Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 635

orlok · 01-07-2017, 05:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Many a true word spoken in jest... (or as Chaucer put it: "Ful ofte in game a sooth I have herd saye!").

Bookpossum · 01-08-2017, 07:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Atnno

Hi

Hello Atnno - welcome to the playpen!

drjd · 01-13-2017, 08:44 AM

We call the language we speak as mother-tounge because fathers so seldom get a chance to use it.

orlok · 01-16-2017, 07:56 AM

A man goes to a funeral and asks the vicar for the wi-fi code.

The vicar says, "Have some respect for your poor dead mother."

The man responds "is that all lower case?"

drjd · 01-17-2017, 05:57 AM

Why do Morris dancers wear bells?

So they can annoy blind people as well.

orlok · 01-17-2017, 06:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

Why do Morris dancers wear bells?

So they can annoy blind people as well.

Bookpossum · 01-17-2017, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

I'll second that!

orlok · 01-18-2017, 09:50 AM

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ID: 154284

Bookpossum · 01-18-2017, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

Attachment 154284

Goodness - they are starting on hard drugs younger and younger.

drjd · 01-19-2017, 06:19 AM

A man walked into a cafe,went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man.

"Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

drjd · 01-21-2017, 10:01 AM

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up.

The judge asked the husband, “What has brought you to this point, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?”

The husband said, “In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing.”

The wife said, “Seven weeks.”

crich70 · 01-22-2017, 09:47 PM

His teacher asked little Johnny what the formula for water was.
He said "h,i, j,k,l,m,n,o."
"What are you talking about," asked the teacher.
"Well teacher yesterday you said the formula for water was h to o."

drjd · 01-23-2017, 08:58 AM

Carlos told his wife he wanted a guitar to play while sitting in the Jacuzzi.
“The next day she bought him an electric guitar.”

drjd · 01-23-2017, 03:23 PM

At dawn the telephone rings,

"Hello, Señor Bob? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Bob, that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Señor, that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Señor Bob."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Señor Bob."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes, Señor Bob, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Señor."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"

"Yes, Señor Bob."

"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Señor Bob."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Señor Bob. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."

SILENCE...........

LONG SILENCE.........

VERY LONG SILENCE....

"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep sh1t."

Fbone · 01-25-2017, 09:52 PM

I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents told me the sky was the limit.

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01-13-2017, 08:44 AM	#9513
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	We call the language we speak as mother-tounge because fathers so seldom get a chance to use it.

01-16-2017, 07:56 AM	#9514
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A man goes to a funeral and asks the vicar for the wi-fi code. The vicar says, "Have some respect for your poor dead mother." The man responds "is that all lower case?"

01-17-2017, 05:57 AM	#9515
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Why do Morris dancers wear bells? So they can annoy blind people as well.

01-18-2017, 09:50 AM	#9518
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"

01-19-2017, 06:19 AM	#9520
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A man walked into a cafe,went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

01-21-2017, 10:01 AM	#9521
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up. The judge asked the husband, “What has brought you to this point, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?” The husband said, “In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing.” The wife said, “Seven weeks.”

01-22-2017, 09:47 PM	#9522
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,305 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	His teacher asked little Johnny what the formula for water was. He said "h,i, j,k,l,m,n,o." "What are you talking about," asked the teacher. "Well teacher yesterday you said the formula for water was h to o."

01-23-2017, 08:58 AM	#9523
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Carlos told his wife he wanted a guitar to play while sitting in the Jacuzzi. “The next day she bought him an electric guitar.”

01-23-2017, 03:23 PM	#9524
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Señor Bob? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house." "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Bob, that your parrot, he is dead". "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?" "Si, Señor, that's the one." "Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?" "From eating the rotten meat, Señor Bob." "Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?" "Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse." "Dead horse? What dead horse?" "The thoroughbred, Señor Bob." "My prize thoroughbred is dead?" "Yes, Señor Bob, he died from all that work pulling the water cart." "Are you insane? What water cart?" "The one we used to put out the fire, Señor." "Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?" "The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire." "What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!" "Yes, Señor Bob." "But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?" "For the funeral, Señor Bob." "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!" "Your wife's, Señor Bob. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft." SILENCE........... LONG SILENCE......... VERY LONG SILENCE.... "Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep sh1t."

01-25-2017, 09:52 PM	#9525
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents told me the sky was the limit.