Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 779

DNSB · 06-26-2022, 01:23 PM

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

Martinoptic · 07-01-2022, 12:30 PM

A snake goes for an eye test at his optometrist and gets new spectacles.
On collection he is very pleased and says his vision is excellent.
The optometrist wishes to see him again in two weeks time to check that all is still well.
Two weeks later the snake returns but very depressed.
The optometrist asks “Whatever is the matter snake? Are the spectacles not working?”
The snake replies “The vision is great but I’ve spent the last three years of my life with a garden hose!”

DNSB · 07-01-2022, 01:10 PM

"What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?"
"Dam."

"What did the wall say back?"
"You dumb bass."

Adoby · 07-04-2022, 07:53 AM

The audiologist asks John, "So what seems to be the problem?"

"My hearing aid suddenly stopped working this morning", John replies.

"Let me have a look at it!", the audiologist says loudly.

"But this is no hearing aid!" the audiologist says. "This is a suppository!"

After a long silence, John says, "I think I know where my hearing aid is..."

cromag · 07-05-2022, 03:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DNSB

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

Holdwink · 07-05-2022, 09:10 AM

A searcher of truth asked a wise man the secret of peace and truth in this life.
The wise man said “Quite simple actually. Whenever I am confronted by a fool I always just agree with whatever he says.”
Searcher says “That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.”
Wise man replies “ Yes, you are right.”

DNSB · 07-06-2022, 12:20 AM

A company where I used to work provided four-foot-high cubicles so each employee can have some privacy. One day a co-worker had an exasperating phone conversation with one of her teenage sons. After hanging up, she heaved a sigh and said, "No one ever listens to me."

Immediately, several voices from surrounding cubicles called out, "Yes, we do."

drjd · 07-18-2022, 05:28 AM

An interim school superintendent, speaking at a city-wide PTA luncheon, assured members that he was always happy to hear from them about problems. He told them, "You can call me day or night, at this number . . ."

Suddenly there was a cry from the assistant superintendent. "Hey," he exclaimed, "that's MY number!"

drjd · 07-20-2022, 05:31 AM

Question: What's the name of the Greek god of humor?

Answer: Hilarios.

DNSB · 07-21-2022, 12:58 AM

Customer: What’s the Wi-Fi password?
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.
Customer: OK, I’ll have a Rusty Nail.
Bartender: Nine dollars.
Customer: There you go. So what’s the Wi‑Fi password?

Spoiler:

Uncle Robin · 07-22-2022, 05:43 AM

DNSB · 07-24-2022, 01:06 AM

When I was a child, I used to be afraid of the dark.
Now that I've grown up, the electricity bill makes me afraid of the light!

drjd · 07-24-2022, 05:23 AM

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

DNSB · 07-24-2022, 12:44 PM

Why do we feel a need to call people out for being lazy?
It's not like they did anything.

guanaco · 07-28-2022, 05:07 PM

Q: What did king Richard II say when he heard that the peasants were revolting?
A: He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.

07-21-2022, 12:58 AM	#11680
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,428 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Customer: What’s the Wi-Fi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. Customer: OK, I’ll have a Rusty Nail. Bartender: Nine dollars. Customer: There you go. So what’s the Wi‑Fi password? Spoiler: Bartender: “You need to buy a drink first.” No spaces, all lowercase.

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06-26-2022, 01:23 PM	#11671
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,428 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?” “Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

07-01-2022, 12:30 PM	#11672
Martinoptic Bibliolater Posts: 4,773 Karma: 2600000 Join Date: Dec 2021 Location: England Device: none	A snake goes for an eye test at his optometrist and gets new spectacles. On collection he is very pleased and says his vision is excellent. The optometrist wishes to see him again in two weeks time to check that all is still well. Two weeks later the snake returns but very depressed. The optometrist asks “Whatever is the matter snake? Are the spectacles not working?” The snake replies “The vision is great but I’ve spent the last three years of my life with a garden hose!”

07-01-2022, 01:10 PM	#11673
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,428 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	"What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?" "Dam." "What did the wall say back?" "You dumb bass."

07-04-2022, 07:53 AM	#11674
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,736 Karma: 26785668 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Thinkpad E595, Ubuntu Mate, Huawei Mediapad 5, Bouye Likebook Plus	The audiologist asks John, "So what seems to be the problem?" "My hearing aid suddenly stopped working this morning", John replies. "Let me have a look at it!", the audiologist says loudly. "But this is no hearing aid!" the audiologist says. "This is a suppository!" After a long silence, John says, "I think I know where my hearing aid is..."

07-05-2022, 09:10 AM	#11676
Holdwink Junior Member Posts: 5 Karma: 10 Join Date: Nov 2018 Location: Dallas Tx USA Device: Kindle paperwhite 4	A searcher of truth asked a wise man the secret of peace and truth in this life. The wise man said “Quite simple actually. Whenever I am confronted by a fool I always just agree with whatever he says.” Searcher says “That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.” Wise man replies “ Yes, you are right.”

07-06-2022, 12:20 AM	#11677
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,428 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A company where I used to work provided four-foot-high cubicles so each employee can have some privacy. One day a co-worker had an exasperating phone conversation with one of her teenage sons. After hanging up, she heaved a sigh and said, "No one ever listens to me." Immediately, several voices from surrounding cubicles called out, "Yes, we do."

07-18-2022, 05:28 AM	#11678
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	An interim school superintendent, speaking at a city-wide PTA luncheon, assured members that he was always happy to hear from them about problems. He told them, "You can call me day or night, at this number . . ." Suddenly there was a cry from the assistant superintendent. "Hey," he exclaimed, "that's MY number!"

07-20-2022, 05:31 AM	#11679
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Question: What's the name of the Greek god of humor? Answer: Hilarios.

07-22-2022, 05:43 AM	#11681
Uncle Robin Diligent dilettante Posts: 3,417 Karma: 48736498 Join Date: Sep 2019 Location: in my mind Device: Kobo Sage; Kobo Libra H2O

07-24-2022, 01:06 AM	#11682
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,428 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	When I was a child, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now that I've grown up, the electricity bill makes me afraid of the light!

07-24-2022, 05:23 AM	#11683
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

07-24-2022, 12:44 PM	#11684
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,428 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Why do we feel a need to call people out for being lazy? It's not like they did anything.

07-28-2022, 05:07 PM	#11685
guanaco Recovering reader Posts: 222 Karma: 8008008 Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: México Device: iPad	Q: What did king Richard II say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? A: He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.