07-11-2019, 11:26 PM | #10531 |
Reborn Paper User
Posts: 8,616
Karma: 15446734
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Que Nada
Device: iPhone8, iPad Air
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07-12-2019, 06:49 AM | #10532 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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A tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at a farmhouse to ask if he could be stay there for the night.
“Well, we’re mighty crowded since there’s already someone in the spare room,” replied the farmer. “But I guess you can stay if you don’t mind sharing the bed with a tall blonde.” The tourist puffed out his chest and replied, “That’s fine by me and in case you’re worried, I want you to know I’m a gentleman.” “Well,” mused the farmer, “as far as I can tell, so is the tall blonde.” |
07-12-2019, 09:07 AM | #10533 |
Enthusiast
Posts: 37
Karma: 3100894
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Device: Kobo Vox
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A pastor noticed one of the younger parishioners, little Jimmy, looking at a plaque on the wall inside the entry of the local church one day. He approached him to chat.............
Pastor: Good morning Jimmy. Jimmy: Good morning Pastor. Could you please tell me what this plaque is for? Pastor: This plaque has the names of all the parishioners that died in the service. Jimmy: Which one? The 8 o'clock one or the 10? |
07-13-2019, 06:06 AM | #10534 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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My uncle had surgery and became a superman, and then the anesthetic wore off.
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07-14-2019, 08:34 AM | #10535 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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Why did the slave go to college? So he could pickup his Master's degree.
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07-16-2019, 05:56 AM | #10536 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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The patient goes to the dentist and says, "I have yellow teeth, what should I do?"
The dentist replies, "Wear a brown tie." |
07-18-2019, 05:28 AM | #10537 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma.
For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Finally the old girl passed away. On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years." His wife looked at him aghast... "My Aunt Emma?" she cried, "I thought she was your Aunt Emma!" |
07-20-2019, 06:42 AM | #10538 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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An infectious disease walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve infectious diseases here.” The infectious disease says, “Well, you’re not a very good host.” |
07-21-2019, 07:27 AM | #10539 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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If all is love, will everything end in the Apuckerlips?
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07-22-2019, 08:21 AM | #10540 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,"Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend. "Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first." |
07-23-2019, 06:29 AM | #10541 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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Bank robbery is a safe job.
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07-24-2019, 05:48 AM | #10542 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
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07-24-2019, 07:33 AM | #10543 |
Handy Elephant
Posts: 1,736
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods
Device: Thinkpad E595, Ubuntu Mate, Huawei Mediapad 5, Bouye Likebook Plus
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One evening Pavlov was in the pub. He sat at the table with his work mates, talking and drinking. Someone gave a tip and a bell was rung.
Pavlov stood straight up at once, looked around the room, and exclaimed, "Oh, shit! I forgot to feed the dogs!" |
07-24-2019, 08:12 AM | #10544 |
Reborn Paper User
Posts: 8,616
Karma: 15446734
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Que Nada
Device: iPhone8, iPad Air
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07-25-2019, 03:21 AM | #10545 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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