Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 486

MJK2111 · 12-04-2013, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

INFIDEL! BLASPHEMER!

You name has been submitted to the Index Personae Prohibitorum at Apple Corps Ltd.

THANKS! Now I feel 'special'...

WT Sharpe · 12-04-2013, 10:51 PM

I heard this on an episode of "The Garry Moore Show" I watched today. Seems Garry got a letter from the wife of a serviceman who overheard her daughter praying for a baby brother, "To surprise daddy with when he gets home."

Yup. That would do it!

yvanleterrible · 12-05-2013, 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

I heard this on an episode of "The Garry Moore Show" I watched today. Seems Garry got a letter from the wife of a serviceman who overheard her daughter praying for a baby brother, "To surprise daddy with when he gets home."

Yup. That would do it!

The quality of the surprise would depend on the duration of his absence.

orlok · 12-05-2013, 07:10 AM

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was a grandmotherly, elderly woman.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.

You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.

You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.

Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs Jones. Do you know the defence attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too.

He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state.

Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife.

Yes, I know him."

Before the defence attorney could say anything else, the judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt."

Fbone · 12-05-2013, 02:19 PM

What birds think about ...

Fbone · 12-07-2013, 05:27 PM

That always works.

poohbear_nc · 12-07-2013, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

That always works.

Did you fully charge the battery before calling customer service?

yvanleterrible · 12-07-2013, 06:28 PM

Must be an app issue.

poohbear_nc · 12-07-2013, 06:32 PM

Maybe try a factory reset?

Stitchawl · 12-07-2013, 09:05 PM

Have you installed third party applications in the past?

Stitchawl

WT Sharpe · 12-08-2013, 03:37 AM

Not to be outdone by Amazon, UPS revealed plans to begin their own direct air to end user delivery service.

Fbone · 12-09-2013, 06:23 PM

Fbone · 12-10-2013, 05:58 PM

This is the last thing you see before being eaten by a penguin.

Fbone · 12-11-2013, 06:53 PM

orlok · 12-12-2013, 10:10 AM

Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies.

Is that a trick question???

12-08-2013, 03:37 AM	#7286
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,073 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	Not to be outdone by Amazon, UPS revealed plans to begin their own direct air to end user delivery service. Attached Thumbnails

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12-04-2013, 10:51 PM	#7277
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,073 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	I heard this on an episode of "The Garry Moore Show" I watched today. Seems Garry got a letter from the wife of a serviceman who overheard her daughter praying for a baby brother, "To surprise daddy with when he gets home." Yup. That would do it!

12-05-2013, 07:10 AM	#7279
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs Jones. Do you know the defence attorney?" She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." Before the defence attorney could say anything else, the judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt."

12-05-2013, 02:19 PM	#7280
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	What birds think about ...

12-07-2013, 05:27 PM	#7281
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	That always works.

12-07-2013, 06:28 PM	#7283
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	Must be an app issue.

12-07-2013, 06:32 PM	#7284
poohbear_nc Now what? Posts: 58,886 Karma: 135181808 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!	Maybe try a factory reset?

12-07-2013, 09:05 PM	#7285
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Have you installed third party applications in the past? Stitchawl

12-09-2013, 06:23 PM	#7287
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus

12-10-2013, 05:58 PM	#7288
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	This is the last thing you see before being eaten by a penguin.

12-11-2013, 06:53 PM	#7289
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus

12-12-2013, 10:10 AM	#7290
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question???