Are Self-Publishers More Likely To Get Divorced?

[Ben Arogundade]

fer55

[VydorScope]

I do not think so. The sad reality, at least here in USA, is that MOST people get divorced. Reasons for that are beyond the scope of this forum, but the reality is more then 1/2 of all marriages end poorly, so it makes it hard to blame just one industry for it, IMO.

As for the comments about start up business vs self pub, I call BS. I have done both, and there is no difference. If you want your business to succeed you put insane hours in. It does not matter if you are selling ebooks or widgets. Same time/funding/etc problems apply.

BTW - I am 16 years happily married and plan to stay that way. Anyone can let their job consume them. It is all about setting limits and sticking to them.

[Steven Lyle Jordan]

I agree with VydorScope, and am similarly happily married after 18 years (Oh! My back!) whilst self-publishing. It's true that divorce is too wide-spread to be blamable on one particular industry or activity.

Like so many other activities, a participant needs a partner who is either tolerant of the activity (like my wife), or interested in helping with the activity; in other words, if one of those men had partners who were interested in aiding them with design or promotion, say, with the understanding that they'd share in the potential profits (or at least your enhanced affections for their effort), they might have a healthier marriage.

Not that it's necessarily all the partner's fault; the writers could make more of an effort to spend more time with them and (if necessary) do more of their writing-related activities during times when the partner isn't around, is asleep, is working on their own projects, etc. This is how my marriage works: I basically give up sleep to write, and do the rest where I find the time (which probably has a lot to do with my lousy sales!).

[Steven Lyle Jordan]

Originally Posted by Ben Arogundade

I try and plan my days so that I make time for family, but sometimes things do get crazy, and I end up feeling guilty.

There's the problem: It should be the other way 'round. The writing should only take precedence if it is your primary source of income, and if so, you have no reason to be guilty, and they should understand; otherwise, it's a hobby, and family and friends should take precedence over that.

Many marriages fail because partners cannot strike that proper balance.

[dadioflex]

Originally Posted by Ben Arogundade

Time management is the big question here. I get to see my girlfriend twice a week, and that's as low as I can go in terms of keeping my relationship together.

When I was young "relationship" meant something different to what it must mean these days.

Still, I look forward to Ben becoming a valuable contributing member of this forum over the coming weeks, months and years.

Here's to the future!

[ScalyFreak]

Originally Posted by Steven Lyle Jordan

Many marriages fail because partners cannot strike that proper balance.

This ^

Marriages only work out if both parties are willing to invest enough time and effort to make them work. In the examples mentioned in this thread it's a combination of one spouse being so focused on their new business/novel that they have no energy or time for their spouse any more, and of the other spouse not being willing to be both patient with something that is very important to their partner and assertive about what else is important.

When one or both parties in a marriage are abnormally busy, waiting patiently for a chance to have quality time together doesn't work, because if you just keep waiting, it will never happen. You have to force it, by actually blocking it off on your schedule, and then not allow anything else to interfere with that time. Date night suddenly becomes vital to maintaining a good relationship.

[SerenaFairfax]

I agree that indie writing and self-publishing/promotion/marketing are no different from any other business- relentless.

[HarryT]

One difference might perhaps be that the author tends to work alone, whereas with many other types of start-up business, husband and wife work together. Perhaps if the partner were to take on the important non-writing tasks such as promotion, the divorce rate might be lower?

[Steven Lyle Jordan]

Originally Posted by HarryT

One difference might perhaps be that the author tends to work alone, whereas with many other types of start-up business, husband and wife work together. Perhaps if the partner were to take on the important non-writing tasks such as promotion, the divorce rate might be lower?

My wife keeps offering to help me sell my books. Unfortunately, she's from a press-printing background, and wants to print my books to try to sell them to local bookstores (which, I keep reminding her, don't exist around here anymore). If she can't sell physical product to a physical store, she can't think of any other way to help me (that she's willing to do). So, she goes to bed, and I continue to write.

[QuantumIguana]

Actually, most people don't get divorced. People who remarry multiple times skew the numbers.

[Steven Lyle Jordan]

Well, they must be countered by those who divorce multiple times.

[VydorScope]

Originally Posted by QuantumIguana

Actually, most people don't get divorced. People who remarry multiple times skew the numbers.

Not sure that is correct:

The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage
50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.

CDC report for 2010 has the number at little more then 1/2. They report 6.8 people per 1000 get married, and 3.6 per 1000 get divorced but that excludes data for California, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Louisiana, and Minnesota which skews the numbers a bit. Those states dropping out appear to skew the data towards the positive. If we compare 2010 to years when they reported, it was as has as 4.0 per 1000.

So, the "multiple marriage" issue is accounted for in both stats since the first one breaks out by how many marriages, and second one is by unique person.

Sorry, the sad truth is that we Americans as a culture are not very good at marriage. Debates on reasons why are for a different forum though....