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Old 09-08-2012, 04:13 PM   #106
speakingtohe
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Sense of humour, kindness etc. Yeah right; on second sight, I'll believe that. But it ain't the primary trigger. Never met a woman who told me "I couldn't help but notice how smart/funny/whatever you are" as a dialogue opener. Let's face it: the primary triggers still are the same as they were when we were in caves: the spear-throwing hunters broad shoulders @ males; and the kiddo-factory pelvis @ females. Only if one is aware of said subconscious signal effects fitering is possible.
Well spear chuckers are ok, but I always preferred the macho, I am king of the universe type even if I am a scrawny little ****.

what is a kiddo-factory pelvis BTW?

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Old 09-08-2012, 04:25 PM   #107
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The initial attractors are a no-brainer, but before I knew my husband I found that getting old after a while. Without sounding self-deprecating, neither my husband nor I are what each other would have 'seen across a room' and said "I want that one!". Although if you ask me, I think he is the handsomest person on earth just due to how much I love him (sorry for the mushy talk)

Eventually when I started considering getting serious and wanting a longer term settling down, I began to not really give a cr-p what the dude looked like - and sometimes only noticed how handsome someone was or not after I got to know them, the person. And here my husband and I are, 18 years after we first met, still very happy together.

Mileage varies for preferences.- I think the reason I like romance novels is the opposite way the female/male leads seem to experience falling in love to my own experience. Step out of my own world into a different one.
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Old 09-08-2012, 04:33 PM   #108
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Originally Posted by Freeshadow View Post
Sense of humour, kindness etc. Yeah right; on second sight, I'll believe that. But it ain't the primary trigger. Never met a woman who told me "I couldn't help but notice how smart/funny/whatever you are" as a dialogue opener. Let's face it: the primary triggers still are the same as they were when we were in caves: the spear-throwing hunters broad shoulders @ males; and the kiddo-factory pelvis @ females. Only if one is aware of said subconscious signal effects fitering is possible.
I'm a pretty good judge of character. And while looks might be the first trigger in most cases, I can usually tell if someone is a douchebag early on. I'm not attracted to douchebags in the least bit. I'm not so desperate that I'm going to hook up with one- plenty of options out there. So, while a guy may be physically attractive in my eyes, sometimes 10 minutes of conversation is enough to let me know to run away, and quickly.

I also think as you get older, you become choosier and less inclined to tolerate crap, even if it's from a good looking guy.
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Old 09-08-2012, 05:11 PM   #109
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I was going to comment that "dost" is the correct word rather than "doest", but a little research shows that either can be used, although the form without the "e" is much more common. "doest" is only used by Shakespeare, for example, in blank verse where the metre requires the extra syllable.
Her words: There was never going to be any interesting conversation, no witty repertoire, no allusions to literary characters and no reading recommendations.
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Old 09-08-2012, 07:46 PM   #110
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@ spindlegirl & voracious: I agree fully with both statements, my point was just, that is the, previously brought into discussion, inner valours aren't an option for first focus judgment (1st glance decision if contact should be tried at all), especially when; as the first post described only short term plans are involved.
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Old 09-08-2012, 08:06 PM   #111
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If you find someone who is also a reader, then you always have some common ground for discussion and it's wonderful if you actually meet someone who shares your reading likes and dislikes.

I don't view it as shallow to be turned off by someone who doesn't have any books in their home, though I do think you might have been a bit hasty in your judgement and put a little too much emphasis on the book-owning and not enough on the person - especially since it wasn't a situation where you were making a lifetime commitment . What if he was dyslexic? I'm more concerned with the person having a sane and balanced worldview, and that can be obtained without being an avid reader of books.
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Old 09-08-2012, 09:12 PM   #112
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If I was going to have a one night stand with someone, the last thing on my mind would be how well read they are.

In a long term relationship however....

[and for the record, my wife had to ship about 25 boxes of books to our place when we got married and she moved cross country]
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Old 09-09-2012, 02:56 AM   #113
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spindlegirl View Post
The initial attractors are a no-brainer, but before I knew my husband I found that getting old after a while. Without sounding self-deprecating, neither my husband nor I are what each other would have 'seen across a room' and said "I want that one!". Although if you ask me, I think he is the handsomest person on earth just due to how much I love him (sorry for the mushy talk)

Eventually when I started considering getting serious and wanting a longer term settling down, I began to not really give a cr-p what the dude looked like - and sometimes only noticed how handsome someone was or not after I got to know them, the person. And here my husband and I are, 18 years after we first met, still very happy together.

Mileage varies for preferences.- I think the reason I like romance novels is the opposite way the female/male leads seem to experience falling in love to my own experience. Step out of my own world into a different one.
that's very sweet i'm a big sap; i love hearing stories like this

i don't judge people i want to date based on their appearance. i was bullied for it in high school soo...i'm kind of really self-conscious.
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Old 09-09-2012, 10:26 AM   #114
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There is a fine line between being SMART and backing away when someone has a trait that you know you don't want in a partner (non-reader) and being so picky that you'll be single forever. I think you're still on the right side of that line.

I am married, but once in a while I think about what things would be deal-breakers if I met someone to date, and there are definitely some things that would turn me off to the point of not even wanting to start even a friendship up. What's the point? I know myself and know that those things are too important to me to ever let them go, and why would I want to start a relationship when I detect an issue that will cause me to be a dissatisfied NAG. No thanks! It's one thing if he prefers to read Sci Fi and non-fiction and you only read suspense and the classics (or something) ... that can be worked around. But to be like, "What's an ereader?" OMGosh, he lives in a hole! Haha!
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Old 09-09-2012, 11:02 AM   #115
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I detest flowery words like in the title of this thread.
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Old 09-09-2012, 11:18 AM   #116
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I detest flowery words like in the title of this thread.
I like floury food
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Old 09-09-2012, 11:20 AM   #117
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I don't deplore non-readers. I nothing them. They are free to live their lives as they wish, and I will live mine. A person doesn't have to be a die-hard reader, but a house devoid of books is a pretty good indication of incompatibility.
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Old 09-09-2012, 11:43 AM   #118
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I don't deplore non-readers. I nothing them. They are free to live their lives as they wish, and I will live mine. A person doesn't have to be a die-hard reader, but a house devoid of books is a pretty good indication of incompatibility.
+ 1
Incompatibility is just the right keyword
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Old 09-10-2012, 01:25 AM   #119
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a house devoid of books could also mean they use their e-readers avidly
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Old 09-10-2012, 02:10 AM   #120
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a house devoid of books could also mean they use their e-readers avidly
See first post.
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