Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 703

yvanleterrible · 07-11-2019, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

My local college just announced the end of a scientific study...Results showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.

Well... that one is pretty easy because of the commas but your Karma number is pretty difficult to read.

drjd · 07-12-2019, 06:49 AM

A tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at a farmhouse to ask if he could be stay there for the night.

“Well, we’re mighty crowded since there’s already someone in the spare room,” replied the farmer. “But I guess you can stay if you don’t mind sharing the bed with a tall blonde.”

The tourist puffed out his chest and replied, “That’s fine by me and in case you’re worried, I want you to know I’m a gentleman.”

“Well,” mused the farmer, “as far as I can tell, so is the tall blonde.”

gridlewak · 07-12-2019, 09:07 AM

A pastor noticed one of the younger parishioners, little Jimmy, looking at a plaque on the wall inside the entry of the local church one day. He approached him to chat.............

Pastor: Good morning Jimmy.
Jimmy: Good morning Pastor. Could you please tell me what this plaque is for?
Pastor: This plaque has the names of all the parishioners that died in the service.
Jimmy: Which one? The 8 o'clock one or the 10?

drjd · 07-13-2019, 06:06 AM

My uncle had surgery and became a superman, and then the anesthetic wore off.

drjd · 07-14-2019, 08:34 AM

Why did the slave go to college? So he could pickup his Master's degree.

drjd · 07-16-2019, 05:56 AM

The patient goes to the dentist and says, "I have yellow teeth, what should I do?"

The dentist replies, "Wear a brown tie."

drjd · 07-18-2019, 05:28 AM

A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma.

For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding.

Finally the old girl passed away.

On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years."

His wife looked at him aghast... "My Aunt Emma?" she cried, "I thought she was your Aunt Emma!"

drjd · 07-20-2019, 06:42 AM

An infectious disease walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “We don’t serve infectious diseases here.”

The infectious disease says, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”

drjd · 07-21-2019, 07:27 AM

If all is love, will everything end in the Apuckerlips?

drjd · 07-22-2019, 08:21 AM

Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,"Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds."

"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.

"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."

drjd · 07-23-2019, 06:29 AM

Bank robbery is a safe job.

drjd · 07-24-2019, 05:48 AM

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Adoby · 07-24-2019, 07:33 AM

One evening Pavlov was in the pub. He sat at the table with his work mates, talking and drinking. Someone gave a tip and a bell was rung.

Pavlov stood straight up at once, looked around the room, and exclaimed, "Oh, shit! I forgot to feed the dogs!"

yvanleterrible · 07-24-2019, 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Errr... Not shot, maimed... after dropping an heirloom formal dinner plate.

drjd · 07-25-2019, 03:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

Errr... Not shot, maimed... after dropping an heirloom formal dinner plate.

Sweet reminiscences.

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07-12-2019, 06:49 AM	#10532
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at a farmhouse to ask if he could be stay there for the night. “Well, we’re mighty crowded since there’s already someone in the spare room,” replied the farmer. “But I guess you can stay if you don’t mind sharing the bed with a tall blonde.” The tourist puffed out his chest and replied, “That’s fine by me and in case you’re worried, I want you to know I’m a gentleman.” “Well,” mused the farmer, “as far as I can tell, so is the tall blonde.”

07-12-2019, 09:07 AM	#10533
gridlewak Enthusiast Posts: 37 Karma: 3100894 Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Nova Scotia, Canada Device: Kobo Vox	A pastor noticed one of the younger parishioners, little Jimmy, looking at a plaque on the wall inside the entry of the local church one day. He approached him to chat............. Pastor: Good morning Jimmy. Jimmy: Good morning Pastor. Could you please tell me what this plaque is for? Pastor: This plaque has the names of all the parishioners that died in the service. Jimmy: Which one? The 8 o'clock one or the 10?

07-13-2019, 06:06 AM	#10534
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	My uncle had surgery and became a superman, and then the anesthetic wore off.

07-14-2019, 08:34 AM	#10535
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Why did the slave go to college? So he could pickup his Master's degree.

07-16-2019, 05:56 AM	#10536
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The patient goes to the dentist and says, "I have yellow teeth, what should I do?" The dentist replies, "Wear a brown tie."

07-18-2019, 05:28 AM	#10537
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma. For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Finally the old girl passed away. On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years." His wife looked at him aghast... "My Aunt Emma?" she cried, "I thought she was your Aunt Emma!"

07-20-2019, 06:42 AM	#10538
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	An infectious disease walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve infectious diseases here.” The infectious disease says, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”

07-21-2019, 07:27 AM	#10539
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	If all is love, will everything end in the Apuckerlips?

07-22-2019, 08:21 AM	#10540
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,"Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend. "Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."

07-23-2019, 06:29 AM	#10541
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Bank robbery is a safe job.

07-24-2019, 05:48 AM	#10542
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

07-24-2019, 07:33 AM	#10543
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,736 Karma: 26785668 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Thinkpad E595, Ubuntu Mate, Huawei Mediapad 5, Bouye Likebook Plus	One evening Pavlov was in the pub. He sat at the table with his work mates, talking and drinking. Someone gave a tip and a bell was rung. Pavlov stood straight up at once, looked around the room, and exclaimed, "Oh, shit! I forgot to feed the dogs!"