Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 389

Freeshadow · 12-26-2012, 07:40 PM

You'll have to pay additional shipping, the pygmies are imported from Africa, it's no amazon stuff. They fooled you with black Friday sales ;p

steven522 · 12-27-2012, 07:43 AM

There are a couple of pygmy tribes along the Amazon, so Orlok should be good.

You getting a Baka or a Mbuti?

yvanleterrible · 12-27-2012, 09:33 AM

The Amazon is nowhere near Africa. This globalization thing is getting way out of hand...so to speak...

Fbone · 12-27-2012, 02:50 PM

A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago, biting his fingernails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, “Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?”

The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. Seconds later she comes back with a drink. He downs it quickly and seems to calm down.

Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees him shaking and biting his nails again. She brings him another drink which he downs immediately. A half hour later she returns to see him shaking uncontrollably, and almost in tears.

“My goodness,” the flight attendant says, “I’ve never seen someone so afraid to fly.”

“I’m not afraid of flying,” says the man.

“Then what’s the matter?

“I’m trying to give up drinking.”

wannabee · 12-27-2012, 10:56 PM

Four guys sitting around having drinks and one of the men had to use the restroom. The three others talk about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy, he started working in the company at the bottom. He studied business and began to climb the corporate ladder, became president of the company. He's so rich he gave his best friend a top of the line mercedes for Christmas."
The second guy said, "Damn, thats terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, went to flight school to become a pilot. He became a partner and now owns the majority of its assets. He is so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet as a christmas gift!"
The third man said. "Well thats terrific! my son studied in the best universities and became an engineer, started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave an expensive Christmas gift to his best friend, a 30,000 square foot mansion!"
The three guys congratulate each other just as the forth guy returned from the restroom and he asked what they are congratulating each other for?
One of the three says, "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son, what does he do?"
The forth guy replies, "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends say, "Thats a shame...what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied. "Nah, I'm not ashamed he's my son and I love him..and he hasn't done too bad for himself either. Why, just this Christmas alone he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line mercedes from his 3 boyfriends."

Fbone · 12-28-2012, 02:05 PM

The good news about middle age is that the glass is still half-full… of course, the bad news is that it won’t be long before your teeth are floating in it.

issybird · 12-29-2012, 12:04 PM

WT Sharpe · 12-29-2012, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by issybird

Amen.

Fbone · 12-29-2012, 06:43 PM

A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read “Unique Breakfast” so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted.

“What’s your ‘Unique Breakfast?’” he asked.

“Baked tongue of chicken,” she replied.

“Baked tongue of chicken?… Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken’s mouth!” he fumed.

Undaunted, the waitress asked, “What would you like then?”

“Just bring me scrambled eggs,” the man replied.

yvanleterrible · 12-30-2012, 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by issybird

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

Amen.

Especially expressions brought into English from other languages where words are tortured so much as to be unrecognizable...

orlok · 12-30-2012, 07:45 AM

^ One of my most embarrassing examples of this was my pronounciation of "Echinacea" when I tried to ask for it in a health-food shop. I said it as it looks, and it took a while for the assistant to work out what I wanted was "Ek-in-aisha"

.

Stitchawl · 12-30-2012, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

^ One of my most embarrassing examples of this was my pronounciation of "Echinacea" when I tried to ask for it in a health-food shop. I said it as it looks, and it took a while for the assistant to work out what I wanted was "Ek-in-aisha"

.

High School French class, 1963... had to read last night's home work assignment aloud to the class... about French history and the role played by
"Vercingetorix." Try that one aloud when you didn't pre-read it the night before as we were suppose to... and do so 'smoothly' so the teacher won't realize I didn't do my homework...

Stitchawl

poohbear_nc · 12-30-2012, 02:14 PM

I fell flat on dingy (dark & dusty) and dingy (small boat) - I first encountered it whilst reading Treasure Island - and promptly read it aloud with a hard G until corrected in front of all my classmates by a sadistic teacher who reveled in public humiliation as a teaching strategy.

[and it worked! I've never forgotten that moment in my elementary school education!]

Fbone · 12-30-2012, 03:36 PM

The high school senior and her parents were visiting a prestigious university.

During a tour their student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. The guide told the visitors that the professors were the best in the world. She also recommended applying early to improve chances for admission. “We get so many applicants,” she boasted, “because of the stature of the school.”

After the tour, the father of the prospective student asked the guide, “So, why did you choose this school?”

“Oh,” she replied matter-of-factly, “my boyfriend goes here.”

James_Wilde · 12-31-2012, 07:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

I fell flat on dingy (dark & dusty) and dingy (small boat) - I first encountered it whilst reading Treasure Island - and promptly read it aloud with a hard G until corrected in front of all my classmates by a sadistic teacher who reveled in public humiliation as a teaching strategy.

[and it worked! I've never forgotten that moment in my elementary school education!]

I thought the boat was a dinghy. Or is that the UK spelling, which includes so many unnecessary letters. <rant> Dr Johnson should have been drowned at birth. Imagine separating off the 'e' in diphthongs such as 'ae' and moving it to the end of the word. Or using an 'e' at the end of a word to change the pronunciation of another vowel in the middle of the word.

</rant>

And I hold steadfastly to ek-in-a-see-a for the cold cure.

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12-26-2012, 07:40 PM	#5821
Freeshadow temp. out of service Posts: 2,790 Karma: 24285242 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Duisburg (DE) Device: PB 623	You'll have to pay additional shipping, the pygmies are imported from Africa, it's no amazon stuff. They fooled you with black Friday sales ;p

12-27-2012, 07:43 AM	#5822
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	There are a couple of pygmy tribes along the Amazon, so Orlok should be good. You getting a Baka or a Mbuti?

12-27-2012, 09:33 AM	#5823
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	The Amazon is nowhere near Africa. This globalization thing is getting way out of hand...so to speak...

12-27-2012, 02:50 PM	#5824
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago, biting his fingernails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, “Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?” The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. Seconds later she comes back with a drink. He downs it quickly and seems to calm down. Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees him shaking and biting his nails again. She brings him another drink which he downs immediately. A half hour later she returns to see him shaking uncontrollably, and almost in tears. “My goodness,” the flight attendant says, “I’ve never seen someone so afraid to fly.” “I’m not afraid of flying,” says the man. “Then what’s the matter? “I’m trying to give up drinking.”

12-27-2012, 10:56 PM	#5825
wannabee Media Bloke Posts: 2,381 Karma: 113956855 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: NSW - Australia Device: iOS	Four guys sitting around having drinks and one of the men had to use the restroom. The three others talk about their kids. The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy, he started working in the company at the bottom. He studied business and began to climb the corporate ladder, became president of the company. He's so rich he gave his best friend a top of the line mercedes for Christmas." The second guy said, "Damn, thats terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, went to flight school to become a pilot. He became a partner and now owns the majority of its assets. He is so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet as a christmas gift!" The third man said. "Well thats terrific! my son studied in the best universities and became an engineer, started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave an expensive Christmas gift to his best friend, a 30,000 square foot mansion!" The three guys congratulate each other just as the forth guy returned from the restroom and he asked what they are congratulating each other for? One of the three says, "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son, what does he do?" The forth guy replies, "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub." The three friends say, "Thats a shame...what a disappointment." The fourth man replied. "Nah, I'm not ashamed he's my son and I love him..and he hasn't done too bad for himself either. Why, just this Christmas alone he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line mercedes from his 3 boyfriends."

12-28-2012, 02:05 PM	#5826
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	The good news about middle age is that the glass is still half-full… of course, the bad news is that it won’t be long before your teeth are floating in it.

12-29-2012, 12:04 PM	#5827
issybird o saeclum infacetum Posts: 20,208 Karma: 222235366 Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: New England Device: H2O, Aura One, PW5

12-29-2012, 06:43 PM	#5829
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read “Unique Breakfast” so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. “What’s your ‘Unique Breakfast?’” he asked. “Baked tongue of chicken,” she replied. “Baked tongue of chicken?… Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken’s mouth!” he fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, “What would you like then?” “Just bring me scrambled eggs,” the man replied.

12-30-2012, 07:45 AM	#5831
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	^ One of my most embarrassing examples of this was my pronounciation of "Echinacea" when I tried to ask for it in a health-food shop. I said it as it looks, and it took a while for the assistant to work out what I wanted was "Ek-in-aisha" .

12-30-2012, 02:14 PM	#5833
poohbear_nc Now what? Posts: 58,794 Karma: 135181808 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!	I fell flat on dingy (dark & dusty) and dingy (small boat) - I first encountered it whilst reading Treasure Island - and promptly read it aloud with a hard G until corrected in front of all my classmates by a sadistic teacher who reveled in public humiliation as a teaching strategy. [and it worked! I've never forgotten that moment in my elementary school education!]

12-30-2012, 03:36 PM	#5834
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	The high school senior and her parents were visiting a prestigious university. During a tour their student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. The guide told the visitors that the professors were the best in the world. She also recommended applying early to improve chances for admission. “We get so many applicants,” she boasted, “because of the stature of the school.” After the tour, the father of the prospective student asked the guide, “So, why did you choose this school?” “Oh,” she replied matter-of-factly, “my boyfriend goes here.”