02-18-2017, 03:57 AM | #9571 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
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02-19-2017, 01:12 AM | #9572 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,189
Karma: 100500000
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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Rest in peace boiling water, you will be mist.
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02-20-2017, 01:59 AM | #9573 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,189
Karma: 100500000
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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I hate negative numbers and will stop at nothing to avoid them..
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02-21-2017, 01:29 AM | #9574 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,189
Karma: 100500000
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
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02-21-2017, 09:25 AM | #9575 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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The Judge admonished the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?"
"I do." "Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?" "Sure," said the witness. "My side will win." |
02-21-2017, 09:38 AM | #9576 |
o saeclum infacetum
Posts: 20,228
Karma: 222235366
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: New England
Device: H2O, Aura One, PW5
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02-22-2017, 01:07 AM | #9577 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,189
Karma: 100500000
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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I wish people would stop asking me where I think I'm going to be in 3 years, I don't have 2020 vision.
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02-22-2017, 03:35 AM | #9578 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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A catechist asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.A small child replied, “They couldn’t get a baby-sitter?”
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02-23-2017, 04:34 AM | #9579 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,189
Karma: 100500000
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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The butcher walked backwards into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
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02-23-2017, 12:02 PM | #9580 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country's greatest works of art.
Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her. At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling. 'Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted.' 'Oh my, 'the grandmother says. 'He and I must have the same landlord.' |
02-24-2017, 01:57 AM | #9581 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,189
Karma: 100500000
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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I've decided to sell my Hoover. Well, it was just collecting dust.
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02-25-2017, 02:01 AM | #9582 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,189
Karma: 100500000
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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I hate carrying my luggage around the airport, I rest my case.
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02-26-2017, 01:19 AM | #9583 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,189
Karma: 100500000
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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If it wasn't for physics, I'd be unstoppable.
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02-26-2017, 04:05 AM | #9584 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
Karma: 230999999
Join Date: Aug 2015
Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.
After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. As he handed the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I went to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself this evening. We have sound now." |
02-27-2017, 12:36 AM | #9585 |
Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 8,189
Karma: 100500000
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.
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