Register Guidelines E-Books Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   MobileRead Forums > Miscellaneous > Lounge

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-07-2009, 12:11 PM   #31
rebarnmom
Wizard
rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
rebarnmom's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,289
Karma: 4525055
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: rural Illinois, USA
Device: Sony PRS-700 (traded in), Sony PRS-650
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me, the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?

"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
rebarnmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2009, 12:23 PM   #32
rebarnmom
Wizard
rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
rebarnmom's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,289
Karma: 4525055
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: rural Illinois, USA
Device: Sony PRS-700 (traded in), Sony PRS-650
Ah, for the love of words...!

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are terrifically innovative:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

10. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.

11. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

12. Glibido: All talk and no action.

13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

And the #1 pick:
17. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a**ho**. ( Sorry about the language )
rebarnmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2009, 12:31 PM   #33
Nate the great
Sir Penguin of Edinburgh
Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Nate the great's Avatar
 
Posts: 12,375
Karma: 23555235
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: DC Metro area
Device: Shake a stick plus 1
Did I ever tell you about my university's nanotechnology department? Alas, it is no more; it was downsized.
Nate the great is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2009, 12:35 PM   #34
rebarnmom
Wizard
rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
rebarnmom's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,289
Karma: 4525055
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: rural Illinois, USA
Device: Sony PRS-700 (traded in), Sony PRS-650
Okay... one more (for now).

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son . . .
"Go get your mother."
rebarnmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2009, 12:36 PM   #35
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
zelda_pinwheel's Avatar
 
Posts: 27,827
Karma: 921169
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Paris, France
Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nate the great View Post
Did I ever tell you about my university's nanotechnology department? Alas, it is no more; it was downsized.
aaarg !!! terrible, nate. just terrible.

rebarnmom knows excellent jokes !!
zelda_pinwheel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2009, 12:52 PM   #36
Sparrow
Wizard
Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Posts: 4,395
Karma: 1358132
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: UK
Device: Palm TX, CyBook Gen3
Once upon a time a genie put an enormous magic slide in the MR lounge.

The deal was that when you slid down it, you got whatever you wished for.

Pshrynk was first to the top, pushed himself off, shouted 'Moneeeeey' as he descended - and landed in a big tub of cash.

GeoffC was up next, pushed himself off, shouted 'Choccciiiieeee' - and landed in a huge vat of chocolate.

Then Zelda_Pinwheel wandered in, spotted the slide and dashed to the top, she pushed herself off, threw her arms in the air and shouted 'Weeeeee...'.
Sparrow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2009, 01:04 PM   #37
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
zelda_pinwheel's Avatar
 
Posts: 27,827
Karma: 921169
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Paris, France
Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?
that's revolting sparrow, if i weren't so easygoing i'd be vexed !
zelda_pinwheel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2009, 04:31 PM   #38
rebarnmom
Wizard
rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
rebarnmom's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,289
Karma: 4525055
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: rural Illinois, USA
Device: Sony PRS-700 (traded in), Sony PRS-650
Quote:
Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel View Post
rebarnmom knows excellent jokes !!
Gosh! I didn't know I could earn so much karma for passing along a few jokes!
Thanks to all for the karma!
I'm glad that you are enjoying them!
rebarnmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2009, 12:59 PM   #39
Nate the great
Sir Penguin of Edinburgh
Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Nate the great ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Nate the great's Avatar
 
Posts: 12,375
Karma: 23555235
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: DC Metro area
Device: Shake a stick plus 1
Question: If moonlight is actually sunlight reflected off the moon, then why doesn't it harm vampires?
Nate the great is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2009, 01:25 PM   #40
carandol
Evangelist
carandol ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.carandol ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.carandol ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.carandol ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.carandol ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.carandol ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.carandol ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.carandol ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.carandol ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.carandol ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.carandol ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
carandol's Avatar
 
Posts: 423
Karma: 2153430
Join Date: Dec 2007
Device: BeBook
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nate the great View Post
Question: If moonlight is actually sunlight reflected off the moon, then why doesn't it harm vampires?
Everyone knows vampires can't see reflections!
carandol is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2009, 01:26 PM   #41
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.zelda_pinwheel ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
zelda_pinwheel's Avatar
 
Posts: 27,827
Karma: 921169
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Paris, France
Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?
groaann !!!!
zelda_pinwheel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2009, 02:18 PM   #42
desertgrandma
Enjoying the show....
desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.desertgrandma ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
desertgrandma's Avatar
 
Posts: 14,270
Karma: 10462841
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Arizona
Device: A K1, Kindle Paperwhite, an Ipod, IPad2, Iphone, an Ipad Mini & macAir
(disclaimer....anyone offended by the following........um.....sorry.)


Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?




Beer nuts are a $1.49






Deer nuts are under a buck ba-ba-BOOM!
desertgrandma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2009, 03:00 PM   #43
rebarnmom
Wizard
rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
rebarnmom's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,289
Karma: 4525055
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: rural Illinois, USA
Device: Sony PRS-700 (traded in), Sony PRS-650
In Las Vegas, churches accept gambling chips.
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.

Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks.
rebarnmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2009, 03:04 PM   #44
ShortNCuddlyAm
WWHALD
ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
ShortNCuddlyAm's Avatar
 
Posts: 7,879
Karma: 337114
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Mitcham, Surrey, UK
Device: iPad. Selling my silver 505 here
Quote:
Originally Posted by rebarnmom View Post

This is done by the chip monks.
:groans:
ShortNCuddlyAm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2009, 03:06 PM   #45
rebarnmom
Wizard
rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.rebarnmom ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
rebarnmom's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,289
Karma: 4525055
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: rural Illinois, USA
Device: Sony PRS-700 (traded in), Sony PRS-650
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
rebarnmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library? danwdoo Calibre 8 12-03-2014 06:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-) Gedvondur Introduce Yourself 12 07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background? rlsamson Barnes & Noble NOOK 3 06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released Alexander Turcic Reading and Management 2 02-20-2006 03:47 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:07 AM.


MobileRead.com is a privately owned, operated and funded community.