Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 770

timebug · 11-13-2021, 03:44 AM

Someone just told me that Yul Brynner was a lifelong Liverpool supporter.
Also he refused to wear aftershave ever.
It's true, Yul never wore Cologne.

badgoodDeb · 11-13-2021, 08:40 PM

Ooo, that one's a stretch!
Signed -
Musical lover

drjd · 11-17-2021, 05:14 AM

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.

Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine," said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

drjd · 11-23-2021, 03:56 AM

All the grandkids were visiting for Thanksgiving. Before dinner, Grandma made a lengthy speech about being thankful for her extra-special blessings, her four grandchildren. Two seconds after she stopped speaking, all hell broke loose and the kids were yelling and grabbing for the home-made rolls.

Grandma sat there, eyes closed with a tight squint on her face. When asked what was the matter, she replied, "I'm just praying for a little patience to handle all these blessings."

drjd · 11-25-2021, 11:15 AM

There are only two instances when people hate the alarm clock:
1) When it rings.
2) When it doesn’t ring.

DNSB · 11-25-2021, 01:07 PM

Q: Where do turkeys go to dance?

A: The Butter Ball

Brought to you courtesy of a 6 year old grand nephew. Suffering shared is suffering lessened.

poohbear_nc · 11-25-2021, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DNSB

Q: Where do turkeys go to dance?

A: The Butter Ball

Brought to you courtesy of a 6 year old grand nephew. Suffering shared is suffering lessened.

DNSB · 11-26-2021, 12:39 AM

I was going to stop with the Thanksgiving jokes but it is so hard to stop cold turkey.

drjd · 12-05-2021, 05:45 AM

I never actually lose weight anymore.
Apparently, I just loan it out and it comes back with interest.
And lately, I have been getting great rates of return!

timebug · 12-08-2021, 04:01 AM

My friend is saving up for his old age. I told him he did not need to, it comes free if you live long enough.

drjd · 12-08-2021, 04:37 AM

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, the wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here?" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some stupid young woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."

drjd · 12-09-2021, 06:00 AM

What is 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat & 2/4 goat?

Chicago.

drjd · 12-12-2021, 05:46 AM

A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis.

The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.

The man said, "Cure it, I want to prolong it!"

drjd · 12-14-2021, 03:39 AM

The Three Unwritten Rules of Life
1._______________________________
2. _______________________________
3.________________________________

drjd · 12-17-2021, 04:43 AM

A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old European castle. At the end of the tour the guide asks her how she enjoyed it. She admits to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark cobwebby rooms and passages.

"Don't worry," says the guide, "I've never seen a ghost all the time I've been here."

"How long is that?" asks the girl.

"About three hundred years..."

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11-13-2021, 03:44 AM	#11536
timebug Ancient Sage Posts: 14,585 Karma: 15493448 Join Date: Oct 2015 Location: Derby U.K. Device: Kobo Reader	Someone just told me that Yul Brynner was a lifelong Liverpool supporter. Also he refused to wear aftershave ever. It's true, Yul never wore Cologne.

11-13-2021, 08:40 PM	#11537
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,501 Karma: 64095689 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	Ooo, that one's a stretch! Signed - Musical lover

11-17-2021, 05:14 AM	#11538
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine," said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

11-23-2021, 03:56 AM	#11539
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	All the grandkids were visiting for Thanksgiving. Before dinner, Grandma made a lengthy speech about being thankful for her extra-special blessings, her four grandchildren. Two seconds after she stopped speaking, all hell broke loose and the kids were yelling and grabbing for the home-made rolls. Grandma sat there, eyes closed with a tight squint on her face. When asked what was the matter, she replied, "I'm just praying for a little patience to handle all these blessings."

11-25-2021, 11:15 AM	#11540
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	There are only two instances when people hate the alarm clock: 1) When it rings. 2) When it doesn’t ring.

11-25-2021, 01:07 PM	#11541
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,417 Karma: 145435140 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Q: Where do turkeys go to dance? A: The Butter Ball Brought to you courtesy of a 6 year old grand nephew. Suffering shared is suffering lessened.

11-26-2021, 12:39 AM	#11543
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,417 Karma: 145435140 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I was going to stop with the Thanksgiving jokes but it is so hard to stop cold turkey.

12-05-2021, 05:45 AM	#11544
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I never actually lose weight anymore. Apparently, I just loan it out and it comes back with interest. And lately, I have been getting great rates of return!

12-08-2021, 04:01 AM	#11545
timebug Ancient Sage Posts: 14,585 Karma: 15493448 Join Date: Oct 2015 Location: Derby U.K. Device: Kobo Reader	My friend is saving up for his old age. I told him he did not need to, it comes free if you live long enough.

12-08-2021, 04:37 AM	#11546
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, the wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here?" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some stupid young woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."

12-09-2021, 06:00 AM	#11547
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	What is 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat & 2/4 goat? Chicago.

12-12-2021, 05:46 AM	#11548
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it. The man said, "Cure it, I want to prolong it!"

12-14-2021, 03:39 AM	#11549
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The Three Unwritten Rules of Life 1._______________________________ 2. _______________________________ 3.________________________________

12-17-2021, 04:43 AM	#11550
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old European castle. At the end of the tour the guide asks her how she enjoyed it. She admits to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark cobwebby rooms and passages. "Don't worry," says the guide, "I've never seen a ghost all the time I've been here." "How long is that?" asks the girl. "About three hundred years..."