Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 639

drjd · 02-18-2017, 03:57 AM

Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

Fbone · 02-19-2017, 01:12 AM

Rest in peace boiling water, you will be mist.

Fbone · 02-20-2017, 01:59 AM

I hate negative numbers and will stop at nothing to avoid them..

Fbone · 02-21-2017, 01:29 AM

6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

drjd · 02-21-2017, 09:25 AM

The Judge admonished the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?"
"I do."
"Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?"
"Sure," said the witness. "My side will win."

issybird · 02-21-2017, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

Isn't 5:30 just as good?

Fbone · 02-22-2017, 01:07 AM

I wish people would stop asking me where I think I'm going to be in 3 years, I don't have 2020 vision.

drjd · 02-22-2017, 03:35 AM

A catechist asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.A small child replied, “They couldn’t get a baby-sitter?”

Fbone · 02-23-2017, 04:34 AM

The butcher walked backwards into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

drjd · 02-23-2017, 12:02 PM

A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country's greatest works of art.

Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her.

At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling. 'Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted.'

'Oh my, 'the grandmother says.
'He and I must have the same landlord.'

Fbone · 02-24-2017, 01:57 AM

I've decided to sell my Hoover. Well, it was just collecting dust.

Fbone · 02-25-2017, 02:01 AM

I hate carrying my luggage around the airport, I rest my case.

Fbone · 02-26-2017, 01:19 AM

If it wasn't for physics, I'd be unstoppable.

drjd · 02-26-2017, 04:05 AM

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.

After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. As he handed the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I went to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."

"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself this evening. We have sound now."

Fbone · 02-27-2017, 12:36 AM

If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.

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02-18-2017, 03:57 AM	#9571
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

02-19-2017, 01:12 AM	#9572
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Rest in peace boiling water, you will be mist.

02-20-2017, 01:59 AM	#9573
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I hate negative numbers and will stop at nothing to avoid them..

02-21-2017, 01:29 AM	#9574
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

02-21-2017, 09:25 AM	#9575
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The Judge admonished the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?" "I do." "Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?" "Sure," said the witness. "My side will win."

02-22-2017, 01:07 AM	#9577
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I wish people would stop asking me where I think I'm going to be in 3 years, I don't have 2020 vision.

02-22-2017, 03:35 AM	#9578
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A catechist asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.A small child replied, “They couldn’t get a baby-sitter?”

02-23-2017, 04:34 AM	#9579
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	The butcher walked backwards into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

02-23-2017, 12:02 PM	#9580
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country's greatest works of art. Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her. At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling. 'Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted.' 'Oh my, 'the grandmother says. 'He and I must have the same landlord.'

02-24-2017, 01:57 AM	#9581
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I've decided to sell my Hoover. Well, it was just collecting dust.

02-25-2017, 02:01 AM	#9582
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I hate carrying my luggage around the airport, I rest my case.

02-26-2017, 01:19 AM	#9583
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	If it wasn't for physics, I'd be unstoppable.

02-26-2017, 04:05 AM	#9584
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. As he handed the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I went to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself this evening. We have sound now."

02-27-2017, 12:36 AM	#9585
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.