Rant of a Reader

[pdurrant]

Originally Posted by meeera

[1] https://www.amazon.com/Dr-Martens-Womens-Jaime-Monk/dp/B00LFMUJB2

Wow, those are fabulous indeed!

I think that rkomar may have hit the nail on the head. For many people reading isn't something they do for pleasure, so they don't consider interrupting a reader to be interrupting something that the reader wants to be doing. Illogical though that sounds.

[pwalker8]

Originally Posted by latepaul

I think it's interesting that a lot of this comes down to what expectations we have of people in public spaces, and a lot of that comes from whether we are introverts or extroverts.

I've never read but this book talks about how the default expectation/ideal is often that we act as extroverts.

"Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" is a very good book. I've been know to give that book to some of my students who are Introverts.

This difference in the way people prefer to interact is pretty far reaching. In corporate America, there is a movement to do away with offices (except for the Execs, of course) and cubes and have open work areas without assigned seating. The idea appeals a lot to extroverts who spend all their time jawing in meetings and smoozing. Not so much to introverts who need quiet to get work done.

[FizzyWater]

Originally Posted by pwalker8

This difference in the way people prefer to interact is pretty far reaching. In corporate America, there is a movement to do away with offices (except for the Execs, of course) and cubes and have open work areas without assigned seating. The idea appeals a lot to extroverts who spend all their time jawing in meetings and smoozing. Not so much to introverts who need quiet to get work done.

This was recommended in an annual "what would you do differently" poll they take where I work. I was horrified. I'm sure it's helpful in an environment where people collaborate on huge tasks, but yeesh.

[latepaul]

Originally Posted by pwalker8

This difference in the way people prefer to interact is pretty far reaching. In corporate America, there is a movement to do away with offices (except for the Execs, of course) and cubes and have open work areas without assigned seating. The idea appeals a lot to extroverts who spend all their time jawing in meetings and smoozing. Not so much to introverts who need quiet to get work done.

Yeah I work in an open plan office. I do have my own desk but it's an open "pod" rather than a cubicle. I raised the issue of noise a few years ago (just tentatively pointed out that maybe folks didn't realise how much their voices can carry) and I was told that we didn't want to kill the "atmosphere" of a happy office and maybe I should wear headphones if I want to focus on something.

And yet the manager who told me this, over from HQ visiting for a few days, took up one of the few meeting rooms as his office while he was here.

[arjaybe]

Originally Posted by kcladyz

People always try to talk to me when I am trying to read. Annoys me to no end. I have to tell them I want to be alone at lunch so I can read then i feel bad for being anti social. Lunch is the only time I get to detach from work and have my own time. I do not want people getting in my business. I hate when people ask me what I am reading for I am trying to read and not be asked questions. I actually tell people to mind their own business lol So I tend to sit in a chair rather than a table so to make it hard for people to sit next to me and bother me

It's unfair that you should have to feel bad just to get a little peace, but I guess expecting them to be circumspect is asking too much.

[arjaybe]

Originally Posted by meeera

I'm not going to pander to people who are "nervous and awkward" around wheelchair users any more than I'm going to pander to people who feel "nervous and awkward" around black people, or gay people, or people who are visibly of a different religion from themselves. Their anxiety about people from marginalised groups is their problem, not mine.

If they feel so anxious, why not just treat me like every other person in the place, and walk on by? Or if we are in a small talk situation, use the same small talk they would with anyone else? It really is not hard: humans are humans. And most people seem to manage normal interactions just fine. Today a random stranger complimented me on my fabulous shoes[1]. They didn't seem at all awkward or nervous about it.

[1] https://www.amazon.com/Dr-Martens-Wo.../dp/B00LFMUJB2

Hey, don't you know that all members of an identifiable sub-group are expected to be spokespersons for it? I mean, c'mon, eh! Didn't they teach you that in wheelchair school?-)

[cfrizz]

If my head is down and I'm looking at my phone, tablet, reader and my headphones are on, the message is quite clear. Leave me the F**** ALONE!

If you are an extrovert go find yourself another one to blabber on to, but leave the rest of us alone. People are entitled to their privacy even when out in public.

Most people now have their noses buried in their phones, tablets, books and readers it shouldn't need to have you get a baseball bat upside your head to clue you into that these people have other ways to entertain themselves without listening to you go on and on or wanting to stick your nose in their business.

If you have a quick question that doesn't involve what I'm doing that's fine, I'll answer it and go back to what I'm doing.

[DiapDealer]

Originally Posted by cfrizz

People are entitled to their privacy even when out in public.

Sorry. but I still don't believe this to be true. Saying it in all caps and with implied profanity doesn't make it so either.

I believe people are entitled to be treated with respect anywhere they go, but I don't believe anyone is "entitled" to be left entirely alone in a public venue.

Originally Posted by cfrizz

If you have a quick question that doesn't involve what I'm doing that's fine, I'll answer it and go back to what I'm doing.

So you're saying interrupting you is fine, just not if it's a question about what you're doing?

[issybird]

I'm going to soapbox a bit and wonder what it says about society if people are unwilling to interact in public spaces.

I'm not saying, for example, that early morning on the commuter train most people shouldn't be left alone, as in other regimented or regularly occurring situations where a person has little control over his environment. But in more casual and more fluid situations, I can't help thinking it's good for all of us to get outside ourselves a bit and interact at least some of the time.

A little more soapboxing: some people are lonely. They live alone, don't have jobs or family, have no usual means of social intercourse. They need the human contact. I think a touch of friendliness and openness can do a lot more good than people realize.

[shalym]

Originally Posted by issybird

I'm going to soapbox a bit and wonder what it says about society if people are unwilling to interact in public spaces.

I'm not saying, for example, that early morning on the commuter train most people shouldn't be left alone, as in other regimented or regularly occurring situations where a person has little control over his environment. But in more casual and more fluid situations, I can't help thinking it's good for all of us to get outside ourselves a bit and interact at least some of the time.

A little more soapboxing: some people are lonely. They live alone, don't have jobs or family, have no usual means of social intercourse. They need the human contact. I think a touch of friendliness and openness can do a lot more good than people realize.

...and other people get really stressed out by having to make small talk.

As I said earlier in the thread, if I'm in the grocery store or somewhere and someone has a question about something, that's fine--I can handle it. If I'm on the bus or on a plane and a stranger starts trying to make small talk, I start to panic, because I don't know what to say. I try to fix this by not traveling alone, but I sometimes do have to travel alone for work. If I could afford it, I would buy all of the seats around me in a plane so that I didn't have to worry about it.

I understand about lonely people...I've been a lonely person. It sucks. But even at my loneliest, I didn't like strangers talking to me on the bus.

Shari

[John F]

Originally Posted by issybird

I'm going to soapbox a bit and wonder what it says about society if people are unwilling to interact in public spaces.

...

I'll heckle the soap box person...

I don't get that as the vibe of the people complaining. I hear them saying there are times that they will interact, and other times they would strongly not like to, and there are clear indicators as to when they do not want to.

If you want some company courtesy, show some common sense.

[cfrizz]

Originally Posted by DiapDealer

Sorry. but I still don't believe this to be true. Saying it in all caps and with implied profanity doesn't make it so either.

I believe people are entitled to be treated with respect anywhere they go, but I don't believe anyone is "entitled" to be left entirely alone in a public venue.


So you're saying interrupting you is fine, just not if it's a question about what you're doing?

Unless you're blind it is quite obvious what I am doing, no need to interrupt me to ask!

I've been out in public and someone will ask me if I know how to get someplace, and I will give them an answer. which is just fine.

At other times back when I had my Sony reader, I'm minding my own business reading and listening to my music just to have some person tap me on the shoulder to ask me if that's a Kindle, I tell them no it's a Sony, and they proceed to think that opens the floodgates to endless babbling.

I respectfully answered their question, now respectfully let me get back to my book.

Now that I use a phone, that very seldom happens now.

[DiapDealer]

Originally Posted by cfrizz

Unless you're blind it is quite obvious what I am doing, no need to interrupt me to ask!

I've been out in public and someone will ask me if I know how to get someplace, and I will give them an answer. which is just fine.

At other times back when I had my Sony reader, I'm minding my own business reading and listening to my music just to have some person tap me on the shoulder to ask me if that's a Kindle, I tell them no it's a Sony, and they proceed to think that opens the floodgates to endless babbling.

I respectfully answered their question, now respectfully let me get back to my book.

Now that I use a phone, that very seldom happens now.

I have no problem with any of that. Please don't misunderstand me. My main beef is your (and several other's) notion that privacy (RE being spoken to) in public places/situations is somehow something that people are "entitled" to. There is no such entitlement.

I'm fine with people wanting to be left alone in public (though I don't understand the extremes to which some people go to try and achieve it). And I'm fine with people doing whatever they can to try and BE left alone in public (though again, I'm not a huge proponent of windmill-tilting). I just don't believe that people are entitled (by edict, law, religion, or social code) to any level of success at achieving that goal.

Human interaction (embraced, tolerated, or otherwise) is simply one of the costs associated with leaving the privacy of our own personal domains.

[arjaybe]

Originally Posted by DiapDealer

I have no problem with any of that. Please don't misunderstand me. My main beef is your (and several other's) notion that privacy (RE being spoken to) in public places/situations is somehow something that people are "entitled" to. There is no such entitlement

Nor is there an entitlement to intrude, as you seem to assume. The intrusion is the first exercise of entitlement in this exchange, and civilized people know how to read the signs.-)

[DiapDealer]

Originally Posted by arjaybe

Nor is there an entitlement to intrude, as you seem to assume.

Nope. I assume no such thing. Nor have I claimed such an "entitlement." Please don't attempt to read between "my lines." I say what I mean. There is no need to infer.

But now that you mention it ... I'm pretty sure that society (as well as the law) actually does grant everyone pretty clear license to say non-threatening things to other people in public--regardless of what said people might be doing at the time (in the absence of any restraining orders of course). *shrug*