Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 748

drjd · 11-29-2020, 04:46 AM

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.

I came into my house and told my dog... we laughed a lot.

drjd · 12-03-2020, 06:04 AM

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?

The letter "D" !

DNSB · 12-03-2020, 01:06 PM

4 Norse gods and 3 astronomical bodies walk into a bar

The bartender says " Oh, this is a gonna be a week joke"

drjd · 12-04-2020, 04:58 AM

In other news, the seven dwarfs have been advised that they can only meet in groups of 6...

One of them isn’t Happy!

badgoodDeb · 12-04-2020, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

In other news, the seven dwarfs have been advised that they can only meet in groups of 6...

One of them isn’t Happy!

Actually, six of them aren't Happy.

Adoby · 12-04-2020, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

One of them isn’t Happy!

One of them is Happy!

Adoby · 12-04-2020, 04:26 PM

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

DNSB · 12-05-2020, 12:48 AM

  Q: How many tech-support folks does it take to change a light-bulb?

A: We have a light-bulb here, and it works fine. Can you tell me what kind of bulb you have? OK. There could be four or five things wrong. Now, have you turned the light switch off and on?

drjd · 12-05-2020, 04:48 AM

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps out of bed and says 'I've had enough of this', and she goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says 'The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?'

The blonde says 'I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!'

drjd · 12-06-2020, 05:56 AM

A Canadian tourist is fascinated by the Native American way of life and culture, so he decides to visit a reservation in the United States to find out more.

After a long and dusty drive through the Arizona desert, he finally arrives at the reservation.

Soon after his arrival, the tourist meets an old chief, who claims to remember everything that ever happened in his life.

The tourist is curious and asks the chief: “What did you have for breakfast on your fifth birthday?” Without hesitation, the chief replies: “eggs”.

The tourist was very impressed by this, and he never forgot the chief’s words, even after his visit had long since ended.

Ten years later, he returns to the reservation and is surprised to see the same old chief again.

He approaches the chief, puts his hand up flat and greets him with “how”.

“Scrambled,” the old chief replied.

DNSB · 12-06-2020, 09:43 PM

An old man asks his family that, when he dies, they take all his savings, convert them into gold bars, put them into a suitcase, and bury the suitcase with him.

The family obliges and, upon his death, buries the suitcase with him.

The man arrives at the gates of heaven with his suitcase. The angel at the gates is curious and asks what he has there with him.

"See for yourself!" exclaims the man and opens up the suitcase for the angel to see.

The angel looks at the contents of the suitcase, and then back at the man, confused "Pavement?"

drjd · 12-07-2020, 04:36 AM

You know you're old when you look at Santa Claus and think...

"Gosh, he looks so young!"

DNSB · 12-07-2020, 02:58 PM

I had to tell my suitcases that we're not going on holiday this year due to Covid-19. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

drjd · 12-08-2020, 07:36 AM

Sorry, Officer, I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

DNSB · 12-08-2020, 01:27 PM

A honeymooning couple purchased a talking parrot on their vacation and took it to their room, but the bridegroom became annoyed with the bird when it kept up a running commentary on his lovemaking skills. Finally he threw a towel over the cage and threatened to give the bird to the zoo if it didn't stay quiet.

Early the next morning, packing to return home, they couldn't close a large suitcase.

"You get on top and I'll try," the groom instructed. But that didn't work.

The new bride figured they must need more weight on top of the suitcase to shut it. "Darling, YOU get on top and I'll try."

Still no success. Finally the annoyed groom said, "Look, let's both get on top."

At that point the parrot used his beak to pull the towel off the cage and said, "Zoo or no zoo, this I gotta see!"

12-07-2020, 04:36 AM	#11217
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	You know you're old when you look at Santa Claus and think... "Gosh, he looks so young!" Last edited by pdurrant; 12-07-2020 at 06:21 AM. Reason: You know you're old when you correct your to you're

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11-29-2020, 04:46 AM	#11206
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house and told my dog... we laughed a lot.

12-03-2020, 06:04 AM	#11207
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month? The letter "D" !

12-03-2020, 01:06 PM	#11208
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,428 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	4 Norse gods and 3 astronomical bodies walk into a bar The bartender says " Oh, this is a gonna be a week joke"

12-04-2020, 04:58 AM	#11209
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	In other news, the seven dwarfs have been advised that they can only meet in groups of 6... One of them isn’t Happy!

12-04-2020, 04:26 PM	#11212
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,736 Karma: 26785668 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Thinkpad E595, Ubuntu Mate, Huawei Mediapad 5, Bouye Likebook Plus	Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

12-05-2020, 12:48 AM	#11213
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,428 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Q: How many tech-support folks does it take to change a light-bulb? A: We have a light-bulb here, and it works fine. Can you tell me what kind of bulb you have? OK. There could be four or five things wrong. Now, have you turned the light switch off and on?

12-05-2020, 04:48 AM	#11214
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps out of bed and says 'I've had enough of this', and she goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says 'The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?' The blonde says 'I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!'

12-06-2020, 05:56 AM	#11215
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A Canadian tourist is fascinated by the Native American way of life and culture, so he decides to visit a reservation in the United States to find out more. After a long and dusty drive through the Arizona desert, he finally arrives at the reservation. Soon after his arrival, the tourist meets an old chief, who claims to remember everything that ever happened in his life. The tourist is curious and asks the chief: “What did you have for breakfast on your fifth birthday?” Without hesitation, the chief replies: “eggs”. The tourist was very impressed by this, and he never forgot the chief’s words, even after his visit had long since ended. Ten years later, he returns to the reservation and is surprised to see the same old chief again. He approaches the chief, puts his hand up flat and greets him with “how”. “Scrambled,” the old chief replied.

12-06-2020, 09:43 PM	#11216
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,428 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	An old man asks his family that, when he dies, they take all his savings, convert them into gold bars, put them into a suitcase, and bury the suitcase with him. The family obliges and, upon his death, buries the suitcase with him. The man arrives at the gates of heaven with his suitcase. The angel at the gates is curious and asks what he has there with him. "See for yourself!" exclaims the man and opens up the suitcase for the angel to see. The angel looks at the contents of the suitcase, and then back at the man, confused "Pavement?"

12-07-2020, 02:58 PM	#11218
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,428 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I had to tell my suitcases that we're not going on holiday this year due to Covid-19. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

12-08-2020, 07:36 AM	#11219
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Sorry, Officer, I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

12-08-2020, 01:27 PM	#11220
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,428 Karma: 145525534 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A honeymooning couple purchased a talking parrot on their vacation and took it to their room, but the bridegroom became annoyed with the bird when it kept up a running commentary on his lovemaking skills. Finally he threw a towel over the cage and threatened to give the bird to the zoo if it didn't stay quiet. Early the next morning, packing to return home, they couldn't close a large suitcase. "You get on top and I'll try," the groom instructed. But that didn't work. The new bride figured they must need more weight on top of the suitcase to shut it. "Darling, YOU get on top and I'll try." Still no success. Finally the annoyed groom said, "Look, let's both get on top." At that point the parrot used his beak to pull the towel off the cage and said, "Zoo or no zoo, this I gotta see!"