Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 722

drjd · 01-16-2020, 09:45 AM

Isabelle: What did the plate say to the fork?

Frank: What?

Isabelle: “Lunch is on me.”

doubleshuffle · 01-18-2020, 02:14 AM

Warning!!! Atrocious pun coming up!!!

Did you hear about the Italian chef? He pasta way.

drjd · 01-18-2020, 05:10 AM

I tried to mine diamonds but all I found was chalcedony, I'm sard to say.

drjd · 01-20-2020, 01:09 PM

Recalled Christmas Toys -

Broken Bag-O-Glass
Dr. Kevorkian First Aid Kit
Jeffrey Domhers Easy Bake oven and cookbook
Timothy McVays home Chemistry set
Switchblade Barney
Pork-n-Beany Babies
Make your own moonshine kit
Mike Tyson Doll (with ear biting action)

doubleshuffle · 01-20-2020, 01:10 PM

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner.

drjd · 01-21-2020, 05:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doubleshuffle

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner.

Groan!

drjd · 01-21-2020, 06:08 AM

Hypothetical situations are best described as whether forecasts.

drjd · 01-22-2020, 02:43 PM

Fashion victims? Those with tie-dyed pants are guilty of jeanocide.

Adoby · 01-22-2020, 06:01 PM

Do you know what the white stuff in a bird poop is?

Spoiler:

doubleshuffle · 01-24-2020, 02:22 AM

A monk and a nun are playing tennis. Every time the monk misses a ball, he shouts, "Goddamn, I missed!" The nun tells him not to swear so much, and that the Lord certainly won't like it. But the monk can't help himself, and since he isn't a very good player, the court resounds with his curses: "Goddamn, I missed!", again and again and again. Then suddenly there's a dark cloud above, from which a bolt of lightning comes down and kills the nun. A moment of shocked silence, then a booming voice from above: "Goddamn, I missed!"

drjd · 01-24-2020, 04:06 AM

My friend's 5 year old daughter drew a nice picture of a princess and beautiful flowers and sunshine...

Then she brought the picture to her daddy and said, "Daddy, this is a picture of you and me... but I don't have time to draw you."

drjd · 01-25-2020, 05:55 AM

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

Adoby · 01-25-2020, 07:26 AM

The butcher was asked how he could have lower prices than the big store. He said it was due to staff cuts.

doubleshuffle · 01-27-2020, 03:31 AM

Two days late, and very bad:

In the hospital the other day, I passed a ward where the patients were solemnly reciting Scottish poetry. It was the Serious Burns Unit.

drjd · 01-27-2020, 08:11 AM

It was a love story based in Austria ... about a Venetian who was blinded by Jalousie.

01-22-2020, 06:01 PM	#10824
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,736 Karma: 26785668 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Thinkpad E595, Ubuntu Mate, Huawei Mediapad 5, Bouye Likebook Plus	Do you know what the white stuff in a bird poop is? Spoiler: It is bird poop as well...

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01-16-2020, 09:45 AM	#10816
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Isabelle: What did the plate say to the fork? Frank: What? Isabelle: “Lunch is on me.”

01-18-2020, 02:14 AM	#10817
doubleshuffle Unicycle Daredevil Posts: 13,923 Karma: 185041098 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Planet of the Pudding Brains Device: Aura HD (R.I.P. After six years the USB socket died.) tolino shine 3	Warning!!! Atrocious pun coming up!!! Did you hear about the Italian chef? He pasta way.

01-18-2020, 05:10 AM	#10818
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I tried to mine diamonds but all I found was chalcedony, I'm sard to say.

01-20-2020, 01:09 PM	#10819
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Recalled Christmas Toys - Broken Bag-O-Glass Dr. Kevorkian First Aid Kit Jeffrey Domhers Easy Bake oven and cookbook Timothy McVays home Chemistry set Switchblade Barney Pork-n-Beany Babies Make your own moonshine kit Mike Tyson Doll (with ear biting action)

01-20-2020, 01:10 PM	#10820
doubleshuffle Unicycle Daredevil Posts: 13,923 Karma: 185041098 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Planet of the Pudding Brains Device: Aura HD (R.I.P. After six years the USB socket died.) tolino shine 3	What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner.

01-21-2020, 06:08 AM	#10822
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Hypothetical situations are best described as whether forecasts.

01-22-2020, 02:43 PM	#10823
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Fashion victims? Those with tie-dyed pants are guilty of jeanocide.

01-24-2020, 02:22 AM	#10825
doubleshuffle Unicycle Daredevil Posts: 13,923 Karma: 185041098 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Planet of the Pudding Brains Device: Aura HD (R.I.P. After six years the USB socket died.) tolino shine 3	A monk and a nun are playing tennis. Every time the monk misses a ball, he shouts, "Goddamn, I missed!" The nun tells him not to swear so much, and that the Lord certainly won't like it. But the monk can't help himself, and since he isn't a very good player, the court resounds with his curses: "Goddamn, I missed!", again and again and again. Then suddenly there's a dark cloud above, from which a bolt of lightning comes down and kills the nun. A moment of shocked silence, then a booming voice from above: "Goddamn, I missed!"

01-24-2020, 04:06 AM	#10826
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	My friend's 5 year old daughter drew a nice picture of a princess and beautiful flowers and sunshine... Then she brought the picture to her daddy and said, "Daddy, this is a picture of you and me... but I don't have time to draw you."

01-25-2020, 05:55 AM	#10827
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

01-25-2020, 07:26 AM	#10828
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,736 Karma: 26785668 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Thinkpad E595, Ubuntu Mate, Huawei Mediapad 5, Bouye Likebook Plus	The butcher was asked how he could have lower prices than the big store. He said it was due to staff cuts.

01-27-2020, 03:31 AM	#10829
doubleshuffle Unicycle Daredevil Posts: 13,923 Karma: 185041098 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Planet of the Pudding Brains Device: Aura HD (R.I.P. After six years the USB socket died.) tolino shine 3	Two days late, and very bad: In the hospital the other day, I passed a ward where the patients were solemnly reciting Scottish poetry. It was the Serious Burns Unit.

01-27-2020, 08:11 AM	#10830
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	It was a love story based in Austria ... about a Venetian who was blinded by Jalousie.