The Case of the Drowning Baptists - Page 2

pshrynk · 10-13-2009, 01:58 PM

He got two in When Harv met Vera..

badgoodDeb · 10-13-2009, 02:26 PM

But at least he's all curly and sooooft, and so nice to scritch!!

Patricia · 10-13-2009, 07:27 PM

It's a bit unorthodox - even heretical - to baptise dogs, so he may be ok.

Greg Anos · 10-13-2009, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patricia

It's a bit unorthodox - even heretical - to baptise dogs, so he may be ok.

But if he talks, they might think he's possesed...

badgoodDeb · 10-13-2009, 08:20 PM

Or look around for the ventriloquist!

Patricia · 10-13-2009, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ralph Sir Edward

But if he talks, they might think he's possesed...

Oh my. I hadn't thought of that. And look what happened to the Gadarene Swine. On the other hand, Balaam's ass was OK.

Keep quiet, VR!

Greg Anos · 10-21-2009, 10:22 AM

The next morning, I looked at the

message that had been sent back to me.

Let's see... World coming to an end?

Check. All the sinners going to Hell?

Check. The Government was Satan's

handmaiden? Check. Exhortation to

believe and follow their path to

righteousness? Check, check, check

and an exclaimation point. No list of

concrete demands. Looked typical so

far. I guess I needed to get some

negotiations going.

So I wrote up the following message and

sent it.

"I understand that y'all consider

yourselves fully qualified for this

style of communication, but for

those of us who don't consider

ourselves qualified to throw stones,

could y'all consider a less righteous

way of communicating? Phone,

blindfolded messenger, megaphone,

flashing mirrors, you know,

something that sinners can feel

comfortable with.

By the way, can I provide something

to eat while we're talking? I'm thinking

that your hostages would like to eat

something besides their own words.

Red."

The first rule with dealin' with a

hostage situation is to lull the

holders into relaxin'. Sorta like

sayin' "nice doggie" to a Doberman

while you reachin' behind youself

for a big stick. You know what

you're doin' and so does the

Doberman, but with just the

right tone you can still get

away with it.

So I waited for the replay.

The Hoover doll wasn't impressed.

"You certainly seem to be takin'

your time."

"You bet I am. I'm tryin' to ease

trigger fingers and get the

hostages fed. One thing at a

time. Once we get some food

in, then we can talk about

weightier things. Like demands.

You know the old saw, 'the

way to a man's heart is

through his stomach'."

"And up."

"Yes, but that's much further

down the road. You gotta get

a gal's phone number before

you can call her for a date."

I didn't remind him I was gettin'

paid by the hour.

A thump outside announced

the arrival of a reply. I went

out and unwrapped it.

"How do we know you won't

poison us? Or use it as a

hijack diversion?

Micah"

At the rate things were goin',

I was goin' to need the Rangers

bullpen to keep pitchin' all these

messages I wrote a response.

"You can break off a little of each

dish and feed it to the doggie

you've got hostage there. If

he doesn't keel over, you know

it'll be Ok. I was going to ask

the preacher you were

communicating with to bring in

the stuff. A man of the cloth is

not going to be at the front of

an assault, no matter how good

the ratings are going to be.

I hate to sound niggly, but

y'all've got a trebuchet and all

I've got is an arm. And if I were

good enough to pitch rocks all

day, I'd be pitching for the

Rangers. So how about something

besides rocks for communication.

Red."

I pitched it and waited for another

response. Pitchin' rocks was a

real slow way to negotiate.

About another hour later,

another thump announced the

reply. After unwrapping it, I

read that they were willing.

They asked for Bar-be-que,

with a bunch of sides. I called

Bill Miller's and called in a

honkin' big order.

I waved over the Hoover doll.

"Go get some bacon."

"Why bacon? It doesn't go

with Bar-be-que."

"The bacon's for the doggie

Viceroy. He'll see the bacon and

know that somebody's negotiating

on our side who knows who he

is. He's a real smart doggie."

The Hoover doll just looked puzzled.

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing.

Even without my amigo. Now let me go,

'cause I've got to arm-wrestle a

tele-evangelist."

It took a while to get the

tele-evangelist to volunteer.

He liked the publicity and the

leading misguided worshipper

to the light, but he thought it

was too risky. Still, he got over

it after I pointed out that it

would be a whole lot less risky

that my telling the red-head

about the blond. Or the wife

about both of them. He agreed

that risks in the name of the

Lord were the ones that a man

of God should take. So we loaded

up a cheap plastic cart with all

the food and sent him out,

pushing it to the brewery....

pshrynk · 10-21-2009, 12:08 PM

Bravo! Taking risks in the name of the Lord...

badgoodDeb · 10-21-2009, 01:41 PM

Bacon sounds like a good hint for the doggie!

dreams · 10-21-2009, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ralph Sir Edward

<snip>
He liked the publicity and the leading misguided worshipper to the light, but he thought it was too risky. Still, he got over it after I pointed out that it would be a whole lot less risky that my telling the red-head about the blond. Or the wife about both of them. He agreed that risks in the name of the Lord were the ones that a man of God should take. <snip>

zelda_pinwheel · 10-21-2009, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Check, check, check and an exclaimation point.

at least they know their punctuation !

Greg Anos · 10-21-2009, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

at least they know their punctuation !

That's Red doing the checklist and punctuation. Even more amazing....

badgoodDeb · 10-21-2009, 04:12 PM

These Baptists apparently feel qualified to throw the first stone. Huh. Wonder if they've actually read The Book.

ShortNCuddlyAm · 10-21-2009, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Now let me go, 'cause I've got to arm-wrestle a tele-evangelist.

Now that would make good tv!

Greg Anos · 10-21-2009, 07:31 PM

Forgot to mention - This Red adventure, like all the other Red adventures, is placed in the public domain by the author....

So there.

10-21-2009, 10:22 AM	#22
Greg Anos Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,248 Karma: 35000000 Join Date: Jan 2008 Device: Pocketbook	The next morning, I looked at the message that had been sent back to me. Let's see... World coming to an end? Check. All the sinners going to Hell? Check. The Government was Satan's handmaiden? Check. Exhortation to believe and follow their path to righteousness? Check, check, check and an exclaimation point. No list of concrete demands. Looked typical so far. I guess I needed to get some negotiations going. So I wrote up the following message and sent it. "I understand that y'all consider yourselves fully qualified for this style of communication, but for those of us who don't consider ourselves qualified to throw stones, could y'all consider a less righteous way of communicating? Phone, blindfolded messenger, megaphone, flashing mirrors, you know, something that sinners can feel comfortable with. By the way, can I provide something to eat while we're talking? I'm thinking that your hostages would like to eat something besides their own words. Red." The first rule with dealin' with a hostage situation is to lull the holders into relaxin'. Sorta like sayin' "nice doggie" to a Doberman while you reachin' behind youself for a big stick. You know what you're doin' and so does the Doberman, but with just the right tone you can still get away with it. So I waited for the replay. The Hoover doll wasn't impressed. "You certainly seem to be takin' your time." "You bet I am. I'm tryin' to ease trigger fingers and get the hostages fed. One thing at a time. Once we get some food in, then we can talk about weightier things. Like demands. You know the old saw, 'the way to a man's heart is through his stomach'." "And up." "Yes, but that's much further down the road. You gotta get a gal's phone number before you can call her for a date." I didn't remind him I was gettin' paid by the hour. A thump outside announced the arrival of a reply. I went out and unwrapped it. "How do we know you won't poison us? Or use it as a hijack diversion? Micah" At the rate things were goin', I was goin' to need the Rangers bullpen to keep pitchin' all these messages I wrote a response. "You can break off a little of each dish and feed it to the doggie you've got hostage there. If he doesn't keel over, you know it'll be Ok. I was going to ask the preacher you were communicating with to bring in the stuff. A man of the cloth is not going to be at the front of an assault, no matter how good the ratings are going to be. I hate to sound niggly, but y'all've got a trebuchet and all I've got is an arm. And if I were good enough to pitch rocks all day, I'd be pitching for the Rangers. So how about something besides rocks for communication. Red." I pitched it and waited for another response. Pitchin' rocks was a real slow way to negotiate. About another hour later, another thump announced the reply. After unwrapping it, I read that they were willing. They asked for Bar-be-que, with a bunch of sides. I called Bill Miller's and called in a honkin' big order. I waved over the Hoover doll. "Go get some bacon." "Why bacon? It doesn't go with Bar-be-que." "The bacon's for the doggie Viceroy. He'll see the bacon and know that somebody's negotiating on our side who knows who he is. He's a real smart doggie." The Hoover doll just looked puzzled. "Trust me, I know what I'm doing. Even without my amigo. Now let me go, 'cause I've got to arm-wrestle a tele-evangelist." It took a while to get the tele-evangelist to volunteer. He liked the publicity and the leading misguided worshipper to the light, but he thought it was too risky. Still, he got over it after I pointed out that it would be a whole lot less risky that my telling the red-head about the blond. Or the wife about both of them. He agreed that risks in the name of the Lord were the ones that a man of God should take. So we loaded up a cheap plastic cart with all the food and sent him out, pushing it to the brewery.... Last edited by Greg Anos; 10-21-2009 at 10:41 AM.

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10-13-2009, 01:58 PM	#16
pshrynk Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah! Posts: 11,726 Karma: 8255450 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!	He got two in When Harv met Vera..

10-13-2009, 02:26 PM	#17
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,501 Karma: 64095689 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	But at least he's all curly and sooooft, and so nice to scritch!!

10-13-2009, 07:27 PM	#18
Patricia Reader Posts: 11,504 Karma: 8720163 Join Date: May 2007 Location: South Wales, UK Device: Sony PRS-500, PRS-505, Asus EEEpc 4G	It's a bit unorthodox - even heretical - to baptise dogs, so he may be ok.

10-13-2009, 08:20 PM	#20
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,501 Karma: 64095689 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	Or look around for the ventriloquist!

10-21-2009, 12:08 PM	#23
pshrynk Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah! Posts: 11,726 Karma: 8255450 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!	Bravo! Taking risks in the name of the Lord...

10-21-2009, 01:41 PM	#24
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,501 Karma: 64095689 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	Bacon sounds like a good hint for the doggie!

10-21-2009, 04:12 PM	#28
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,501 Karma: 64095689 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	These Baptists apparently feel qualified to throw the first stone. Huh. Wonder if they've actually read The Book.

10-21-2009, 07:31 PM	#30
Greg Anos Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,248 Karma: 35000000 Join Date: Jan 2008 Device: Pocketbook	Forgot to mention - This Red adventure, like all the other Red adventures, is placed in the public domain by the author.... So there.

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