokes, but his brain is really swollen.

He's not walking or even able to sit in the bed, I have to feed him in the mouth and worse of all, his mental issues are much worse right now, he's screaming a lot, acting out in really awful ways and barely sleeping and well he's not letting my mom or me sleep a lot.

The things he speaks about are really disturbing as well, 'cause we have no idea if they are real or not and also when he moves is hard 'cause I have had to get him back to bed several times and really, my whole body is in pain 'cause he's heavy.

I just hope the doctor was right when he said that my father is going to be able to return to being semi-independent and walking when the swelling on his brain gets better.

I'm just so tired!! Tonight has been awful, he's been yelling and arguing and speaking bad words for the past 5 hours instead of sleeping. I just hope he can get some rest soon, and that my mom and I can get some sleep 'cause is 3:37 am and he hasn't stopped.

[issybird]

I’m sorry. I hear you. I was my mother’s caretaker when she was demented and crippled. It is very, very, very hard. Emotionally draining and physically exhausting. The one saving grace is that changes are incremental and that you end up being able to do what you would have considered flatly impossible at the start.

FWIW, and each situation is different, it may be time to think about alternatives or accommodations to both the bathtub and the stairs. For starters, perhaps he can’t be alone with either anymore.

Good luck. I hope he improves as predicted and that you’re able to keep on. Try to plan for the future - but I know it’s just one more damned thing when just keeping your current balls in the air is taking up all your resources.

[Pajamaman]

See how he goes. If he improves, then the situation improves. Clearly youre exhausted so youre not able to think beyound the current situation. Could you maybe get a carer to come in occasionally to give you a break? Local facebook groups are a good place to ask for contacts and reccomendations. It would be hndy to have someone to help lift him too. If you can, get some paid help during this tough period. It will also allow you to begin thinking about the future changes, if need be.

Youre overwhelmed. Get some help. Get a part time carer.

[Sirtel]

I feel ya.

My mom has had dementia for about 4 years now. This last year she has been living in a nursing home. We (I and my sister) had to make this decision, because she couldn't be left alone at all anymore and physically she was in good health, so nothing stopped her from moving about, leaving water running or the stove turned on and so on. Her memory was gone for the most part, even her muscle memory. I lived with her and took care of her to the best of my ability, but that was not enough, as I had to work and sleep, and so did my sister. Part-time carers here aren't really less expensive than a nursing home.

At least Mom isn't aggressive and doesn't need to be locked up, only constant supervision and help. She seems to be in good mood most of the time, walks around in the nursing home, talks with people, watches TV. They have a resident kitten there too. Mom still recognized me the last time we visited her (in October), but not my sister anymore. She no longer talks about home at all, I guess she remembers very little now.

These decisions are difficult and living with yourself after making them is even harder. I got a major depression after Mom left home. Our home is so empty now without her and the whole thing seems awfully unjust to her. She isn't even that old, only 84. Why did it happen to her? Why does it happen to anyone? No one knows.

[timebug]

Two of my family members have suffered this awful disease, and now my oldest friend has early onset Alzheimers. He is mostly okay, but has some weird lapses and abscences,which obviously are not pleasant for his wife and family.

[Sirtel]

Originally Posted by timebug

Two of my family members have suffered this awful disease, and now my oldest friend has early onset Alzheimers. He is mostly okay, but has some weird lapses and abscences,which obviously are not pleasant for his wife and family.

Plus, not every dementia is Alzheimer; there are plenty of other kinds. My mom has vascular dementia, which is pretty widespread as well. The progress has been even more rapid than with Alzheimer.

So even if they manage to find a cure for Alzheimer some day, that still wouldn't help a lot of people with other kinds of dementia.

[MonicaOP]

Is really incredible to see how really spread this health problem is!!

Right now my father is not even really moving anymore. He's been in some kind of delirious state for the past 3 days, he talks and talks and had barely slept.

His doctor made some changes in his medication just moments ago, so wish us luck please!!

I really hope he can stop yelling and cursing at us, is been really difficult for my mom and I.

Hugs and good luck for everyone!!