I said, she said, he asked?

VydorScope · 07-23-2011, 10:18 PM

So as I am sitting working on a dialog between a group of characters I am wondering... seems like the experts that I have read say for the most part stick with "siad, asked, etc" and avoid colorful alternatives like "he asked with baited breath" or "she siad in great anger."

Their argument is that if the reader can't tell by the dialog and context, you need to fixt that not add adjectives. It is not a "OMG NEVER EVER DO THAT" but a "try to avoid it, and use sparingly" type advice.

What do you all think?

crich70 · 07-23-2011, 11:13 PM

I think a simple uncomplicated style is best. If you use a lot of words in place of 'said' then you run the risk of distracting from the story itself which is the important thing. Use of the thesaurus should be limited for the same reason. Otherwise you're likely to end up with purple prose disease.

mr ploppy · 07-24-2011, 08:37 AM

When there's more than 2 people I usually have the one speaking do something just before they talk so that I can attach their name to it. xxx scratched his crotch before answering. xxx looked up sharply. xxx shook his head.

JanG · 07-24-2011, 10:42 AM

I try to use an action tag rather than a dialogue tag wherever possible. I hate 'he said/she said' reminds me too much of Enid Blyton--perfect for very young children but not older readers.

Just my two cents' worth.

--JanG.

Xanthe · 07-24-2011, 11:05 AM

To test how it sounds, have someone read the dialog aloud to you. It really illuminates the overuse of "he said/she said" in a story. I've found that out from listening to audiobooks; it becomes mind-numbing after a while. As a reader, I prefer action tags.

HarryT · 07-24-2011, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xanthe

To test how it sounds, have someone read the dialog aloud to you. It really illuminates the overuse of "he said/she said" in a story. I've found that out from listening to audiobooks; it becomes mind-numbing after a while. As a reader, I prefer action tags.

When you say "action tag", do you mean a description of what the characters are doing, rather than use of adverbs?

Native · 07-24-2011, 12:54 PM

I like to have someone else read my work out-loud, without any pre-reading. If it doesn't sound right, it probably isn't right. I prefer to indicate the speaker with some action "She smiled," over by name "She said," but seldom with both "She smiled and said." The one that really bugs me is when writers put the tag at the end, and it's either redundant or too late.

VydorScope · 07-24-2011, 04:13 PM

Yeah... what do you mean by "action tag" ?

Nancy Fulda · 07-24-2011, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VydorScope

So as I am sitting working on a dialog between a group of characters I am wondering... seems like the experts that I have read say for the most part stick with "siad, asked, etc" and avoid colorful alternatives like "he asked with baited breath" or "she siad in great anger."

I think it's a bit simplistic to assume that a single speech attribution style is going to apply across all genres. In most work written for adults, a simple 'said' or 'asked' is often sufficient, and anything more becomes distracting to the reader. I've heard YA authors say the opposite, however: that their editors asked them to add in adjectives like "furiously" or "anxiously" in order to appeal better to the target audience.

JanG · 07-25-2011, 12:59 AM

An action tag shows who is speaking without actually saying 'Joe said' or 'Mary asked.' For instance: Joe slung his arm around his friend's shoulders. "Well, we could just ask her." Or: Mary put her glass down on the coffee table with a thud. "Perhaps I'm being dumb. Why should I leave?"

A simplistic answer, I know, but I think it shows what an 'action' tag is.

--Jan.

Penforhire · 07-25-2011, 11:23 AM

I agree with your other sources, use alternatives sparingly. Otherwise you're "telling not showing" too much. If a character says something angrily show us their anger instead.

I like the action tags mentioned. Depending on the lines, we can also follow ping-pong dialog without needing constant naming.

crich70 · 07-26-2011, 12:12 AM

You also need to avoid the 'talking head' syndrome when possible too. Action tags which bring some visual content into the dialogue can help with that.

mr ploppy · 07-26-2011, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JanG

An action tag shows who is speaking without actually saying 'Joe said' or 'Mary asked.' For instance: Joe slung his arm around his friend's shoulders. "Well, we could just ask her." Or: Mary put her glass down on the coffee table with a thud. "Perhaps I'm being dumb. Why should I leave?"

A simplistic answer, I know, but I think it shows what an 'action' tag is.

--Jan.

That's what I was trying to say, but I didn't know it had a name. It also helps to break up pages and pages of dialogue. If your mind wanders for a few seconds during those you get completely lost about who says what.

07-23-2011, 10:18 PM	#1
VydorScope Wizard Posts: 3,418 Karma: 35207650 Join Date: Jun 2011 Device: iPad	I said, she said, he asked? So as I am sitting working on a dialog between a group of characters I am wondering... seems like the experts that I have read say for the most part stick with "siad, asked, etc" and avoid colorful alternatives like "he asked with baited breath" or "she siad in great anger." Their argument is that if the reader can't tell by the dialog and context, you need to fixt that not add adjectives. It is not a "OMG NEVER EVER DO THAT" but a "try to avoid it, and use sparingly" type advice. What do you all think?

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07-23-2011, 11:13 PM	#2
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,309 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	I think a simple uncomplicated style is best. If you use a lot of words in place of 'said' then you run the risk of distracting from the story itself which is the important thing. Use of the thesaurus should be limited for the same reason. Otherwise you're likely to end up with purple prose disease.

07-24-2011, 08:37 AM	#3
mr ploppy Feral Underclass Posts: 3,622 Karma: 26821535 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Yorkshire, tha noz Device: 2nd hand paperback	When there's more than 2 people I usually have the one speaking do something just before they talk so that I can attach their name to it. xxx scratched his crotch before answering. xxx looked up sharply. xxx shook his head.

07-24-2011, 10:42 AM	#4
JanG Groupie Posts: 156 Karma: 6266 Join Date: Apr 2009 Device: Laptop; Kobo Clara	I try to use an action tag rather than a dialogue tag wherever possible. I hate 'he said/she said' reminds me too much of Enid Blyton--perfect for very young children but not older readers. Just my two cents' worth. --JanG.

07-24-2011, 11:05 AM	#5
Xanthe Plan B Is Now In Force Posts: 1,894 Karma: 8086979 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Surebleak Device: Aluratek,Sony 350/T1,Pandigital,eBM 911,Nook HD/HD+,Fire HDX 7/8.9,PW2	To test how it sounds, have someone read the dialog aloud to you. It really illuminates the overuse of "he said/she said" in a story. I've found that out from listening to audiobooks; it becomes mind-numbing after a while. As a reader, I prefer action tags.

07-24-2011, 12:54 PM	#7
Native Cozy Bumpkin Stories Posts: 66 Karma: 351904 Join Date: May 2011 Location: Sprague River, Oregon Device: none	I like to have someone else read my work out-loud, without any pre-reading. If it doesn't sound right, it probably isn't right. I prefer to indicate the speaker with some action "She smiled," over by name "She said," but seldom with both "She smiled and said." The one that really bugs me is when writers put the tag at the end, and it's either redundant or too late.

07-24-2011, 04:13 PM	#8
VydorScope Wizard Posts: 3,418 Karma: 35207650 Join Date: Jun 2011 Device: iPad	Yeah... what do you mean by "action tag" ?

07-25-2011, 12:59 AM	#10
JanG Groupie Posts: 156 Karma: 6266 Join Date: Apr 2009 Device: Laptop; Kobo Clara	An action tag shows who is speaking without actually saying 'Joe said' or 'Mary asked.' For instance: Joe slung his arm around his friend's shoulders. "Well, we could just ask her." Or: Mary put her glass down on the coffee table with a thud. "Perhaps I'm being dumb. Why should I leave?" A simplistic answer, I know, but I think it shows what an 'action' tag is. --Jan.

07-25-2011, 11:23 AM	#11
Penforhire Wizard Posts: 2,230 Karma: 7145404 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Southern California Device: Kindle Voyage & iPhone 7+	I agree with your other sources, use alternatives sparingly. Otherwise you're "telling not showing" too much. If a character says something angrily show us their anger instead. I like the action tags mentioned. Depending on the lines, we can also follow ping-pong dialog without needing constant naming.

07-26-2011, 12:12 AM	#12
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,309 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	You also need to avoid the 'talking head' syndrome when possible too. Action tags which bring some visual content into the dialogue can help with that.

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