02-15-2013, 06:55 PM | #6076 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,189
Karma: 100500000
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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"My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game."
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02-15-2013, 07:05 PM | #6077 |
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 8,501
Karma: 64095689
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Harrisburg outskirts
Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1
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02-16-2013, 12:02 AM | #6078 |
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 12,167
Karma: 73448616
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Toronto
Device: Nexus 7, Clara, Touch, Tolino EPOS
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A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me." The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make this woman truly happy." The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge"? |
02-16-2013, 07:58 PM | #6079 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,189
Karma: 100500000
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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After 12 years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
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02-17-2013, 08:04 AM | #6080 |
Guru
Posts: 932
Karma: 15752887
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Norway
Device: Ipad, kindle paperwhite
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02-17-2013, 04:16 PM | #6081 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,189
Karma: 100500000
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.
"He says you’re gonna die." |
02-17-2013, 05:42 PM | #6082 | |
The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠
Posts: 71,506
Karma: 306214458
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Norfolk, England
Device: Kindle Voyage
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Quote:
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02-17-2013, 11:32 PM | #6083 |
Zealot
Posts: 122
Karma: 2514066
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Australia
Device: Kindle Oasis 2&3, Paperwhites, Kindle Touch, Kobo Clara, IPad Air2
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Three dead bodies turn up at the Dublin mortuary all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
'First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year old mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector', says the Coroner. 'Second body: Hamish Campbell, Scotsman, 25, won £50,000 on the lottery. Spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.' The Inspector asked, 'What about the third body?' 'Ah,' says the coroner, 'this is the most unusual one. Paddy Murphy, Irish, 30, struck by lightning.' 'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector. 'He thought he was having his picture taken'. |
02-18-2013, 09:34 AM | #6084 |
Close to the Edit!
Posts: 9,797
Karma: 267994408
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK
Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"
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Apologies in advance...
Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't try to surprise Oscar Pistorius. |
02-18-2013, 12:52 PM | #6085 |
FUBAR!
Posts: 1,946
Karma: 15018767
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Woodstock, IL
Device: Kindle 3, Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 S
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02-18-2013, 03:14 PM | #6086 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,189
Karma: 100500000
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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Animals may be our friends. But they won’t pick you up at the airport.
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02-18-2013, 06:43 PM | #6087 |
Reborn Paper User
Posts: 8,616
Karma: 15446734
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Que Nada
Device: iPhone8, iPad Air
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02-19-2013, 07:24 AM | #6088 |
Basculocolpic
Posts: 4,356
Karma: 20181319
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Sweden
Device: Kindle 3 WiFi, Kindle 4SO, Kindle for Android, Sony PRS-350 and PRS-T1
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02-19-2013, 08:09 AM | #6089 |
whimsical
Posts: 2,779
Karma: 88193939
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: in darkness
Device: current: PPW 4. brick: K3 & Voyage.
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shortest horror story:
Spoiler:
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02-19-2013, 08:22 AM | #6090 |
Guru
Posts: 880
Karma: 7556602
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: UK
Device: Kindle PW, Win 10 thinkpad 8in
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