The first 40 pages

[happy_terd]

https://www.mobileread.com/forums/showthread.php?t=63349

edit: up through post 4557 completed. Fixed a few minor spellings (very few actually), but left most of it verbatim. GeoffC is also on the team with us keeping this summary thread updated.

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Hello, he said as he picked her pocket. She spun around to slap his cheeks, but his flatulence won out over his long winded expression of distaste. Taste! She replied, "How do I finish THAT?" Simply He retorted, "Just look out for gas!" He chuckled. "You have me confused," she said. Love is often confusing. So is a bullet He flicked his ashes on her French poodle skirt. She jumped back and pulled out a [and pulled out her] pink daisy pistol. "Now how do you like them apples??" He gasped, I like them juicy red, and off the tree" He smugly grinned. Well, these apples come with seeds, of intrigue!" He scratched his chin.

He thought “Some dames are just so sexy! And so it goes. Waking with a start he realized the truth. He'd never even asked her her name. So deciding on a novel approach, he stood up removed his boxer shorts, from his refrigerator, and put them in the post to his uncle together with his prized native carved Meerschaum pipe. The next day, his test results came back showing that he had flunked all of them. Sad and depressed, he slumped down on the kitchen floor and clutched his most threadbare teddy. Teddy, my dear Teddy why hast thou forsaken Mrs. Teddy?", he asked. Rather surprisingly, the teddy had a detailed list as long as his spotty failed relationship record and even more heinous. Oh Pooh, he said, as he squatted down How could you be so soft, yet so uncannily irritating?" He said, as Teddy slowly turned, his mouth opened into a diatribe unbecoming of and his flying circus of thesauri.

Unexpectedly, his uncle, kennyc, and the usual suspects broke in with frozen boxer shorts on their heads. and 45s in their hats. Kenny said: “Obviously this is our first intervention." The group looked at the track marks leading back into the cradle of his arm. What is that!? There. One of the team fell down the stairs which was odd, considering we had no stairs (he'd brought his own) and he was a world class stair smuggler currently being chased by a black-robed figure wearing shiny red tennies. Help, he shouted, "I'm being oppressed! Come see the full story at 9, to be repeated with film at 11. With that taken care of, he headed for the only man who had ever kissed him. Wow! What a night! He felt so alone, except for the mustachioed stranger across the dance floor by the raving purple octopus. Alas, alac and anon! any one see the mistake? Octopuses do not rave. right poster, wrong mistake he said, with a hand puppet named Percy.

Suddenly, Percy took on an Indian accent and said, "Allow me to introduce you to Kathy Bates, my right and. Right hand, Kathy Bates!" yes, the axe wielding Kathy Bates, my friend. mentor, inspiration and pal Suddenly, terror swept the floor like a flounder flapping aimlessly on the deck of the Titanic. In the distance, ahead, A chocolate iceberg threatened hence tempting all passengers to abandon all diets (women and children, first) (then cats and dogs) (Fat, old guys last!) I’m saved, I’m saved......Suddenly, the chocolate iceberg 'sploded! raining down a chocolate Zabaglione ice-cream deluge. Oh, not again!, sighed the nearest humpback whale this'll make the dolphins in a tizzy about everything. And now I have chocolate in my blowhole. That'll take a right proper reaming to expunge.

Then he awoke with a fresh idea! I'll join the navy! Overjoyed, he reached for his motion sickness pills and his battery powered blower to blow up and make balloon animals and scare the Ngungunga who had a fear of pelicans, due to an unfortunate incident when the pelican goosed ol' Nbubabuba III, their illustrious majesty and godly mountebank was given a pelican composed almost entirely of beak, belly and fish sticks. And man, did it taste heavenly! But what a godamned stink said neighbor Zelda, while the SHUMs started to shriek like gulls getting into a fight over international politics in south Korea, here the last alien invasion had left an intelligent robot workforce.

Meanwhile, on the other flipper, the outlook for penguins in the Outer horse head nebula were often to be seen attempting to flag down unsuspecting truck drivers, who didn't know how to keep up with this frenetically paced roller coaster. Up and down it rolls, taking my stomach with it, like a toaster pastry on steroids. These hallucinations are getting recorded on high definition for posterity of course turning my brain into scintillating curried mush. On the left turn it turned around again. Amazingly, the turn was not

- BOOOOOOM!!! -

Suddenly an asteroid completely missed the earth. and instead slammed into a large disc floating slightly off-center next to the blue one behind the constellation known as Random Scatter Of Stars Back on earth, the villain known only as Yvan Le Terrible, waited on the results from the latest of polls on ebook reading habits. Meanwhile, back at the beginning of this story, something went terribly wrong what with the twists and the speel cheker knot werking pruperly. Cents the loup around Mars witch then struck a Firefox add-on that underscored Mr Kaufman's Luddite philosophy, as if anyone cared. Godwin's Law having been discredited long since. Now solid proof had appeared (not in the pudding) but in the lemonade, that Luddites and Kaufman had carefully prepared with ridiculous and biased arguments based on ludicrous misconceptions. The attention to trolls became unbelievably stressful for the rational minded reading (are there those? here?) public. Trolls have hidden unfortunately not for long They search for bridges to hide under, burn copies of Atlas Shrugged and generally, prove their stubbornness. They seek something that looks like popcorn. but tastes like chicken legs that have run the interstellar marathon twice. And finished last without losing weight, nor breath not even a single (nor two nor three) feathers during the whole time we were talking.

Instead it started to exhibit signs of being infected with the swineflu so to save the earth from annihilation, one big hypodermic needle was slowly descending towards the floundering beings on the beach, just south of Noosa Heads where a slow breeze was blowing bagpipes to the tune Dancing Queen when someone showed up with a shovel and started to unearth the remnants of a piece of bacon never eaten by Elvis (nor his time sprout) forever and a day in the name of All that is whacked to shreds by a ten pound lump hammer. (Phew! What a sentence!) (Hence my full stop!) Does anything make sense? It's a made-up storyline based on true facts slightly massaged by hackers living in dark dungeons growing mushrooms for dinner ,lunch, tea and supper. Want fries with that? And a fried buffalo, with a side of beef, fried in lard and dipped in chili , and a large ZCD." But, shortly after the repeated vomiting, there was a small grey dog and a gun-wielding shrinking violet of the worst worsted and wurst who committed suicide by means of attempted chocolate overdose. Meanwhile, in another universe, far, far away, a text scrolled across skywise Application Error. System Halted.

The sky was blue, the sea was yellow, the air was ambivalent, and my trenchcoat stained with the life blood of turkeys, who had not escaped thanksgiving dinner. With a huge sigh, and a well deserved bowel movement, he hoisted someone else’s petard, as Zelda cheered from the dungeon of the castle. Meanwhile, back in Graceland The ghost of Elvis rose up to rescue a pair of rabid but very bright socks. Terrified socks that looked like they were washed in a radioactive light emitted by an enormous purple and yellow octopus which eyed Hugo and said "who, why, where ... does "foist" come in? And the answer is... no you fool! don't touch that red button! You'll have us blown to the kingdom of Molvania, where there is underneath the Christmas Tree a small rectangular device labeled "DO NOT TOUCH" or Desert Grandma will kiss you with a hearty laugh and joyous warm rolls with butter. Uncaring, I pushed it.

beyond the limits of sanity and shattered reality. which is The Llounge. Fortunately, with superglue and some clotted cream, circumstances conspired to return the conspirators to the beach at Noosa Heads, here moose run along the winding roads naked while pandaborgs frolic amongst the trees, sans a stitch in time. That's because they had lost nine of which eight were falsely accused of covering matters of small importance with a checkered tablecloth. Meanwhile, eels in hovercrafts and mischief free, headed up an expeditionary force to determine whether or not the salt levels had been corrupted by Global climate change which effected the taste of Mr. Kaufman's head, where *missed timing* the brain blood barrier created when freedoms are unwisely taken for granted. On the other hand, the axe wielding Kathy of cartoon fame crept slowly towards her date, a large, plump Midol. Alooooooha, she heard as the unsharpened tool descended towards his eyes.

Paralyzed, by fright, he played pinochle (or maybe dead?) - the axe didn't care. if it interrupted a moment in time for the Spanish Inquisition. "No-one will live to tell expects the Spanish Inquisition !" survived the initial assault massive simultaneous posting assault to rally the gingerbread knights and peppermint steeds to make a counter clockwise sugar surge reversing Oh dear, it's contagious, complained the militant chocolatier to the blonde sitting at the table. "Chocolate," she said, between swallows,her addiction taking control over her sense of survival. Entranced, she approached the door to the llounge and opened it despite a lingering blue one next to the window of enlightenment. "But where is everyone?" she expostulated nervously, while the fish took a deep breath eyeing the cat with a suspicion that fish was the menu for the cat's enjoyment in spite of the somewhat disturbing thoughts that this may the ONE that will bring home the seagulls.

Even if had to be dragged kicking and screaming through the unspeakable dimensions of the defenestrated window. BUT! There was a single although rather large cat lurking just beyond what we usually refer to as a wall, this time however, it was a very weird-looking cityscape, arranged to appear on alternate new moons but only on a Mobile Read Doughnut Day when the sky is turning a sickly greenish tinge due to the flying donuts crossing the unseen border of the event horizon, leaving everything peachy. Or greenish, depending on the scheme you chose, as well as the direction of the enormous asteroid naked mooses that streaked occasionally across the drab drab drabness of the night sky. There is unfortunately no lights to see where the moose where going to land. Which was a bit scary and quite a risk to the penguins distracted by moose discussing ayyeee, screamed the penquinsit'll be a bit short but 'twill due until we can get to the mothership and beam back the big bad booger from Impa Nima

Ipa Nima, a lovely Oi! no adverts here.... ... and the tortoise sank into the oily, slimy, muck and died horribly. thus inspiring local civic pride for the fallen mud wrestlers. Who else could honor such glorious insanity with seemingly serious crying and carrying on? Look 'ere guv'nor said the wombat as it groomed its rather filthy mud-wrestling outfit, consisting of an electric blue jumpsuit with small silver beads. "I wonder if this makes my butt look fat?" "Of course it does, you are one fat wombat!" said the legendary private eye estella von farkle the twenty third, eyeing the fourth as she went up the stairs to the small cupola over there in the corner. under the oak with naked elf beneath a single blinking lightbulb. which was apparently shorting on shares in Montsmags industries, even though expectations of corruption were high. that, or the otters were making a takeover attempt. Unfortunately, insane weasels conspired with the squirrels to round up shares along with emus, but the shares went square out the window at a nearby penguin's nose which broke. "Ouch", said the penguin in a soto voce sorta way while it held a squid to the head of the chimney sweep who looked quite horrified and said: "Hey, what would Hugo and Lefty do without first buying Christmas gifts for Zelda like three happy llamas jumping insanely around Vivaldi and causing a kerfluffer to laugh uncontrollably.

Meanwhile, a sad puppy looked sad, and somewhat puppy-ish, but, ironically, also somewhat angry, and ready to go medieval on someones authentic reproduction faire quality of Zelda's liseuse, which for some strange reason glowed slightly in the aftermath of the nuclear and legendary Paris apéro where Zelda and got into a heated jacuzzi, wearing nothing but budgie-smugglers and knitted hats of a strange pink hue that shouldn't normally be found in a jacuzzi, at least not unless the moon is in the seventh house after the donut shop.

As it hadn't made with all safety concerns a trebuchet test firing. The pair sang "Feelings." off key and off the deep end* while at the other end of the septic tank a suspicious-looking clown actually a nightmare clown was surreptitiously trying to make off color remarks about otter fashion sense ,not realizing that otters enjoy eating bean burritos. But tonight, the burritos were extra spicy and ,rather unusually, made of stir fried and deep deep-filled stuffed scotch bonnets whose scolville units were higher than the usual , after soaking in ZCDs causing chili prices to fall noisily to the bottom of the barrel. Where they stayed along with a few penguins and a disgruntled duck getting thwacked by unknown entities that was swimming the backstroke without looking a gift-horse in the rear end, which was fortunate given the rampant

decline in the availability of e-books in countries we have never heard due to geographical restrictions and a small bumble-bee completing the minute waltz. In under a minute despite Chopin's complete absence from the playing field VR had completely eaten the original priceless manuscript to the well known Zelda and the seven SHUMS", it's a real page turner, or just thumb twiddler? Oh no here come the amazing space elves, with their cute, but lethal, deathrays. decked out in tinsel and glowing in the strange giggling way only the truly innocent can. when throwing a spanner at a goat. "Yummy!" ,the goat exclaimed munching on some crispy bacon and soggy chips with stale tasting guacamole from captain pinktoes' stinky boots . "Stop, that tickles!", he he bleated, unconcerned about global warming and sugar coated cereal, but mystified by the fact that Sony went totally epub on their butts, leading with the left, but following through with a compressed HTML based format that made no sense compared to the beauty of the small, blue one next to the somewhat fish like object that nevertheless did not sing "Llama, Llama, Duck!" and thus, no "TWHACKKK" marred the dreamy silence that existed here, near the much too late Bad Santa Claus, who was busy wrapping up coal and drinking a hot toddy with extra
sherry and lashings of a cat-o'-nine-tails in penance for what he did . On the other hand, he had a ring that the Doctor said would work if rubbed on a blue fabric next to a fish.

The only problem was the closest fish was not all that keen about flopping around on the roundabout, since it was intoxicated with whiskey. And started to vomit diamonds and roses and puppy dog tails, which surprised the fish so much that it simply screamed and jumped out of the water and into the frying pan This feels very cozy said the cook, while he added generous lashings of bacon and cheese to every doughnut except the one covered in strawberry jelly and peppermint with a cherry on top. The blue fish felt left out and went off for a walk in the snow. But suddenly it remembered its urgent appointment with the pshrynk who was treating its homicidal tendencies and it's Oedipus complex with "Get over it!" and "That will be $300 please, you can pay me in e-book gift certificates from Amazon , said the laddy by the green-painted door as we decide if green-painted is one word or two, but it doesn't matter anyway. Green is the new black. And black is the new one next to the green. And with that we almost end the hour with another attempt at a mud-slinging mud-fest in Mudchestershire.

Meanwhile, Weresquirrels considered Goldbach's conjecture, and plotted, from within GCHQ, using co-ordinates gained illicitly from evil demonic weresloths. The heretofore unbeknownst denizens of long lost Atlantis were having a ball drinking strong love potions. But Weresloths and Weresquirrels usually don't get along unless there is nuts enough to share between them. Unfortunately, this year the Chicago Mercantile Exchange was affected by global hoarding of pistachios, resulting in a sudden and frightening stampede to assimilate nuts and bolts to assemble the large and rather awkwardly insanitarily looking atomic powered peanut shelling inadvertently violent invisible gibbon who liked to dance naked, since he was invisible and that meant that he derived no pleasure from being so . Sad, he searched for a visibility potion that would save his beloved significant other gibbon from the anorexia nervosa that that the psychiatrist triggered inadvertently when he said My, what a nice gibbon donut I had last night in the privacy of my own boxing ring!

Yet now looking at you sitting there, so horribly overweight." And in another universe, cowboy gibbons roamed the beaches looking for unsuspecting chimpanzees. Chimps were the bane of their existence because they didn't wash very well behind their ears and knees, although their mothers sometimes made very tasty pancakes with the stuff from behind the fridge and under the porch, like spiders. Naturally, the spiders took this the wrong way down the street. Arrested. Charged. And thrown into a vat of cherry pie filling. The baker was none other than William Shatner as himself despite the fake tan and the button down combined corset and nappy with suspenders and belt which he wore with great pride and humiliation thanks to his highly honed sense of hearing that could detect a pink fluffy slipper approaching his famous polished wood , silver, and inlaid gilt acting skillz. "To Infinity or else! Full power, and tape my toupee at warp V, while Heather Locklear looked on, balanced precariously on the left knee," said Shatner. Where are my meds? $300, please. You can tell the laddy to take his annual vacation and leave the door unattended for one month and hope that no-one notices that it is locked tight and not accessible from the outside. Strange occurrences were detected in the Force! Who promptly attached blue lights in a special way to the fish who swam near the beaches was singing Kayleigh. Misplaced strike marks deleted prose where zombies stumbled and disassembled.

Fearing an explosion they ducked, not realizing the low-lying laser beam was tracking them. Unfortunately, a thwack upside the head made them go away feeling a little sick to the stomach and curiously mellow about about being cross-eyed. Kaboom! The ultimate zombie appeared! She was wearing a itsy bitsy teeny weeny diamond ring that her toe sparkled as she wondered where it came from outer space. Then, Noddy Holder shouted, "It's my pension fund! Play it again Sam, for old thyme's sake, which is beyond another dimension and behind a cupboard being guarded by very big, ugly, lewd porcupine. Who were angry and desired revenge on the big hairy Santa who ate all the pies, and gave the cookies to Santa Claus and didn't leave even one for those silly reindeer who ended up sulking and plotting horrible vengeance.


Meanwhile, back at the almost forgotten beaches, the dolphins were wondering what the large beach ball was doing next to the small in comparison Klingon starship that came from outer space. Well, where else would it come from, unless we're Completely deluded, added the Narrator. Seeing shocked looks, it turned around and asked what on earth is that horrible sound?" Cracking, crashing, cacophony came from the heretofore ignored Really Terrible Orchestra Embarrassed, the Klingon captain cuddled the large beach ball which she mistook for a large hand grenade ready to explode in southwestern France. Fortunately, the beach ball was entirely confused as to the location of France, as Dark Star had left them rather spatially challenged. No Kaboom? asked the somewhat dispirited penguin who had just stopped programming a new word processor. Am I typing this? and who am I to be the author of the greatest work using skywriting ever." Mischievously the massed squirrel airforce went into an uncontrolled frenzy and started cracking jokes left right and even behind the fridge.

Some of the more off color jokes offended the zorange and genies who went into action wearing nothing but a thong. Or maybe two half-coconut shells over their head for protection. Of course, that didn't stop the ducks from ducking and getting thwacked THWACK!! THWACK!! THWACK!! THWACK!! said the narrator, vengefully then giggled manically and had another doughnut with a hole in it . The Donut People appeared slightly puzzled by what they should do with long prophesied holy holes conspicuous by their absence Lo, these many years... they hoped for something but they knew not the doughnut hole secret. For decades they searched following the doughnut prophecies of Nostradonutus, little realizing that Bart Simpson knew that only Lisa could unlock the mysteries of the secret code embedded in the tattoo that the doughnut high priestess had placed on the long-lost jewel-encrusted doughnut fryer of imminent doom that loomed over that beach. It's the world's end! screeched the befuddled Klingon in a voice that made mountains tremble with glee and cast out a vorpal can opener into the aforementioned pub. The can opener smashed into the glass bottle which prompted a green flash and a blue bottle relative to cry foul, then the umpire went down on all four words at the tip of his tongue.

Unfortunately, the cat [Cat? Why always cats?] grabbed his tongue and [dog got your tongue???] ran away with it which is typical behavior in countries that start catering to cat's behavior. Thus rendered silent, sign language was the only means of communicating what the nefarious gibbons had was happening next year with those nefarious gibbons in Oz, where things [Crap!] were always just about hum drum every day except for New Year's first three hundred and and sixty party animals. Meanwhile, over there the nefarious gibbons flowed freely and noisily around the chocolate fountain, dipping their rear ends in the liquid chocolate, then licking icing from donuts under cover of darkness until it was stolen by an untimely sunrise, shedding confused celestial mechanics students , a mindset that guaranteed keeping the spaceship docked in correct area of common reality was unlikely.

Hey, what happened to Zelda, our Queen?" asked the Klingon captain to the celestial mechanics students who started looking for clues as to her personal timeline. Shocked, they discovered that she was in the parlor, eating into her very life-force! Which doesn't seem like it would taste very appetizing. In fact, it had a certain aroma eerily reminiscent of a boiled skunk, a delicacy not to be missed. As to what she had planned to do it had been totally secret. She existed in only in a plane , those plans were now scuppered. Scuppered beyond redemption. but at least they disregarded all pretence of decorum and ripped off their uniforms, shocking many. All they had underneath were Aquaman underroos. Blinded, they screamed out loudly for mind bleach in intravenous drips to be given twice daily. However the concentrate had got volatile after being mixed with chocolate ice cream. Seismic brain freeze manifested like a bolt of supernova gamma rays, piercing the eardrums of the nearby choir who were busy rehearsing their famous rap and yodeling combo of the song "Feelings." Suddenly, the monkeys took fright at the dreadful wigs being worn by Bald-Headed Invaders of the Laundromat. They washed down their donuts with an effervescent acid, burped iridescent violet bubbles and grew sparkly gossamer wings. which they used for clothing while they washed their lacy undergarments.

Meanwhile, blinding snow fell in clumps from air vents (it was very cold) and the air conditioning , powered by hyperactive ferrets, played "ice ice baby" with arrangements by montsnmag . The ceiling began retracting very, very slowly, and with razor sharp spikes a mechanical spider descended without any menace involved , as it knew the lyrics and choreography to Thriller. It had no intention of causing any problems. It just wanted What is this blasphemy to observe the situation whilst wearing a red shirt with "Bengals Suck!" that smelled lightly of freshly squeezed lemon juice and carrots. Metaphysically speaking, the diet of marsupials can be quite painful. Just imagine digesting twelve spiny lobsters and then forgetting you had butter sauce to make it more slippery and tasty. Multiply that feeling by the square root of eleventy and you begin to understand the magnitude of what hitherto only the ancient Mayans had been able to calculate by means of painstaking use of two llamas specially trained for this task. However, the llamas were not always reliable and sometimes miscalculated to deliberately annoy the priests.

Deep in the bowels there was a rumbling and a tumbling as the ire of jealous gods cascaded upon the five mischievous llamas, who nevertheless persisted in their attempt at playing volleyball in pink striped socks and matching undies while reciting the full llama sutra . "Hi, my name's Adrian," read the Mayan hieroglyphs with probable copyright infringement not to mention definite DRM-related geographic restrictions risking defenestration, decapitation, death and a dance routine featuring the five llamas doing perfect Elvis Presley impersonations. Woe to all who mess with monkey gods." For monkey gods will (and other gods won't) she really loved it said the adolescent f***wit . The moon rose slowly over the misty mountain , while dwarves enviously wondered how to steal the sparkling green emeralds. They Made my ego hurt much like this storyline the detritus of which is in next H&V and the raisin pudding of doom. It being the eleventyth prequel to some other story that [bad double post save] will have already been of Spotted Dick and Mottled Harry with cream laced with juniper berries that were too stupid to know the difference.

The moon then slowly plunged into utter despair having learned that only one person had ever survived a four-word-post thread That had become sinful without pulling his f***ing head off and replacing it with one not quite so sodding awful Knife out of place! interjected the adolescent f**kwit who has no wrongdoings other than breathing too often (like, at all). Peace, brothers said Adrian lest you wake the Mob boss and his pet hamster, which is still lodged deeply in The crab, which confuses Manny and Solly, who Made me laugh hard enough to spit milk which was very messy. Mathematically speaking, whenever possible the struggle must end in tears. So, what most of us want is a new drug, and Friday's question of where are the donuts? Yeah! Where is it? They were eaten by restless natives chanting "Where has the middle gone ."

Terror swept the natives as they realized that EBay wont let you Live free or die when selling other people's rutabagas. On the other side of the galaxy things were beginning to shatter. Reality was unstable as it had been torn apart by the timeline damage caused by the supernova bubblegum explosion Very fruity paradox, I instantly thought about Michael . The previously unknown dimensions prepared their attack forces consisting of one spatula and three melon ballers . Fortunately, the size differential Does not matter, maybe they were ghosts. Knowing what a martyr is, they selected one unfortunate subterranean tunnel dweller to subject to the ultimate punishment, something so horrible, so terribly, mind-bogglingly painful ...The Call of Cthulhu. seemed a mere blip in comparison. The unfortunate subject was jettisoned into the vast, fluffy, wildly, bed of horrifying comfort. It was as if any consolation, having to lay in a marshmallow-cloud while being tortured with a sticky iced-donut massage!

Meanwhile, back at the first page of the thread, "Hello" he said as the world restarted. At first, there was an awkward moment as nobody realized what was the matter with the rapidly diminishing gravity, they had trouble drinking coffee without their sippy cups. THEN SUDDENLY FROM BEYOND the mountains came Reginaldous, a vast multi-legged grey-bearded accountant. Shocked, he said What's up with this?! Then slowly pulled down a large account sheet which no longer balanced left with right, nor inside with out. "Who let the dogs out?" Without unreasonable doubt, decide upon an accounting method which treats securitized mortgages on dog kennels as if they were merely personal privatized petting zoos with no smoking areas , particularly for the llamas, at least those with chronic shopping channel addictions. Get not one, but four, and there's more if you call within the next two hours and fifteen minutes, you'll receive a years supply of chupacabra repellent!" The offer was irresistible and I phoned straight away!

Everyone phoned right away! The phone lines were overloaded, onhold music by John Williams entranced everyone. but not everyone was enamored when ABBA came on. Suddenly the lines went silent and then ever so slowly, there was an increasing sound of clapping as happiness or of happing clappiness.. which is defined as a ZCD before breakfast. Unfortunately, they used a a greased squirrel bartender to squirrel away the exact recipe for the chupacabra repellent. Tragically, weasels , wearing squirrel suits, had married the squirrel's sisters, and the resulting squeasels ran rampant all over the quiet fox the unprepared, non-squeasel-proof world.

This would of course caused a worldwide shortage of violator ejection otters who broke many thread rules Expensive freaking, I have to-... learn how to count before the astronomical conjunction erases us from story , shattering the thread's structure. breaking the fourth wall and generally causing much havoc and sprinkled doughnuts landing on our heads. Only time will tell When to die, there aren't any new precedents But many old prenuptials involving those ubiquitous lawyers and their antecedents which didn't like old prenuptials despite anti-ageist legislation legislation which legislated firmly against anti-anti-ageist legislation legislation, thereby once again referencing prenuptials. On the other hand a vow of poverty and five little fingers that were holding a five fingered discount at a body part emporium. Divorcing this scenario we now divert our attention from the pre-prenuptial-prenuptials into scenarios, which cycles incessantly through, around and over , over, around, and through! Which does not bode well for the cows which old MacDonald had taken into the lounge , so unlike a farm. Dogs barked their heads to the music of ABBA's "Dancing Queen." Naked except for tin-foil, covering all four paws Which kept the aliens and their ears. all cozy inside one shiny flying saucer. Travelling Over several illegal miles of hidden chocolate farms there lay hidden many Cocoa Army divisions. Armed, and legged, with armor plated genitalia, just in Time for awkward battle of fondue fork lancing. Then, out of nowhere the Caramel Troopers arrived. They stood there wondering Is this the end?

Pulling out their ereaders, and screaming "LAAAHHOOOOTIIIIIIII MAAHBOOOOOOOOOOTTTIIIIIIII The Army then realized they'd forgotten to load the secret password into the fortune cookie for the snacker of nations. They were concerned that The Keebler Elves Would find the neurotic gnomes stealing all Their underwear and wearing them on their heads as they ran the U.S senate As people became dumber, more and more democrats decided to eat donuts and grant themselves raises and kill little kids while clubbing baby seals in their imagination only! The room fell silent. OBAMA started to speak about our no-politics rule and about donuts. Since no one listens anyway, the donuts became the reason Obama left politics and also this thread. Fortunately for the My-Little-Ponies, the aliens from Saggitarius Dwarf Elliptical Galaxy (SagDEG), were already on their hippity-hoppity way toward Easter break in Cancun (period . . . end of sentence.)

Much to my chagrin, Cancun was closed, but no one had told the hooter girls I had a small unit sent to provide alcohol , tator tots, and roofies as the tin roof fell on their heads. When they recovered, Babs asked if they wanted her Oatmeal Cookie recipe.(period, end of sentence.) No thankyou, said the glowing ectoplasmic gnome. "The roofies will quickly kick the squirrels into touch football games with less accuracy than falling snowflakes. However, soccer was different. For starters, more hooliganism and less stupid mascots. Registered hooligans are required to wear pink tutus and florescent orange bowties. Desmond Tutu was heard but not seen at the world cup games saying "Go Team! Go!" At which they all went team went. Bittergent tasted better after a can of BBQ spam. Give me a dollar!!! someone loudly called out. got change for a a well-to-do Banker on the verge of gross insubordination to his masters command to buy up all the leftover tutus, odd socks and the last bowtie. Reuters reported squirrels, lobsters, pandas, OTTERS and other unidentified creatures plan a World-domination-Plan to recreate Noah's Ark without the water. This would cause great problems in accommodations as now ducks [THOUAQUE!!!] would need to find a way to transform stray animals into meatloaf or other singing superstars but mostly just meatloaf when he was singing I would do anything... for love, but I won't basejump during thunderstorms ."

Flabbergasted and shocked onlookers gasted flabbers, onlooked shocked, flabbers shocked onlooked gasters who were ghastly, flabby (that's no whale), just absolutely baffled the Smurfs sudden misguided thouacque!!! attack which failed completely, due to unexpected thouacque breakage. Some might blame environmentalists , others fnargle the grnoblags otherwise grnoblag t' fnargles , for the music of the magical, mystical mini-mouse. The flood of pandas meant that all sense went whooshing around the fabulous floating bamboo groves on Pandora. The pandas mating chants filled the opera houses and pubs with a hypnotic atmosphere of go-go dancers and stoned naked one-eyed giants. Fortunately, go-go dancing hypnotized him, her, them and the awesomeness froze them.

Secretly this thread has started to envy them. Rudolf the red-nosed-reindeer flew into the club to finangle some flanging irons but ended up getting flanging aluminums instead. Disappointed, Rudolf ordered some JackDaniels by the case-load, and in a stage whisper to the right. Bang snap, crackle, and pop Rudolph had firecrackers in his backpack, along with his entire collection of chocolate and Paris Breasts Paris Breasts? Santa asked. Ooops. Brests., replied misspeller. It happens, Freud retorted. A Freudian slip, if ever there ever there was one." stuttered the embarassed misspeller. Meanwhile, Rudolph , fascinated, search for Paris Hilton abandoned, slipped on something a little more see through, drew whistles of delight from bronchial brontasaurii recently time-warped in from his latest adventures in COBOL programming on uncommon common business oriented etch-a-sketches. The only real way to say "I have nothing to do." , is by pestering the weatherman to stop with the deluge of frogs and the synoptic, mischievous farking winter predictions that doesn't come off no matter how much hand-having or how hard they try to package it . Consumer comments? 1-800-DRINK RC.

This is, of course the beginning of something super stunning and sexy : the Eurovision Song Contest. ha ! kidding. i meant, Mamma Mia, the Musical! ha, ha !!! [hysterical laughter] Thankfully, a comet hit the Earth before they got taken over by the squirrels and otters. Not long after that ABBA admitted to never having written the lyrics to any of their latest hit songs. But in a subsequent lawsuit the band Culture Club vehemently and tearfully explained about the crying game. I know all I need to count to four and tell the moon that ABBA is wonderful." Sang the chameleon of many numbered colors whilst karma flowed liberally in the direction of ducks and lavender snowmen. The karma challenged however, have warm and freshly baked croissants to console them as they watched the setting sun rise above the blue ocean with bubbles in the foam and cute little fish soaring over the waves and splashing joyously with the dead seagulls floating past the beaming lighthouse Those dead seagulls sure look tasty," said the carrion eating lobster of discerning tastes, on migration to the Nor-southerly Sea. Abruptly, a crashing sound resounded like thunderous applause. which begat thunderous laughter and also thunderbolts and the sound of silence dwindled from consciousness . Bombilating not found in dictionary , was sent to committee for unauthorized post change . Meanwhile, the nomadic gnomes joined forces with the stationary pink flamingos, to decorate Marc's front yard. The most notable leader of blue tattooed Maoris decided to marry his mortal enemy's favorite daughter by the erupting volcano Ruapehu. This caused great confusion, Marc being Australian. So they decided that an Australian and Maori union of invisible gibbons
would not be the end of the road merely a starting point down a one-way street to perdition. Speaking of cannibalism, did you hear what the cannibal said to the Mobilered.com moderator?

No, because I wasn't dressed at the moment the flashbulbs blinded me. Every once in a blue moon, strange things happen when you're dead. Nobody Owens recounted later - yep, eleventy croissants left. Seventeen-hundred gallons of beer and 2/3rds majority vote on the wall. Seventeen-hundred... shivering ice-gnomes waited for farking winter to end. They knew that soon farking spring would start bringing a dangerous and overpowering desire to sit unclothed under the midday moon and pray for fast fingers so they can remove clothes faster and weed the garden , which isnt an innuendo, in which magic pumpkins wait patiently for Linus and little plastic ponies and Red Baron Snoopy T-shirts, rerouted from Paris with amazing speed and the dexterity of a llama with rollerblades figure-eighting two forklifts and three apples, to arrive.

They finally reached Outer Mongolia quicker than a rabid squirrel on speed. In five minutes and 32 seconds, but then they found that they had no idea where the space ship had landed. "No worries," said the wombat from down under the down comforter, cozy snug but semi moist and starting to feel a little bit drunk but still able to open up the fridge and gasp when the ice cubes began to fly at him from the spaceship's ice cube making machine, which unfortunately had no tribbles in the motor which could eat, eat, and eat and then start to fill up on over-the-counter and completely bury the rules bending maneuvers in record time.

Then the planet's surface began to make me some tea because it was just getting the tea bag. Dizziness enveloped the tea-drinkers who were almost as naked as we were except for a few ugly proud prudes tsking at our absolute perfection. "Burn with witches!", said a particularly ugly prude, "And God Bless Global Positioning Systems and Fox News with their hackery." One bikini-clad prude said "Im in a bikini" shouted the outraged prude.
The prude was rude not honoring streakers day, but we must ask "Is she beautiful?" Advice from the bard? Shocked, he had none. So then Suddenly, angry clouds roiled with agitation as the sky darkened ominously above with even more snow predicted for tomorrow also. This madness must stop! He shouted to heaven. But no one listened. Without warning, it came from under the couch in a creeping slithering attractive sort of way.

"AAIIIEEEEEE", he screamed as the formless shape rose seeking a lost girdle to contain the nameless thingy from the whatsit. But suddenly a large pea, shrank away screaming "I like cheese!" but where did I put that shotgun now that the wedding is over I got left at the corner of first and heartbreak avenue. Then I cried all night and shot him in the buttocks. I cracked open a celebratory can of creamed corn and french fried whoop arse good. Then the canary droppings were mixed in a tall cool glass of egg yolks and what was left of the tainted spam balls the cat threw up. So the dog ate my corn and whooped arse. Then two tiny hooters flew out of a freshly cut emo wound and warbled gently as a nightingale on LSD. "Tis I" sang the trench coated figure in a ruffled pink tutu who began writing his grocery list on his Shakespearean German Haiku notebook in the blood of OTTERS! OTTERS! OTTERS! OTTERS! which had been found inside many different otters (slow down! Too Fast) .

Giant flying pancakes hovered above and below the gently hopping fluffy bunnies, the alien craft surveiled and also did other electronic eyes of the All day strong Aleve by the shelf near the Aspirin and zanoff the great, who was is... and always will be. Now I look bad... Yes. Very, very bad. Bad psychiatrist! No biscuit! And stop wearing Grandma!
She needs ironing and carbonating, not to mention the furry green things... stuck in her nose that look rather like a long, straight mustache. Looking in the mirror, and licking the brush she began the process of turning into a Gregor Samsa-like story about how small hairless children metamorphosizedly became giant SHUMS. If given the opportunity phenomenal exacerbation of childishness to use 50¢ words, dime novels, and destitute restitutes while eating grapefruit and listening to "Honey."

"Honey", of course, wasn't paying any attention to to the rapidly falling barometer. Snow was imminent, masking Neil hiding a big, red, poisonous apple -- an unusual Valentine's Day gift, but if the shoe fits, then wear the little black dress thought Neil sensously slipping on the banana peel of romantic liaisons. Startled and rather dizzy he stood up, adjusted his mortgage rate as well as his LBD. Honey dripped seductively from his moist, seductive lips which begged to be given their due attention. THOUAQUE! Neil never even heard the footsteps behind him of the homocidal otters. The otter's style was not Jean-Paul Gaultier, much more like a young Janet Jackson...not michael. So a wardrobe malfunction revealed, briefly, the left side of the persons hiding in otters' underwear.

Neil whirled around surprised to confront the sneaky touch of the stink of the Skunk People. These people were genetic modifications of all that which was formerly wind-up , clockwork and annoying. KERTWANG!!! and there went another elastic band on the utters, of two to eleventy, only number seven remained to power the motive device attached to 4 of the octopuss' left purple tentacles, which color clashed horribly with the chartreuse head gear he wore.

CHAPTER TWO
suddenly screamed the octopus No, really! New chapter! What's that in the box, under the table? Could it be snow Oh not more snow , said Chicken Little who was not little or really a chicken, but rather a canard in disguise, since he was <<Thouaque!>> flying through the ether wearing a small magic plaid cape. It had 1 less jet propulsion pack than a jello snack pack . It's less tasty too. Invisible forces approached from the west, battle ready. the glow appeared in the end of the small intestine. BANG! it went, sending showers of mentionables, unmentionables, substances and money, gold, and hats. Silently, slitheringly, swelteringly the little brown thing creeped toward the open window .

"I'm free, I'm free!!!" It shouted, falling to the cold snowy curb . The poor little guy badly needed someone to give it a hug. Instead fate had a better plan for little helpless victim of society's lack of a better reason to damage the smelly hairy upper lip of the truck driver who didnt wash properly. Soap's a good thing But only when it is used for good and not for evil. For one must be in a lather to become cleansed in spirit who cares which one...... philosophized the slightly drunk otter, panda, squirrel and half naked big bird as they leaned on that thing over there.

Another sunny day so glorious, warm and inviting without the hint of that awful awful snow until the blizzard hit and buried all doggies until rapid melting occurred revealing the yellow snow from leftover butter cookies baked by mutant squirrels and an ugly pony. Could this be the start of a new moon on monday. And an old moon on Sunday, even if six laughing hyenas came and ate all the cookies leaving the doggie none. But as the bacon fell onto the dirty hands of an angry ghod, all the sinners hung in the lounge by their big toes. Because that's how he made them do penance or how he rolls, with his lounge homies Sisyphus gave up Craps. Puzzled he stopped and consulted various wikipedia entries. The first entry was about Nate the Great. Marjorie Sharmat once said that her biggest influence was an alcoholic named Prometheus who was fond of straight whiskey.

Nate, Marjorie, Sisyphus, and Sir Elton John went and then came back and then went again before finally returning to The Finish Line, a banjo was playing the Netherland's National Anthem in a smooth rhapsody with some hints of Ska and a dash of Rudolf's wee fell on deaf ears. But then, who hasn't experienced that? But finally the lovely girl from Orange County (the county was orange) (not the girl) sidled up to her pony -tail and re-combed out the boogers and gunk that rained down from from happy_terd's new haircut .He wanted a MULLET brandished scissors in his gnarled but graceful claws (long sentence this is) and snipped the sentence. The author then paused to smell the roses. Several deep breaths later he was ready to do a little dance make a little love get down tonight, get down tonight, baby. That's quite enough of that! Cause I'm a Dancing Llama. When that ended, the author reread what had devolved from his superannuated id. "Oh dear," did I write that? At least, out loud?

I think I oughta think about the purple people eater that I had let in the club house. I wonder "What about blue people?" "Lets cheer them up."Because happy people become so rare around here. I'm leaving for venus in search of love. Left here all alone on Pluto's backside, we no longer had planetary status and were now mere 'toids. Woe is a heaviness that weighs heavily upon those dispossed of their posses (huh??). But somewhere out there was an igloo with a pretty large fireplace. A small family of sweating penguins had begun to hunt the walruses who had eaten their box of glazed doughnuts. "Oh, no!", cried one of the surviving donuts "But where's my hole?" the doughnut responded agrily. Who knew penguins sweat? pondered one of the pundits on the shore "kiss my penguin butt!"snarled a surly bear who was contemplating historical anachronisms and the invention of memory in the bright red toaster by the last rock lobster. Blue was her name and pink her mood but mystery her game. She liked Thai food but could not eat because of no mouth and no fork either.

There once was a doggie who lost his life chasing parked cars. A very short life. Never learned to dance. Or engaged in romance. Poor little neutered doggie. But everyone loved him. Except Nigel, who hated the sight of the furry hot dog and his not so furry companion Frobisher, the hairless cat. Frobisher had been traumatised after the hair-restorer incident ,her mother wasnt related to lollipop sucking kojak . Frobisher looked horribly depressed. His nipple fell off. And then the dog happily licked Frobisher's face. It's breath smelled of the bitter dregs of coke filled mud cup. I had a dream of a world where no cat was hairless or weighed less than than a blue smurf on steroids. But then nothing weighs more than a dead bloated smurf. Meanwhile the hairless cat was dreaming of hairless kittens. In the background a sunbeam's gentle touch caressed the hairless rats and warmed them until their blood gently sizzled. Eyes went red and...glowed radioactively in the nick of time, because time, now, was chronologically unhinged and seeking revenge in the form of antiquarian fishing rods at Long John Silvers Restaurant.

Transformational thinking led to a swift climb in donut consumption statistics in spite of rising inflationary cost of delicious chocolate. Somewhere, somehow the devil believes in chocolate doughnuts as a domination tool. On the other hand, cream doughnuts can be used as a flotation device, but only if properly inflated to max pressure but be careful not to leave children unattended near doughnuts, lest some angry old guy beckons to them with a rusty spoon filled ovaltine with a touch of flaked lead paint tasting deliciously like lemon squeezed on paper cuts and force fed into the wee tyke's little maw.

Meanwhile out at the neighborhood's only popular coffee house there stood a rather oval shaped little man named Swen. Now Swen loved donuts dipped liberally in cream and sprinkled with chocolate . But he loved women lightly sprinkled with pepper and lots of butter.Fortunately, he lived near many large unfriendly sorts of hairy dirty old mean tired angry evil electrons that seized power from the majority minority who couldn't reach the top of the farking fork drawer. Now the neutered neutrons gathered for one last time, but ionization had occurred and the neutrons were too charged to really act like they should act. Thankfully the mercury rose higher than the column (Nelson's), which meant that it was very high and breaking local bylaws. 'Good morning, Canada' said Robin Williams, shooting his left foot off, using a laser, borrowed from area 51, which is where the egg-shaped spacecraft messed up a perfectly top-secret operation, involving the CIA, McDonalds and one Senator of Mobilita Republica. (We have senators here??)

The resulting investigation revealed rampant corruption and blatant misuse of french fries in that order. Area 51 became covered with blancmange, trifle, jelly and that in no way the cold affects different people's behinds differently. Now who says they're fat! I wouldn't dream of coconut shies at dawn. But a fatty likes long unbranched aliphatic tails and triple whoppers. It emphasised the eventual outcomes of global warming debates that overheated and dried all but the polar bear's large and furry buttocks. It was a mighty fine handle he could use well to drag the oxen from the velvet living room, away from the xbox, which was in danger of being sat on. Suddenly the large blue one next to the snarky little fish in the bottom of the repetitive trope about fish and fruitless wild negatation. started talking gibberish throughout the broken, dismembered storyline of yesteryear.

These days logic is worthless and highly overrated by members of the otter family who nevertheless insist on getting paid in salmon colored fishnet tights. Strangely enough people wanted to get a pair for an elderly couple's retreat. That was however not acceptable since they all exhibited extremely large, but otherwise shapely and well formed
heels, calves, thighs and slightly dented tushies. But fashionados no longer give a damn about ruffles,truffles, ladders, snakes nor the green piece of silk normally found on hither too blue flanks. On several different loin clothes the faint pattern of rare def leopard skin had been brutally torn from the thong side of the tracks. But enough of this frivolity said the stern sad with grief that his thong had been torn. But a slender thread remained, allowing it to decently cover the remaining soiled left butt cheek.

Moving on to cleaner rye fields with catchers in the outfield playing while talking about the odd head wear of posters and the craziness of life as we know it on the third rock from an alien sun. The pitcher wound up his tentacles and beaned the batter!!! The the crowd roared its appreciation of nuclear baseball even though it was hard to see the reason why all of the players were running naked through the bright glow of nuclear destruction.On a lighter note, the Dow Jones Industrial strength underwear was wearing thinner than an eyelash on the face of an adversarial adversary. BANG went the pop tart. POP went the small kitten stuck in a micro-wave oven inadvertently set for stun and awe and made fluffy a little extra crispy. Down the road and up the tree called the little chocolate squirrel, a stranger named tree,lost in the confusion and left for dead.but not really, because all that ever was, is now, and ever will be, forever and ever, ramen!

CHAPTER THREE

It was a dark but not at all stormy day at the chapter two summary party. Sparky showed up and decided to drink all the ink he found in the squid. This resulted in E-ink's invention.Burp, hiccuped Sparky inkily.then he dropped dead.The End. Alla Fine. of chapter 3.

Chapter FOUR
Strange things were happening when shortening chapters led to the concentration of better screen writers.Meanwhile, the worse screenwriters worked on a movie that was going to feature a talking skunk. Presently, all was forgotten as the world span began to shrink (pshrynk?). Call for help now! Help! Help! Help! Help! Called the helpless screenwriter Was there anyone there? The poor screenwriter died. Another chapter ends shortly? Soon. But not yet. On the other network TBC The Bacon Channel, a squirrel and otter died and never returned. Back in the Netherworld in the regions between the otters and squirrels' neighbours on farmville. He could find no trace of any vegetables or any evidence that vegetables or even vegetable-like things buried under the ice were responsible for the hideous menu items at The Restaurant at the End of the Planiverse. At the Other End of the Spiral Arm there was this quaint and thatched example of an English pub there . With small cheese wheels rolling gently down the backsides of some of the otters that lounged in the verdant meadows. This remarkable joint was jumping with the tunes produced by the fledgling fowl with the brass gauntlets of hotty potty.

In another corner several millimeters away, there were millions of tiny shiny spiny doo-dads with buckets over their tiny shiny spiny doo-dads which also served as spouts for the streams of warm <I'm not going there> wise choice little doggie who suddenly saw SQUIRRELS!!!and otters and bears! Swirling eddies in the bacon wrapped corners of
the layered vortices of chocolate galaxies were carrying complicated sentence structures to an entirely, yet competently, realized level of nonsense.

Chocolate coated snowflakes evoked a brief sad life.The otter shook its syrupy head and left leg in the air. Obviously this was a secret signal to the the other angry otters in the large pool filled with cricket bat swinging mosquitoes. Finally there were some other animals involved that had better remain in significant for further development could follow certain inquisitions conducted by violin playing bats in the belfrey of Our Lady's Chapel. If that wasn't enough, nothing would be enough! But in the meantime,copyright violation is theft! Have you tried cannibalism?asked the reverent beaver via non sequitur outburst. And how about materialism? Cannibalism always gives me a feeling of duplication.White glowing stars danced in circle around Jo, what we talking about???buzzed the mosquitoes wonderingly . The firmament darkened as the bats started hoovering up the four-word-story plot!

A short time later it was found that nothing is as it was last time you decided to fast forward through the inevitability of of what happened before. Despite the pre-occurrence the otters still found time to do what otters do when cross-posts occur . We start over, right? Or over Left, whichever .... is the path of that blue fish over the wide blue yonder that we found while turning the pages of the secret diary of , aged thirteen and burning with embarrassment because of that long-ago post that revealed the true nature of the chicken-hearted [oops] but incredibly good looking mother named heather. She used to have five FIVE, (she said) where? Only four personalities remain.The fifth happily partied while wearing nothing but a full bodied wetsuit.The remaining personalities played a Schubert quartet on the portable xilophones that sounded like wind chimes being struck with doughnuts that had been shot from cannons made of parts used in hotdogs. Jumping onto the subway Sandwich microwave oven demanding to be lightly toasted, but only on one and basted with butter. Chaos floods records in The Top Ten issued a call for the practice to be banned in every location where people enjoy doing it. But a small rebellion overthrew the current government and nobody noticed. So they overthrew the next.But the prime minstrel sang a song of the blue one that was next to the phish band member. Suddenly, a slow, gradual change abruptly erupted into fiery, marshmallow toasting, friendly dragons.

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The dragon offered to roast the minstrel alongside the blue one. Green was the color of the blue one's thumb. Despite the fact that moose bites are painful, Bullwinkle bit Rocky hard. But squirrels are quick at hiding their nuts, yet can't always remember where they hid them.But they never forget the moose that bites.Now for something totally, well, at least partially,on track yet off-the-wall ...but entirely relevant to nothing at all whatsoever,but seemingly interesting to nobody and everybody together.What a crowd of absolutely insanely jealously guarded raving maniacal squirrely types of squirrels, otters and giant inflatable Olympic beavers wondering where all the nuts are for their stainless steel shiny new nut-powered dreadnaught spaceship. Meanwhile, across the Universe a blinding blue light faded into the darkness inside the blackened soul of a donut-deprived panda under pshyrnk's couch. But Where is Taylor hiding? he wailed to the thing, you know that ..... ...thing, thingummy, whatsitsname, oh that blue one that's always next to the you know... that fishy fishy, squidy, wibbli-wobbly thing found only on a blancmange coloured pink! Now for those of you who have no idea how long a metric light year is in Betelgeuse imperial standard zyglots, neither do I, mostly. But the true measure of an android's worth cannot be measured in by cranial volume alone since depression can lower you bank account balance and that messes up the NEW WORLD ORDER.And the statistics. However,on the flip side, is an image ofa dashing adventurer in bright pink overalls and dashing adventurously into the blue tinted void of belly button lint exploration.

Aluminium liquid nails extradited a set of copper cuticles whilst manganese geese laid scrambled golden eggs in the blue basket next to the goldfish. After which, it was only sunset singing time with the luminous nightingales in their glorious shades of rich rubies and emeralds . No one had expected spring to arrive late to the conclusion that winter was only a cross-dressing teenager with blue ones next to the Farking Spring. Mostly, though, the snow melted and the graveyard was revealed. Tombstones covered with blue fishy scales that looked like little tiny ones, but were really pink flamingos in drag. What glorious times were had by zombies when they danced in the pale white frocks created by hairy orangutans with permed underarm hair. This was last shot townsville flight had to eliminate zombies.Meanwhile ghouls forked on large plates of cooked doughnuts with cherry glazing smothered with lots of chocolate sauce, with chocolate ice cream, topped with more doughnuts with jam and a pickled onion on top of a bacon shaped chocolate with more bacon, bacon, and bacon!

Nosferatu was feeling slightly queasy after a night drinking chocolate and blood from a dirty donor who had previously eaten a rock and a
hard lump of bacon. Notradamous didn't see that coming. In fact, otters prophesying World Domination were more accurate than squirrels and nailed the correct walls, ceilings, cellars and doors onto the newly painted and still wet gate into the Universe. Fortunately, for the unfortunate fortunate few who, fortunately were unaware of how unfortunate their fortunes had become misfortunes in the unfortunate mix-up that followed in the midst of all this confusion, they stopped what they were doing and took stock of all the misfortune caused by the thoughtless but definitely cute zombie in the blue tutu. Interesting as this was, the wizard began to wonder whether or not the weather would not knot the weathered wood. Whether it would or not knot was not the question at hand.

Otter turned Nosferatu hooved into view, as all chocolate munching magicians celebrated chocolatemass eve, the greatest event chocolate world calendars recorded. Unlike chocolatemass, Crackerween was widely observed by cheese makers. The best Hob-Nob makers united in secret subterranian biscuitarium and delved into things best eaten with a vintage car drive by the [pause moment ..... HUH! ] long and winding Styx for nine laps, then along the back roads to the stargate that mysteriously metamorphosed into being a large saffron collider leaving crocus in dire straits, even though they knew that the boat was sinking very quickly. beer can hat holsters are very nifty devices for those that thoughtlessly buy more cats than dogs. Bacon took up a defensive posture on the outdoor gas grill. On the indoor gas giant barbecue they grilled Hot Cayenne Peppers For breakfast, and for lunch they roasted innocent green squirrels on a cracker. Which rather burnt the shredded coconut layered ontotheir toasty forepaws. "No!" cried the horrified steamstress and promptly fainted into The dark man's arms. They looked silly as neither quite knew what to do when the weft and warp started to unravel in front of Buckingham Palace. Interestingly enough, the Palace guards were looking straight ahead and had started to blink...yes...they blinked!!! Believe it or not.

The tourists were frantic! Blinking! Who could credit this unbelievable breach of dignified Royal Military decorum? Cameras and cell-phones were confiscated, destroyed, reassembled, and consumed by robotic otters Otters! in the Capital! Call out the Guard !Come out, come out where ever you aren't where ever you are. NEVER MIND! ppfft, scriptwriters! here, there has been a misunderstanding. Ottawa Otters!

Chapter V
The march of the variegated Four-legged Beasts of the apocalypse rendered all coherent thinking absolutely impossible in the immediate vicinity of those Ottawa Otters. But skies darkened and and the clouds opened savings accounts in Miami that were used to being emptied by random assemblages of llamas doing naked tom-tom dances on vast fields of golden gold. Silver, by contrast has no contrast with brightness controls on the Mercury dashboard of the lead and copper coated borax pearl flying through opal lined universe in the fridge. The cupboard was far from bare bottomed can openers which didn't work, to gold encrusted shelving units that tended to lean to the northward side of whatever lies south of Timbuktu obviously can't be seen without using a digitally enhanced anotechnologically polished cardboard tube taken from the back alley lavatory. Spinningly the blue ball spinned ever faster and conveniently even faster still after the chocolate was given three times an hour an ungracious heave-ho and the plot was thickened with corn starch! This helped to advance the troops to the conclusion that they were in it up to their furry little ears. So quaint was the chicken that everyone wanted to (censored. editor) . Now, back to the quaint chicken, who was chickening about the yard in a chickeny sort of chicken type way. This obsession with chickens was a matter of great importance in the barnyard. The other animals of the neighborhood were getting chicken feed between their toes. A duck!, shouted a nearly blind squirrel, looking at the sky while compulsively fiddling with his brand new digital camcorder that his wife had<< Thwack! (They never listen.) >> noticed before. No wonder she used the pan-oramic mode for chicken button to fry bacon.

Buttons to Fry Bacon? Meanwhile, at a nearby gas station at the chicken-dung-methane development yard the methane production team was pegging pegs to their fingers to remember not to sneeze in any direction except North of the North of North or to light matches. Wow! said the squirrel that quickly devolved into a slightly syrupy cup of outmoded expressions of expressive modes. In deeds and out deeds were fused to form a blue sheep next to the blue whatsit inJoey's perverted little mind. Joey's new blue sheep needed its ba ba back again before it Victoria's Secret Lift Holsters Receiving her guns, she blasted away the bloody tart that stole her cat and ate the doughnuts and chocolate without consulting the friendly care atm veterinarian. And that reminds her that her puppy did the whoopsie all nekked in the moonlight (one wonders the plot!).

But never mind that! A shining object hovered at the edge of the forest. It sounded plasticy, hoarse, worn-out and [is plasticy a word??] [It is now ] [seems odd doesn't it?] [I'm wondering how you're supposed to pronounce it ] [You know, I was wondering the same thing. A very curious thing, plasticy.]a bit puzzled by [All right, let's get back to the story - wait, is there one?] all the nonsense about [Okay. Hey, isn't it great that Zelda's back!] new words and all [Isn't it though ] the letters they require [Fabulous. I hope she takes it easy for awhile and hangs out some, too. It's just not the same when your friends are missing.] to pronounce them at [yippe - Zelda's back!] the flipping story plot [what's with all the footnotes?] [more than four words in a footnote] which was a bit odd seeing as there[can I join in the footnotes malarkey?]the boiled eggs turned [Zelda is back which is great. Shame about Yvan's leg though] was nothing to see. [all are welcome to malarkey at will in the footnotes!] Suddenly, something strange appeared

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in my rearview mirror.
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An ominous silence settled
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As we closed our minds to the hideous bright pink taffeta dress [Thanks for the illustrations VR ] and refocused on the matter of the footnotes because the small printwas puzzling to the myopic eyes of the blue squirrel trying to decipher the insane ramblings of those posting on

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Arggg!Arggg! Arggg! Arggg!

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Where's the spinach gone!? screamed the otters in Japanese, waving their long

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whiskers and sniffing at

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sniff, sniff, sniff...........Confound

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the map, the treasure and the dirty socks.Arriving at the island

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was kinda scary because the dolphins were not

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mammals but Borg invaders

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, shapeshifting and soul absorbing{that last pic cracked me up doggie }

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[Oh, no!]

The shore was scattered
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with remnants of our

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shattered lives, overlaid with meandering, coconut laden swallows.

[Illustrate this one VR!!]

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[not exactly what I had pictured in MY mind] [don't think I ever want to have this picture in my mind] [my brain hurts now] Suddenly the coconuts went

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flying into the sunset

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lovely set of coconuts

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Suddenly unicorns appeared on

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the shore and started yelling, "Hooray for pugs!"

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Llamas lingered lazily left while yaks gaily danced

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[close enufffff] around a bonfire of broken dreams and wasted

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paper books that no-one bothered to pick up. The llamas and yaks couldn't read but they found the books delicious.Especially when dipped in a vat of fine

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[ooops. maybe I'm getting a bit ahead] [:drools:] barrel aged single malt

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chocolate brewed by elves

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in a chocolate tree. Who were completely unrelated to bacon trees, or

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even Cheddar trees. And fields of Easy Cheese were sowed in France

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'Free Fromage for all' was the election's motto

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Getting bored with us? Of course not!, replied

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the llamas, who had Nazi Zombies running after thread stealing, picture posting
small grey dog, who

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frightened KindleKitten with a

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larger kitten than her

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Strider boy. But she was getting confused by

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the GPS directions, wandering

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in a myriad of

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cloverleaf intersections. "Left turn

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[Happy St. Patrick's Day!] , you dummy!" screamed the men in white coats

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as she careened into

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the corridors of theWing, winging a

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prayer out of the guy with her handgun set on stun. But

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"There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat: there is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to... The Outer Limits. "

Please stand by folks.

Once upon a time there was a long sentence that never ended Not now. Not never. It could never end.But it just did! And that is all. Or, at least, most. Actually, not even close. Close to what doggie? What doggie?, he asked.Why do you do what you do when when you do it as you do it? Frankly Speaking, he replied (thinking of Rhett Butler)I hade no idea.i should do something wildly erratic in a squirrely mode of locomotion such as digging up the dirt on a poor unsuspecting celebrity, who specializes in dirt-generation and We are the Pandorg. [Excuse the rude interruption.]You will be acutelated. You will be redundant! Ignore those chick-n-borg poseurs! sues the newspapers when [Just ignore it folks, stay with the story! Wait... what?] no dirt is found.[Try to ignore the ChickenBorg eh?] But then it became obvious that jealous pandas rampage through the china-shops. Otters scattered from the scatterings of scattered grasses that lay scattered on sacred ground intermingled with Bits and pieces of the last meal eaten amongst the bamboo shoots of a sullen, bedraggled chicken rancher who lost his flock after a fight with chick'n'borg army!

Oh well he said The Pandorg obviously won, but lost the last of our respect when they prooved to be utterly faithless and unworthy. but still incredibly cute

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until they stripped off nail polish from the fingernails embedded in its head. As the nail polish was pumpkin orange sprinkled through with sour apple dots and cans of tomato
were cleverly being juggled

"DONT TOUCH MY TOMATOS!!!" said the inhabitant loudly

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as he fondled onions. At the tomato house the cherry tomatoes complained about not getting the inheritance of Penny Pepper. Meanwhile the squirrels were giving each other massages. The aardvark joined in the rush to get a 100% genuine leather pair of arseless chaps for the party that never happened. It had been cancelled due to chickens flirting with the otters who also lacked any sense of decorum. Raging pandas roared into being, then promptly roared as they started running away from the oncoming roaring chickens carrying lots and lots of dead otters armed to the teeth with absolutely enormous rocket launched blue fish. The fish were purchased, filleted, sauteed, and devoured. Eating them gave me cause to question the cooking time, I suddenly ran to the toilet and quickly sat down and all hell broke in the form of a bucket of water . "Wonder Twins, activate!" said Shape of a twisted er um wonder twin. Wonder Bread not being in a wonder-woman outfit used the Easy Cheese to ease the transformation into the super powered panda which powered off into a tasty freeze Sunday. But it was Saturday Friday was his horse. Whilst monday was saddled Miss Tuesday who was a movie star and Wedneday, a child who said, "where is the hoomanity in hoomanity, eh?"in a woeful way. It was a dark and stormy night. Upon which her body laid peacefully in the field. But out in the

AIIIIEEEEEE YAI YAI YAI!!

interrupted the ninja assassin dressed only in chaps but thankfully had covered part of his buttocks.Is there a full deck of cards available to use in our tower constructing adventure that would house homeless squirrels. ," asked the gnome with the large bluish ears that swivelled whenever he he smelled something strange . "I GOTTA BE ME!!!"Think it was you! said the guy who wanted to be happy but couldnt fall in a big pile of... love. The girl he thought he wanted was a nun he met of the blow-up your own balloon kind and who therefore couldn't manage large portion of spam smoothies blended into chunky salmon milkshakes with chocolate sprinkles and mango lip gloss. She was life size wife size with lots of junk and a little gunk stashed in the trunk belonging to the monk who liked to dunk with the donut chunk! A very loud "thunk!" and a loss of consciousness, hearing, vision, and her butt crack. Sadly it was the end. ...OR WAS IT....hmmm. .....It IS I say.But wait, a new day has come upon this lonely tale of snivelling plots and wanton frivolity on a Sunday morning before the sun is hidden by a dark patch of chocolate.melted into the sheets . A loud siren screamed

AIIIIEEEEEE YAI YAI YAI!!

The amp tubes exploded! Everyone wondered what this

AIIIIEEEEEE YAI YAI YAI

strange signal from outerspace meant. It could be a big fat hairy hat fairy with a scary lairy nonsenical whiff and nose the shape of a grape. The grape couldn't count the number of crazy times she had wined and dined at the airport HOJO with several passionfruit, oranges and tomatoes BUT then Mr. Potatohead arrived and started dancing

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and taking off his silly hat in deference and sticking his nose inside the hat, offering no reason to believe the passionfruit wasn't the mother of his spuds. Carrot, on the other hand was nowhere to to be seen. Cabbage scents wafted lazily through the tired old moments and cascaded amongst the memories fondly rehashed by the skanky HOJO waitress. Where, oh where is my little dead dog warbled the silly little young guy from nantucket who once had a nose like a bucket he read good books and got strange looks and then said puck-it. Funny thing about that squirrel outside the door. It was packing a six pack of cold American light beer and some salted cashews. DONT TOUCH MY NUTS!!! shrieked the raging rodent gripping his pistol tightly. Too tightly. BANG! went his little pinky toe.

Ow!!!!!! Blood ran everywhere! And the little toe was nowhere to be found. the other four wiggled and wriggled, and begged for free medical and an ambulance ride but ended up alone and dying on the toilet lid of life. Thus ends the Saga. of one particular toe. Finally, Kaput, Zonk ..... Dang! The next little piggy was Rick Rolled. Enthralled, Rick Astley sued the Society for Otter Protection for loss of consortium. Concerned, the otters took a little bit of heat for evidence spoliation. Every once in a blue one next to a fuzzy otter in a bath full of friendly but hungry fish, which nibbled the toes, fingers, elbows and ears and tickled the woes and dispelled the fears of the salmon who sank to the bottom. Meanwhile, back at the sand bar where I ordered a very dry towel to be brought along with my martini, by an impeccably dressed guy in a hooters shirt worn on his upper torso had flirted wildly with the fish [Hey, can you guys finish a sentence?] [Huh?] [Read back that last sentence and weep ] [ makes sense to me ] [but then my avatar is powered by a Tushi-Pop] who complained a lot. The fish did complain. It made quite a lot of loud noise.

Back at the ranch, short choppy sentences are starting to pile up in front of the gates , Bill Gates, shaken not stirred by all the

AIIIIEEEEEE YAI YAI YAI!!

"Holy crap," said the giant rabid maniacal squirrel. {HELP!!! SQUIRRELS HAVE ME!!!} Barry Manilow had arrived! The story was all over the shop, but located mainly in hardware {NO, REALLY!!! HELP!!! HEEELLLLP!!!} [Can't help free vr] as were the squirrel {WHAT?!?!?! DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!} [call in the chickenBorg] commandoes, who were angry at being left in the sink to dry dishes when they should be outside enjoying a big fat load of BS handed to them .Forensic carrotts meanwhile dish dish out broken versions of old health reform. Some were careful not to mention anything that could make any sense in the current context.

Every day is like a box of chocolates. And at night, the stars come out to misbehave in the back seat of the SUV. A little scallop named Trixie began to tell a tale of exotic adventures in the parking lot of an airport HOJOS. The stories were enthalling and caused the chickens to ruffle their feathers and shake their hind legs (they had six) (lived under power lines) and dance the night. The chickens were very agitated when they heard that Santa wasn't real. But the tooth fairy was watching from hell and decided she must scratch chalkboards with teeth. She dressed up like the Sandman and went hunting for sleeping victims, sprinkling sand in their poor little eyes, and licking their toes, and taking all their money to buy liquor and lots of dark chocolate. Meanwhile, in South Jersey, out of the mud, came a rumbling sound then the earth started to open up slowly and a giant fist with six dirty fingers wiggled and waggled and waggled and wiggled and fell about limp and withered away. Another hand broke through the sod (sounds like a Valentino poem) cleaner this time with lots of gold rings and shiny glass things it must be god or something close to a siamese turnip with radical radishes attached to funky pink pumpkins with cabbage ears and lettuce lilypads in the pond , or so I thought.

The large shadowy image conveyed the secrecy of the masons who lived by the misty lake in stony little caverns across the big pond. They often pondered about the meaning of life outside the pond, where strange stories were told. Of a less soggy piece of french toast. Floating in the mist like a butter square in a tibetan tea exists a timid little furry beast with bright flaming talons on the back of its head. His name was George. George of the jungle. Now George was an honourable man; So are the miserable pigmies that ate him for lunch. Rubber baby buggy bumpers could chuck would chuck up all over the interior of the new bright orange sparkly blue motorised buggy with the light brown hair with a large bald patch.

Old Macdonald had a pharmacy with lots of addicts and crack heads and very nice nuns. One of the nuns was in need of that page 1 man, who was available in pink but not in the original color deciding to end this now. "Hello," he said as comets flew by the girl he had met by chance at the beginning of the story. The brave lumberjack hefted the nun overhead, brilliantly twirling her over the objections of the crowd. Nuns everywhere wildly flew to their nests for a chance to sit and hatch out their armor-plated eggs and chickens come to roost so that they can learn how to spread their tail feather to try to fly towards the deadly sun. For the dark side of their personalities were about to be shown to everyone watching the movie. "DOWN IN FRONT" cried an angry panda, while glaring at the chickens everyone knows that nuns want for dinner, yet they wont tell us how to cook them.

The Queen Nun [do they have queens???] demanded . "Nothing, Mother Superior," replied the girl, whose name escapes me right now, thought "broiled...yum!" "I'd like fried chicken." Or chicken fried steak with a side of tater salad she replied mashed potatoes, and green apple butter. She never had it so good in the convent with all her favourite little dairy products. She milked the goats and gathered the armed cows for Cowmageddon, The War Between ,,, Cows and Bikers turned nasty on religious holidays when bikers barbequed beef and cows didn't moo. and cows got horny after watching Animal Planet. Something somewhere involving someone who didn't watch any day time soap operas except All My Children which had some nice slippers that were worn on the wrong feet of the marching centipedes that began tripping and saw beautifully colored lights up on top of Old Smokey, all covered on the evening news. But Fox news was on loan to the Cartoon Network for an indefinite time to lighten the otherwise threateningly dark event horizon of the upcoming whites sale at the local yogurt stand. As no yoghurt was frozen or even cold , we ate it warm with a nice Chianti and some fava beans! Quietly we spoke together of brighter times past. Quickly we came to realize that the best was flying to Cuba. It was Health care that caused them to seek cheaper band aids and rubbing alcohol.
The rubbing alcohol tasted unlike vodka and caused blindness so I'm told.

Although banana benders still exist in the cold only because of the need to drink alcoholic banana smoothies served by otters, penguins, and squirrels dressed in lime tuxedos with cute little hats . Unfortunately, only lemmings serve bananas with their smoothies because it's not cool to go without alcohol unless you have chocolate. Dark chocolate of course. White chocolate isn't really something which one would even consider eating or actually putting in your mouth, even with copious brown nut berries found in expensive tasty muesli with an okra garnish laced with turmeric and gently crushed cardamom and
pistachio nuts. These added extra crunchy texture and a pale green hue unmatched by the ghostly hue heard a hoo. Horton Park golf course is a child's course filled bindiis, cat's heads and little birds dressed in sparkly yellow boas with bright green bows in their beaks, which they put there to help the cute cuddly kitties who had died suddenly when a fat nasty piece of falling dung tumbled out of a big bird's butt. Poor little cute kitties...sob! The big mother kitty procured a monkey’s paw and used that to bring back her kittens.

[Err... no, wait, that doesn't work]

The monkey paw was used to create a minor scandal in the pet cemetery. It seems that a wrongful death of the ugly kittens turned the normally quiet cemetery into a rock concert venue that featured Happy Terd on a customized Roland bagpipe synthesizer. On the theremin was too many things to mention, but the haunting a happy and armless torso of a man doesnt' make any sense Because he said things while cranking a hurdy-gurdy with his bruised and tattered soul. If he had a nickel for penny he ever had put in the slot of an old bum's fanny pack, and then asked for it back he wouldn't want it at that time of
day with that kind despicable music playing in the stinky jukebox that never made top ten no matter how hard he paid the piper to stop playing pipes but peter piper picked a pecker to pieces.

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Did someone say, "Pecker?"

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aha! ha! haaa! ha! Not too long after what eventually became known as the unimportant missed the game winning shot. No one even really cared if the small fuzzy, blue, bunny slipper , which was sitting next WORK!!! WORK!!! WORK!!! WORK!!! to it came untied. As long as no got hurt in the riot that followed the Easter parade route along the trail once meant for the oranges and common moon pie eating penguins. Who, oddly enough, never ate anything else. Penguins are known to become distracted when they are looking for a cheeseburger or maybe a way to end airport

WORK!!! U MUST WORK!!!
YOU MUST STOP SHOUTING!!!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH

The skwirrls were annoying and should be dipped head first in a bucket of scorching bacon. The mice started gnawing on the brakelines, hoping
to accelerate the wild car ride Mayor Frog prescribed in cases of extreme hilarity and levels of sheer insane driving. At least the driver wasn't Mr Toad as depicted in the tabloids. The driver was furrier and more handsomer than a rabid squirrel. But he had a serious itch to scratch with bacon scented fingers that just wouldn't do what a paid professional would do if she had half a mind to think about all the pain and suffering a a furry animal would have if put in the cold hard ground and also a blender. with some basil and sugar cubes dressed neatly with pink bows and lines up against the wall, their noses facing the outer edges of the stew pot. Alas poor Elvis, I knew him Horatio, but soft, and yet so firm,like my bum or like my bum or you have Zacharay's disease , he'd like it back. Back to the time when this made sense, before all the otters stampeded through the halls eating crab and urchin and leaving the legs for the squirrels to gnaw thoroughly later on.

Dancing lights appeared on my left big toe. It was bringing out Pugsley's octopus, but Wednesday set it on fire before Lurch's taco shashimi was done. Then Fang escaped, wrecking havoc in the little town of Hooterville, where all the young hooter girls sat hooting and hollering at that sexy sexy sexy Mr. Drucker, better known to the media as the itty bitty widdle choo choo that could. I think I can, he said again and then he did not because he was dead. Once upon a time he was dead...again. Then he realized "I'm I'm really a turd, floating in the sea a strange yellow sea with many unusual smaller bits of stinky flotsam dripping outside its bowl. As the bowl also contained a virtual world. with lots of squiggly forum members passing time and very strange other immigrants into the lounge sipping Pinas sitting on hairy lounge chairs, the kind you used to see at the old ball and chain conventions. It was a different

SQWIRRLLLZZZ!!! THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!!!


One was even in my bright yellow underwear! It was a tacky thong 'twas seen here previously and burnt my eyes! Little bunny Foo Foo hopped into a dark and quiet corner of the alley next to the backside of Target and was unwittingly targeted on the left buttock by a deranged mouse. The gopher, however, had other ideas and tried the pea soup, which burned his poor little nose, causing him to lose an eyeball. Somehow he swallowed his eyeball and his own left paw, leaving him unable to play the piano. He could however play doctor with the neighbor and their pet cat. Unfortunately, gopher medicine is illegal in four countries. Meanwhile, down the block the kids from the cold country were having a hard time getting an ereader for the long road trip they to Miami Beach for the easter long weekend. Somewhere along the way this story got lost. We started searching for a love that was forbidden but freely practiced in four out of five dentist recommended commercials.


I WANT LOVE THAT MAKES ME FEEL DIRTY! shouted a little doggie who got scolded for inappropriate behavior with a rubber mallet and two large glasses of chilled iced tea. The dog headed out to the backyard to go visit the chickens who were trying to decide if the tall straw man would help them cross the road. But then a buff rooster appeared


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KANI...layer_embedded


carrying a large sack of bung hole covers. decided not to help with the nasty case of dirty butt rash. Instead he tried to clean it with a rusty steelo, metho, and tub of turtle wax. This story needs to scrub a little bit of the crust off. Meanwhile the dotted easter bilby was nowhere to be seen. HE was waiting in line at the local Walmart trying to take advantage of the cashier named Gus. He was busy checking the women's lingerie section.

CHAPTER V.

What the... script writer didn't know was that aliens had abducted the director and the writer was running away from the CIA Culinary Institute of America? Canadian Institute of Actuaries The Cancun International Airport? Cleveland Institute of Art? But I digress. So,the Carcinogenous Intergalactic Aliens went on to find other TLAs to ponder what, exactly a TLA is doing in this CIA centered portion of the lost sock cupboard otherwise known as LSC. IT took the NBA, NFL, CIA, and FBI TLC to ASAP the DOG, always hungry and FDA approved BLT's weren't giving on the DL. So along came a spider and sat down beside a very hairy member of parliament, realizing WTF? The spider LOL'd at the speech being with the debate on whether or not to pull out all of the hair on his chiny chin chin. Well, ranted and raved like a mad dog wearing an easter bunny suit on Christmas. The funny monkey said he had forgotten the punchline to the extremely longwinded story. The out of character (and grammar) narrator said keep in mind that this is all in until it is out like an old bellybutton lint that was extracted using a pretty woman's cigar cutter to snip away the nasty remains of what was left on the couch. Who knew that squid could tap dance without using any of his mind's computing power or even his good left foot. He was however very upset at the recent turn of events that led to the tragic misunderstanding with the eel's supervisor at the electric slide swap meet.

It resulted in the messy death of two different sentient creme eggs who melted in the mouth, adding five miles to the length of a fat boy's jogging time

[HEY]

. The five miles grew shorter as his weight approached the point of being 20 pounds lighter than it had ever been prior to 1989. Above 1989 pounds however, wasn't even possible until cigarettes were banned everywhere which took at least several light years to since no one wanted to lose all the wonderful tar that has paved the highways of choking lungs for many eons. The yellow truck drove right into the lemon jelly covered hedge making it illegal to do the required three things any male must do to avoid punishment when living with mean and extremely violent rats . The cat in the hat on the mat eating fat mooselike rats decided that he couldn't leave his small flat without a raincoat and and a fuzzy llama. So he gathered up all the loose ends floating in the pool of tears and settled on watching TV and hating everything there is on it. The llama named Paul was a llama not at all like the other ones Llama K. You OK? the llama asked for a fur coat to hide his bald butt. The quick brown fox was tired of jumping so he killed the story well before it was due to end. Meanwhile, the horny aardvark was hotly pursuing his friends with no horns. A chicken's butt end is a nasty thing to hold or behold unless decently covered with crispy fried bacon and fatty pork chop sauce.

In the next valley the otters were having a birthday party for the nice blue lady who seemed to flirt with danger at every chance. She spoke with a deceptively mild looking oogle as she googled the day long. Often flatulated with foresyphilence, she scratched her butt then picked her nose. Gertrude, her nose's name, didn't like being picked on. You can pick your nose but you can't do it with mittens. Even the kittens knew what time school started. But they were bad and got ran over by a skateboarder with an infected butt piercing that was self inflicted. The poor little guy soon learned to play his luck through his psychic adviser, Madame Putrid. She was a small legless crustacean with a quick eye for the naughty. She tied up an octopus, using only an old twister game. Suddenly, someone knocked on the bedroom door. "OPEN UP" called the dark and sexy stranger. She

Oops!

A bottle of absynth and some fuzzy handcuffs , a monkey in leather shorts and an enormous squirrel wearing its birthday cake in a nutshell , the latest O'Reilly book, some sort of cookbook, chips, dip, chains and whips totaled to five words to add balance to the end of this sentence, if we punctuate. The end felt kind of mushy, not at all what the Book of Good Style Gone Bad, would say. Sherlock Holmes posed the very interesting question about the dog that didn't bark in the night. Later, the limbo dancer unwound enough and began singing a sad little ditty about the cute girl living next door to the blue fish. But the purple octopus was dyslexic and tended to forget her glasses and tripped a lot over seven of her younger brothers and sisters. Having landed gently on an unsuspecting bystander, she turned a darker shade and began eating bark. This silenced the dogs. And sickened the dyslexic wondering about a dog and the meaning of the number 42, when suddenly she had a revelation. Or was it an orgasm? Who knows at GKrispy's Retreat? Sex is so much fun especially between species, so Philip José Farmer tells in tongue-deep-in-cheek pseudonymous works, that it would be devilishly impossible to even guess at the meaning of the current context.

So instead let's all do the chicken dance like we did last time the cats were were looking very hungry. They had long been of the opinion that the other white meat wasn't really pork, but was taken from small children's school lunch buckets. This thought was rather disturbing since the lunches never came home uneaten. Who knew what the other other white meat was wearing before it went into the dark recesses of the factory. Later on Fat Bastard became very hungry and was unable to stop drooling over the locked cage the children were being kept in for scientific purposes. Meanwhile the carnivorous squirrel stalked him, sneakily hiding behind the soda machine, it peered over the Rice Krispies bar display and decided to give up drinking. The psychedelic cereal might convince a keen observer to gobble everything in one very large bite, without choking on chunks . The swallowing was very painful due to rough surfaces on the inside; oil would have helped. Having survived the choking knotweed trap that had captured three small rodents the plucky heroine tried her hand at cricket.

The cricket was not pleased to be handed a bat since he did not play field, nor did he pitch. So the wicket remained sticky in his hand. Ewwww, he said, as he rubbed his hand on his pant leg. the lady stood in the middle of the the hot tub and And slipped and fell breaking several records for Competetive jacuzzi diving (women). Jacuzzi diving amongst snakeweed Was phased out after too many snakes were eliminated for unethical behavior. During the pep rally the snakes were trying to redeem their previous poor performance in the limbo by attaching roller-blades To their tube tops, Cheerleaders, minus their underwear, should never limbo with Their legs uncrossed unless the lights are out. And no flaming batons nor volcanic eruptions should shed any light upon what must not be seen by green eyes. Alas, poor Yorick, I knew his bear, Horatio, who was also poor. The wealthy chickens were preparing for the party where there would be showing off in an elaborately decorated size 9 blue suede shoe worn by the wildest and most insanely happy chicken.

Cancan dancing hippos stepped carefully through the tangled buttered breadsticks occupied by crispy fried bacon and Vaseline petroleum jelly. The fancy feathered fanatics had a bad case of eggsasperating eggscruciating eggstraneous eggspert eggsamples of eggceeding eggshaustion which led to baldness. After the party ended everyone put their clothes on someone else just for the halibut. Then the small blue fishie next to the one in the glass dishie was squishy in the jelly wrestling ring. Maryanne was definitely not feeling her best, so for a quick pick-me-up she prepared the dark drink that Lily the Pink showed her. She quaffed it quickly and proceeded to fall about 10 seconds later. Fortunately, a hungry bear appeared and it woke Maryanne from her drug induced psychedelic premonition dancing purple salami and cheese sandwiches hallucination. Grateful, she gave a great guffaw and asked for another. She had already forgotten all the fun times she had previously remembered. However, she hadn't forgotten the really fun times when the snake, the otter and the chicken all went to the bar for Happy Hour and the snake ate the cocktail napkin and had very violent conniptions. She was saved by the very brave chicken who knew the Heimlich maneuver.

On a snake this was a tad difficult, so he decided to ask the bartender to serve a double Scotch tape dispenser, which he used to attach legs to the legless centipede. (or ‘snake’ as it is sometimes known). This helped in reviving the age old tradition of hurling the furry little caterpiller as far as the moon. However the cow jumping the moon had to bend her knees to avoid tripping over her engorged udders.
(heh, heh...now you'll have THAT image in your mind all day...)

[oh thank you for that image]

After safely landing on the now defunct caterpillar the cow mooed in anticipation of the upcoming open bar in recluse's honor. Why did we ever think we couldn't drink and drive a caterpillar insane simply by making little squishy noises right behind her back? Instead, all we did was tickle her just behind the two llamas lodged in her tearducks

THOUAQUE!!!

And out came a haunting melody that reminded everyone of the bad old days on Gilligan's Island. Remember when the Professor accidentally ate Gilligan when food was low and the others were like chickens with BBQ sauce on them. Very tasty and crispy, that other white meat, was very jealous. So tempting was the smell of napalm in the ice fields of volcanoland, that our hero was tempted to add some tabasco sauce, but felt it would burn out before the meal ended. When the moon rose it shone on the smell of victory to reveal that all had vanished in the night. Meanwhile, Rocky and Bullwinkle having found the Kerwood Derby a disappointment decided by tossing a coin to have lunch at the little bistro featuring some sort of malted milk confection, flavoured with the little blue fish by Garry Moore, who was moonlighting as a poledancer wearing naught but a come hither smile lingering on lipstick smothered all over and around his karma score, which in the grand scheme didn't add up to half of one-third of even a tiny fraction of the total. Who said that? I say! The nerve of some some people who don't want to work today but would rather hang those dang horse thieves.

Hanging would also be an interesting jobskill to have before travelling to Iceland with the babes in the wood who were quietly vicious and finished off the whiskey. Whiskey! Where is mine groaned the violent shivering llama as he groped on the ground for cough medicine and woolly jumpers. He licked up all the molten chocolate left by the kangaroos as they left the scene of the crime. Giant Australian porpoises appeared outta the otter lairs out of the otter lairs

[Oops - obviously taking a vacation has impaired his ability to count to 4 - imagine how he will charge his patients?}

[Fixed it for ya!]
[Fixed it for ya!]
[thank you very much]

and started counting on public apathy to allow only four words to hinder their passage down the yellow brick road. Countless cute kittens cavorted on the road to Mandalay, after which they headed to Kathmandu for Bing and Bob's anniversary. But Dorothy couldn't attend, but her little dog Cujo had eaten Scarecrow and frightened the lion out of Eden for the rest of the the Summer. The lion apparently ate ravenne who hasn't been seen since the last time he appeared on this stage upside down and rather red in the face.This clashed terribly with the lovely blue brocade around the hooves of the tiny seahorses that galloped along next to the tiny blue fish riding on urchins with spangles. Up came the mermaid sternly demanding that the sirens stop singing Orinoco Flow. In response, the sirens belted out an ABBA medley that included a reworking of

[get out of my brain!!]
[where are you desertgrandma?]

Smoke on the Water. This was so frightening that the mermaid called out in horror. She screamed as the clouds started to dance in formation, performing their version of River Dance, complete with headbands and clogs. Beneath the waves lurked a fugitive fish fresh out of the slammer. He still was wearing his best thong and a tan raincoat that had stains of a

[Ooops!]

forgotten meal eaten in haste at a service station in the backwoods incestuous country town of Wopwop county next to the fabled land of Puff the magic dragon. Fortunately Puff wasn't home but he had left the key under the remains of his last puff stash. Next, he noted that Ravenne is still in winter mode. P-Drag* lit up a *his moniker amongst friends and business associates...huge spliff and invited the zorange goldfish he had met previously at the cook-out back to party with Bob Marley. Meanwhile back at the platypus disco fever night the party was in turmoil. A particularly troublesome and drunk octopus had fallen on the floor and been mistaken for a mop by the policeman, who decided to round up the usual objects and inter them in a deep pit and move on. So there I was, riding a duck billed platypus TC Beacham on a sunny afternoon when I heard a loud hoot from a passing pink and red sportscar driven by a nearsighted pygmy Barn Owl. He unfortunately crashed into a giant squid named Arthur, who was not at all happy with being named Arthur, because he felt more like having salad, instead of the heavy pasta lunch laced with pink fluorising which people named Arthur just hate. So instead he ordered a large plate of bacon with a side of chocolate, which made him feel like a real man! But he was only a shadow of what shadows are supposed to weight because he had fasted since the early part of December, 1901.

He knew that real men do eat quiche, as well as the occasional chocolate sprinkled donut with bacon bits as well as green vegetables topped with pink stuff. Then camel Louis reviewed the movies premiering on Friday. He decided to see whether he could find any clues to the crowbar incident in the moving thread now found in the blood-stained tattered, filthy pile of what was once a shiny blue parrot. Sadly for all concerned, the pile now contained the elbows, ears and severed head of the wooden horsie, but the rest of Robin Hood's merry tights were found in a bunch. Acting quickly, the newly green parrot called 911 to report suspicious activity at the crack of Robin Hood's tree house. When they explained to the police about the blue fish net stockings and the slinky red satin sheath the sheriff threw his big, manly arms around before he realized that he was on duty. Meanwhile, little piggly wiggly accidentally wandered into a sausage factory and noticedaunt vera and uncle Harv as they were visiting the facility with other members of the family, doomed to become tomorrow's bacon. Sad to see that coming, but it's so delicious a dead pig or two that there were no complaints regarding the pork. Eat more beef shouted Junior, the smallest pig. This was heartily seconded by Pinky, his older and considerably more stupid sister, who was knownaround town as being a bit wild with using pepperspray on approaching the outer limits of common civility.

Her father used to tell her Daughter, never forget to wear clean underwear, you never know when you might need it". This advice was ignored and when the accident occurred, she was totally unprepared and soiled her undies. She was SO embarrassed she soiled them again! Scrubbing furiously, she said, That'll teach me to order the curried lamb three times before a kind waiter managed to ask if I was going to order fries with my curried succotash. No no never again after strawberry pudding made not from any strawberries grown on this world! She decided that the best way to proceed was to go backwards. Going forwards would have gotten her hopelessly lost. Or at least she might not be able to find a way back to the side of the blue fish selling watermelons full of funny looking seeds that grinned obscenely at the prospective buyer. Instead she went sideways to the two poodles near the exit with the sign for some reason pointing at the mirror hanging above the poodles.

It showed a reflection of the small blue fish who was really purple. The fish became incensed as the poodles were being given all the shampoo and fur dye. What could they do? They had no fur behind the gills to dye or even clean. They did, however, have their pride, and decided to mock the poodles. The poodles retaliated by draining the fishbowl. The fish proceeded to flop out a morse code tantarella that was eerily reminiscent of the macarena. The squirrels rode in on happy blue llamas waving purple stetsons to show off the streamers to the cheering crowd that lined the canal. for the next rapid round of competitive team poodle punching. The poodles ran out of the alcohol that they had spilled under the bar which made the squirrel a bit tipsy after swimming in the puddle. The smallest poodle thundered onto the runway in a fit of rage! Shaking his puny paw,

[Oops, too late]

and looking for a new enemy to vanquish, trample, annihalate and browbeat. But he only found a gay limbo dancer. Frustrated with his find he joined the French Foreign Legion and went hunting for snipe in the deserts of deepest Phoenix where he soon found out why it only hurt when he fell down. But he bravely continued through deep sticky stinky buffalo poo knee high for long grass was not at the parking lot. The hint of jasmine perfume triggered bittersweet memories of someone wearing jasmine perfume and a black veil. With a veiled threat,he jumped into a naked mud wrestling competition, however, wearing a veil
he failed to see the lack of mud and his arm fell off, leaving just five small pieces of slightly smelly bone fragments. His nether region was unhurt, although the accident had subtly changed the shape Of Mr Happy. Did anyone notice the new, slightly used and worn, but still serviceable arm chair in the corner?

Not to mention the brand new sparkling set of cans filled with many a splendid thing Mostly barbecue sauce and fish sticks were used to build the full house on the blue misplaced his cell phone lake that often was patronized by elephants and the occasional weasel. They owned a beautiful loveseat with paisley cushions that sounded like farts when the squirrels jumped on them. The squirrels were laughing uncontrollably and jumping up and down making such a racket that old curmudgeon next door stormed out of his cloud of depressing thoughts to rain curmudgeonly comments on the giggling rodents. Meanwhile, the curmudgeon's wife ran out the door with a carving knife after the small robot who was completely innocent of ever touching her or so he said at least not with anything that protruded from his empty left shoulder. or his empty heart, but who would listen to a pink checkered cheeked young mechanical man with a Frankenstein head resting on a swan neck.

The young robot could not help himself his urges were uncontrollable and the sprockets were well lubed for love. After checking his piston, his wallet, and his O ring, he was allowed to board his high energy fargle plasmatron and blast off. He little suspected that the fantastic journey would be slow to start but he continued on oblivious. Arriving in Wolverhampton he found that his afterburner had burnt away the after. All that remained was the burner. Smitty rolled up his t-shirt and lit his first Cohiba of the day. The smoke's draught wafted into the open window and tickled the nose with a heady bouquet. Nose tickling, Kevin exclaimed what is that farking monkey doing wearing leather chaps and spinning a set of nunchucks around?

[dsvick]

Awesome, but in the thread itself I specifically asked for an ePub version.

[dreams]

Nice job, happy_terd. I thought about doing this, but never got started.

Thanks for all your work (and continuing work) in putting it together, so the story can be found in one place.

[Wetdogeared]

Originally Posted by dsvick

Awesome, but in the thread itself I specifically asked for an ePub version.

A quick attempt at my first, from scratch, ePub using Sigil.

happy_terd did all the grunt work.

*Note* Updated 27-Jan-2010 Version 1.1
*Note* Updated 10-Feb-2010 Version 1.2
*Note* Version numbers now correspond to the current Chapter and Part.
*Note* Updated 03-Mar-2010 Version 2.6
*Note* Updated 25-Mar-2010 Version 4.10 (to post #3282)
*Note* Updated 08-Apr-2010 Version 4.10a (cleaned up xhtml)

[happy_terd]

Thanks

Like I said I fixed a few of the obvious spelling errors, but I did not touch the grammar. I wasnt certain if that would be something that people would want done with it.

Also there was a few places where people broke the fourth wall and spoke outside of the story. I believe i removed all of those, but I am sure the story still needs a good proof reading. I was more focused on the huge cut and paste clipboard action required.

[Wetdogeared]

Originally Posted by happy_terd

Thanks

Like I said I fixed a few of the obvious spelling errors, but I did not touch the grammar. I wasnt certain if that would be something that people would want done with it.

Also there was a few places where people broke the fourth wall and spoke outside of the story. I believe i removed all of those, but I am sure the story still needs a good proof reading. I was more focused on the huge cut and paste clipboard action required.

Yes, it needs an editor, and the participants should follow the rules but...

Anyway, this was just a test to see what it would look like. I'm not even sure I created it the right way using Sigil but it seems to display decently.

Just the start of an ongoing experiment.

[happy_terd]

Originally Posted by Wetdogeared

Yes, it needs an editor, and the participants should follow the rules but...

Anyway, this was just a test to see what it would look like. I'm not even sure I created it the right way using Sigil but it seems to display decently.

Just the start of an ongoing experiment.

I think you are doing a great job.

[Verencat]

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!


I never read that thread, and it's so much fun to read it all like that! Thank you HT, and thank you WDE!

[Katti's Cat]

Thanks for all the work on it - I'm with Verencat - only read bits and pieces of the thread

[happy_terd]

DONE

through post 1266 (which is current for the moment).

[Wetdogeared]

Originally Posted by happy_terd

DONE

through post 1266 (which is current for the moment).

ePub has been updated. Version 1.1

It took me a few tries to not have the ePub page numbers overlap the text.

[Solitaire1]

Thanks for doing this. I wanted to do it myself but you beat me to it. It's fun to read it in this form, and I'm amazed at how much this has grown in such a short time.

[zelda_pinwheel]

wow !! thank you so much happy and wde for your hard work ! this is brilliant. i can't wait to take a look at the story in actual story form. karma to both of you !

[happy_terd]

hmm...anyone think someone should edit the sentence structure a bit? I dont think a few punctuation fixes would ruin the style of the story.

It got a little rough in a couple places with the ,.:;'s

[Wetdogeared]

Originally Posted by happy_terd

hmm...anyone think someone should edit the sentence structure a bit? I dont think a few punctuation fixes would ruin the style of the story.

It got a little rough in a couple places with the ,.:;'s

I left the punctuation as is. I just changed a few of your paragraph breaks so that they weren't mid-sentence.

This reminds me of Memorable FIRST SENTENCES - Only Yours, please when Dr. Drib did an excellent job of editing and creating the ebooks in our upload section in lrf and prc formats.