04-01-2010, 09:21 PM | #1 |
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ABNA Expert Reviews
The ABNA Expert Reviews are out. It seems I didn't advance because one of my reviewers was simply too literate (more literate than me). He/she is absolutely right about my imprecise use of "turgid" and "detritus," though I didn't understand what was so funny about the bus scene.
I don't intend to be so stuffy. I just like variety in wording, and sometimes I want a 'truck' to be more than a truck. See below: ABNA Expert Reviewer #1 What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt? One of the strongest aspects of this work was also one of the weakest: an attempt at a very erudite use of words. What aspect needs the most work? While a large vocabulary will stand you in good stead in some circles; using it in a genre novel may not be too wise - especially if you misuse the "big" words. Always check a dictionary (try the actual meanings of detritus and turgid first). Ultra literary style in a fantasy novel may be an interesting approach, but such lines as "The bus driver was in a real pickle. Queues returning from Saturday market blocked an easy escape to the shoulder. As the angular carapace of the tanker bore down...." are just way over the top. I didn't sense that this was meant to be a comedy. What is your overall opinion of this excerpt? I love literary fiction. I don't love pretentious attempts to write it. To paraphrase Freud - sometimes a truck is just a truck. Whatever story is there has remained hidden throughout the excerpt in language about as penetrable as the Belizean jungle. I am assuming, of course, that you expect people to read this and recommend it to others. Match the language to the story, the setting and the characters. Consider your audience. Do a significant rewrite and I just might order a copy. ABNA Expert Reviewer #2 What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt? This is a very intriguing excerpt. I thought it was well written and it definitely kept my attention. The descriptions of Frank and Liz's arrival in Belize was particularly interesting. What aspect needs the most work? I noticed that this excerpt was listed in the genre of "Fantasy." Based on what I have read here, I am not sure why that is. There is nothing in this excerpt that would have me believe the story is a fantasy at all. Perhaps more could have been written that would indicate that. What is your overall opinion of this excerpt? I thought this was a particularly strong excerpt. The author seems to be a pro and setting the stage for an interesting story. The excerpt as presented kept my attention the whole time I was reading it. A very good submission. |
04-02-2010, 01:44 AM | #2 | |||
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04-02-2010, 03:15 AM | #3 | |
It's about the umbrella
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I shudder to think I quiver cogitating with regard to the sort of literary works that would be ratified by "Expert Reviewer #1".
Hum.. a bit pretentious himself, don't you think? Quote:
I, also, agree with the comments from "Expert Reviewer #2". I loved your novel, ASparrow, and can't wait for the story to continue. Thank you for sharing this with us. |
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04-02-2010, 05:20 AM | #4 |
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Thanks, guys! It's nice to hear your take on these.
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