Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 651

Fbone · 06-08-2017, 08:19 PM

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.

I said "40."

KenMagee · 06-09-2017, 05:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.

I said "40."

I love it.

Fbone · 06-09-2017, 07:57 PM

I went bob sleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs.

Fbone · 06-10-2017, 07:37 PM

Wife says to her programmer husband, "Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen."

Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.

drjd · 06-12-2017, 06:38 AM

When the Park Warden spotted a Dalmatian off the leash, the owner received a spot fine!

wodin · 06-12-2017, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

I went bob sleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs.

You killed your uncle?

Bilbo1967 · 06-12-2017, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

Wife says to her programmer husband, "Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen."

Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.

I use that pretty much word for word in a course I teach to software testers.

drjd · 06-13-2017, 05:45 AM

Ray had just reached his 97th birthday last week. Surrounded by reporters, he was asked, "Excuse me, sir, but how did you come to live to be 97?"

Ray answered, "It was easy. I just never argue with anyone."

The reporter shot back, "That's crazy. It had to be something else -- diet, meditation, or something. Just not arguing won't keep you alive for 97 years!"

The old fella stared hard at the reporter for several seconds.
Then he shrugged, "Hmmm... Maybe you're right."

yvanleterrible · 06-13-2017, 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

Ray had just reached his 97th birthday last week. Surrounded by reporters, he was asked, "Excuse me, sir, but how did you come to live to be 97?"

Ray answered, "It was easy. I just never argue with anyone."

The reporter shot back, "That's crazy. It had to be something else -- diet, meditation, or something. Just not arguing won't keep you alive for 97 years!"

The old fella stared hard at the reporter for several seconds.
Then he shrugged, "Hmmm... Maybe you're right."

Ahhhh! So right!

But I'm pretty sure a guy like that can't retain a bloody red cent to his name also...

Fbone · 06-13-2017, 03:34 PM

I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Bronx zoo.

drjd · 06-14-2017, 06:55 AM

The first Hangman to switch to electricity from the traditional cord was a good conductor, with an alternate code of conduct!

Fbone · 06-14-2017, 08:30 PM

A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.

The bartender says "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line." The guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

Bookpossum · 06-15-2017, 12:12 AM

Groan!

Fbone · 06-16-2017, 02:02 AM

She: I have a doctor’s appointment today but I really don’t want to go…

He: Just call in sick then.

drjd · 06-16-2017, 08:43 AM

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.
"Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained. "She was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. She communicates well and I act like I'm listening."

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06-08-2017, 08:19 PM	#9751
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said "40."

06-09-2017, 07:57 PM	#9753
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I went bob sleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs.

06-10-2017, 07:37 PM	#9754
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Wife says to her programmer husband, "Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen." Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.

06-12-2017, 06:38 AM	#9755
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	When the Park Warden spotted a Dalmatian off the leash, the owner received a spot fine!

06-13-2017, 05:45 AM	#9758
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Ray had just reached his 97th birthday last week. Surrounded by reporters, he was asked, "Excuse me, sir, but how did you come to live to be 97?" Ray answered, "It was easy. I just never argue with anyone." The reporter shot back, "That's crazy. It had to be something else -- diet, meditation, or something. Just not arguing won't keep you alive for 97 years!" The old fella stared hard at the reporter for several seconds. Then he shrugged, "Hmmm... Maybe you're right."

06-13-2017, 03:34 PM	#9760
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Bronx zoo.

06-14-2017, 06:55 AM	#9761
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The first Hangman to switch to electricity from the traditional cord was a good conductor, with an alternate code of conduct!

06-14-2017, 08:30 PM	#9762
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch. The bartender says "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line." The guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

06-15-2017, 12:12 AM	#9763
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,137 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	Groan!

06-16-2017, 02:02 AM	#9764
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	She: I have a doctor’s appointment today but I really don’t want to go… He: Just call in sick then.

06-16-2017, 08:43 AM	#9765
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained. "She was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. She communicates well and I act like I'm listening."