Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 367

Stitchawl · 10-17-2012, 07:58 PM

HAVING A BAD DAY.......... READ THIS......A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished
to see the bed
was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an
envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed,
'Dad.'

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and, with
trembling hands, read the letter...

"Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid scene
with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she
is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all
her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she
is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy
said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and
has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream
of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't
really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it
with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and
ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for
AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know
your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the
school report card that's on the kitchen table.

Stitchawl

wannabee · 10-17-2012, 08:37 PM

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when
all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into
his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a
driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or
significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff......
..And my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect

Pass this on to your girlfriends who might need a good laugh!
Or to men who need a warning!
And remember: Money talks...chocolate sings.

Another giggle...

My husband, unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring to
monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in
a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time
he'll buy diamonds.

Daithi · 10-17-2012, 09:15 PM

My cousin is a truck driver and while going under a bridge he got his truck stuck. Eventually a cop showed up and said, "Got your truck stuck?"

My cousin smiled and replied, "No, I was delivering this overpass and ran out of gas."

Fbone · 10-17-2012, 10:02 PM

A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

Daithi · 10-18-2012, 12:03 AM

When we were kids, my cousin and I were fishing when this cop walks up asks, "You boys fishing?"

My cousin smiled and replied, "No, we're drowning these here worms."

Fbone · 10-18-2012, 03:27 PM

I slept through the alarm this morning. Good thing it was only a small fire.

orlok · 10-19-2012, 04:26 AM

When I was young I was scared of the dark.

Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.

wannabee · 10-19-2012, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

When I was young I was scared of the dark.

Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.

Oh I am going to steal that. Most in my office at work have seen their electricity bill go from around $300-600 to over a thousand this quarter.

What a shocker! We were stunned.

orlok · 10-19-2012, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wannabee

Oh I am going to steal that. Most in my office at work have seen their electricity bill go from around $300-600 to over a thousand this quarter.

What a shocker! We were stunned.

Same thing has been happening for my Mum in South Africa. Only there to add insult to injury they are also getting planned blackouts that can last for days...

Fbone · 10-19-2012, 03:56 PM

The Wheel: Man's greatest invention until he got behind it.

Bookpossum · 10-19-2012, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

The Wheel: Man's greatest invention until he got behind it.

Here's the culprit!

orlok · 10-20-2012, 07:27 AM

I just saw 9 grim reapers walking down the street drinking beer.

So either it's a Halloween party or somebody's cat just died.

Fbone · 10-20-2012, 02:51 PM

One time when my son was 3 years old, I took him shopping. When we got home, he had a candy bar in his pocket. I didn't buy it, and he certainly didn't buy it, so we marched back to the mall - and we went to the jewelry store.

pilotbob · 10-21-2012, 12:38 AM

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then.....," he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.

orlok · 10-21-2012, 05:48 AM

I was watching Jurassic park the other day, when I thought, "Not only does my son have a stupid name, but he's also a terrible driver".

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10-17-2012, 07:58 PM	#5491
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	HAVING A BAD DAY.......... READ THIS......A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad.' With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and, with trembling hands, read the letter... "Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid scene with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren. Love, your son, Joshua PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report card that's on the kitchen table. Stitchawl

10-17-2012, 08:37 PM	#5492
wannabee Media Bloke Posts: 2,381 Karma: 113956855 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: NSW - Australia Device: iOS	The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!! DANGEROUS: What's for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner? ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that? SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown. SAFEST: WOW! Look at you! ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER: What did I do wrong? SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars. ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that? SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left. SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that? ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: What did you do all day? SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today. SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe! ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate. 13 Things PMS Stands For: 1. Pass My Shotgun 2. Psychotic Mood Shift 3. Perpetual Munching Spree 4. Puffy Mid-Section 5. People Make me Sick 6. Provide Me with Sweets 7. Pardon My Sobbing 8. Pimples May Surface 9. Pass My Sweatpants 10. Pissy Mood Syndrome 11. Plainly; Men Suck 12. Pack My Stuff...... ..And my favorite one... 13. Potential Murder Suspect Pass this on to your girlfriends who might need a good laugh! Or to men who need a warning! And remember: Money talks...chocolate sings. Another giggle... My husband, unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy diamonds.

10-17-2012, 09:15 PM	#5493
Daithi Publishers are evil! Posts: 2,418 Karma: 36205264 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Rhode Island Device: Various Kindles	My cousin is a truck driver and while going under a bridge he got his truck stuck. Eventually a cop showed up and said, "Got your truck stuck?" My cousin smiled and replied, "No, I was delivering this overpass and ran out of gas."

10-17-2012, 10:02 PM	#5494
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

10-18-2012, 12:03 AM	#5495
Daithi Publishers are evil! Posts: 2,418 Karma: 36205264 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Rhode Island Device: Various Kindles	When we were kids, my cousin and I were fishing when this cop walks up asks, "You boys fishing?" My cousin smiled and replied, "No, we're drowning these here worms."

10-18-2012, 03:27 PM	#5496
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I slept through the alarm this morning. Good thing it was only a small fire.

10-19-2012, 04:26 AM	#5497
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.

10-19-2012, 03:56 PM	#5500
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	The Wheel: Man's greatest invention until he got behind it.

10-20-2012, 07:27 AM	#5502
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	I just saw 9 grim reapers walking down the street drinking beer. So either it's a Halloween party or somebody's cat just died.

10-20-2012, 02:51 PM	#5503
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	One time when my son was 3 years old, I took him shopping. When we got home, he had a candy bar in his pocket. I didn't buy it, and he certainly didn't buy it, so we marched back to the mall - and we went to the jewelry store.

10-21-2012, 12:38 AM	#5504
pilotbob Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,832 Karma: 11844413 Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Tampa, FL USA Device: Kindle Touch	A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then.....," he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.

10-21-2012, 05:48 AM	#5505
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	I was watching Jurassic park the other day, when I thought, "Not only does my son have a stupid name, but he's also a terrible driver".