Teens reading adult books...

[twowheels]

[Warning: mild spoilers about 'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo']

A lot of readers here, so I'm guessing that there are a lot of opinions here on this subject...

My daughter is 11, almost 12. She's an avid reader -- always has three or four books that she's actively reading. She tends to read difficult books (just yesterday she asked me if she should read Hamlet or Rome & Juliet next -- I suggested Hamlet).

As her reading ability increases (it's already beyond 12th grade level) the types of books that she is interested in become more adult in nature, which introduces new challenges for me.

Some time ago my niece texted me to tell me that my daughter was reading the Twilight series [yeah, she still reads popular stuff too] and that she was getting toward the fourth book, which wasn't appropriate for her age. I downloaded it and skimmed the book. I didn't find anything overly objectionable, no worse that you'd see on daytime TV, so I decided not to stop her from reading it (though I considered objecting based on the quality of the writing, but that's a different issue ). Anyhow, I've mostly taken the view that sheltering her isn't the right approach. I grew up in a sheltered home, prevented from seeing the world around me, and feel that my parents did a disservice. I left home unsure of who I was, what I believed, etc... I'd still been exposed to the things that my parents tried to keep me from through classmates, but never had the opportunity to properly think about them, and definitely no way to discuss them with an adult. I often wish that I could go back in time and tell my child-self a number of things about life. For this reason I am happy to see that my daughter has a much more informed view of life than I did and that she's willing to talk to me about the content of what she reads.

That said, there's still a line (I think). Problem is, where is it? Yesterday, somehow, the book 'The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" came up, not sure how. I said that it wasn't really a kid's book, and she said something like "Oh, I'm glad that you told me, I was about to read it." I didn't elaborate, only said "Yeah, it's probably better that you wait for that one."

I'm not sure why I felt that way... it's not significantly worse than other things that she's reading. What makes it different? The sadism? Sadistic things happen is this world, and they're not condoned in the book. Do I object to the casualness with which multiple sexual relationships are discussed? I'm fairly liberal, so I don't think so -- I don't find it any more offensive than the complete sheltering that I grew up with -- but I do feel that she needs context to understand it. Do I fear the discussions that it would generate?

Perhaps she's not old enough to handle these topics, but if I'm completely honest I have to admit that she's most definitely heard of these things at school, on TV, etc. Pretending that they don't exist doesn't work... banning them just drives it underground (she'd read it anyway and not tell me -- I know from my own experience that you can't keep kids away from things)... so far I've been very fortunate, she's very willing to talk to me about just about anything and usually takes my advice. I believe that my openness to just lay it out on the table and give her the responsibility has a lot to do with it. As an example, she wanted to get a gauge earring (the kind that stretches the earlobe and creates a big hole). Her mother and grandmother yelled, demanded, etc, and she still bought it, "but it's the smallest size!". I basically told her that styles change, people change, and it's a permanent alteration that she can't undo. I told her that I'm OK with her trying to express herself with her clothes and hair, but that I thought that drawing the line at things that can't be undone was a reasonable request. She immediately agreed and got rid of the earring. Her grandmother (her mom's mom) was surprised and telling me how amazing it is that she listens to me, but not anybody else.

Anyhow, I'm just spewing my thoughts here and its' not very coherent... :-) How do/did other parents here deal with these issues (those related to books, I went on a tangent at the end) with their children?

[adityadubey]

I'm just 24 and nowhere close to being a parent. However, I too read adult books as a kid (the Godfather at 12 or 13 maybe for e.g.). Nowadays the kind of information available is immense and sheltering kids somehow seems to be redundant. I've never had any issues because of my reading. Frankly, I think reading actually allowed me to reflect on some things and be better prepared for the outside world in general. Your daughter sounds like an intelligent young girl (reading stephanie meyer doesn't disqualify her at that age ) so I wouldn't worry too much, unless its something which is really over the top (A clockwork orange, trainspotting maybe ). What's great is that you have a comfortable relationship with her, so could probably ask her how she liked a particular book to gauge its impact.

[JLeighs]

I'll give my thoughts, but they are coming from a very conservative* person.

I have an almost-19 year old daughter. When she was growing up, I faced this issue all the time. However, I was never of the opinion that she needed to be aware of all the (in my opinion) garbage going on out there all the time because I knew she would be immersed in it soon enough. To that end, I carefully screened what she read and what she watched and who she was hanging around with. In short, I made sure I knew what was going on with her at all times as much as possible. That doesn't mean that I was a shrewish, close-minded mom. She was encouraged to talk to me about everything and anything, and she did.

I would have had a big problem with her reading anything that discussed casual sex, drugs, or the darker, seedier side of life. I don't think it's healthy for young people, and I think it can shape their minds in the wrong direction. The written word is a very powerful thing and can have a huge impact on those who are not yet old enough to reason things out properly. My .02

*this does not mean that I'm a card-carrying right-winger in the commonly understood definition of the term.

[Sweetpea]

I can only speak from my own experience.

I started reading primarily "adult" books when I was around 13 or 14. My parents never banned me from reading any book. They just made sure they were available (or rather, my mother was) to discuss things.

I think it's wrong to keep your kids from seeing, hearing, or reading things that actually happen in the real world. But as a parent, you do need to take your responsibility to put it all in perspective and talk to your kid about it.

Naturally, you can say a book isn't really suited for your kid, simply because he or she wouldn't understand the deeper meaning of it and thus render the book less fun to read.

[phenomshel]

All I know is my mom never tried to censor my reading. And she could have very easily done so, I grew up in a small town (the same small town my mom grew up in) and my mom either knew or was related to (or both) absolutely everyone. She was also friends with both the school librarian and the librarian for our branch of the county library system.
I read everything from the complete spectrum of Lang fairy books, to "The Happy Hooker". (No, I am NOT kidding, however, I've never been completely certain if Mom knew I read that last one... )
I never really censored my daughter's reading either; though I did put my foot down over R.L. Stine, because they caused nightmares (after she had the first nightmare, I read one of the books and had nightmares of my own, and banned them for that reason); but now that the kids' father and I are divorced, and our son lives with his dad and grandparents, they are a lot stricter about what he can read. For example, he isn't allowed to read Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy, as his dad believes they are anti-Christian. (I read and enjoyed the books, myself, and don't see that they'd do Jay any harm, he's 14), but his house, his rules, you know?

[ardeegee]

I was reading Stephen King in my early teens (IIRC my first was Pet Sematary) and I hardly ever mutilate anyone.

[adityadubey]

Originally Posted by ardeegee

hardly ever

[June]

My patents didn't restrict my reading, and I was reading adult fiction and biographies by age 13 (it's ages ago but I remember that I definitely was reading adult books by that age, since we moved to a new location with new library), might even have been a bit earlier. I remember reading at least FannyHill and books by Stephen King at that age. And I'm a university graduate with a good job that doesn't involve xrated services, and haven't mutilated anyone so far

But be sure to have a good contact with your kid, so that (s)he can talk if the need arises.

[Magnesus]

I was reading adult fiction as long as I can remember. I read "The Plauge" by Camus when I was VERY young (I remember that I thought it was based on actual events) and read many SF books with some dirty things in them that I didn't understood then.

[jbcohen]

Would rather encourage a love of litterature than sensor any books at all. My five year old reads basic books at the moment - Where's Spot by Eric Hill. I have always required more from him in all areas of his life then he can at the moment so that he is always learning to do new things. I have copies of War an Peace in the house so there is not problem getting him advanced reading.

[kindlekitten]

Originally Posted by jbcohen

Would rather encourage a love of litterature than sensor any books at all. My five year old reads basic books at the moment - Where's Spot by Eric Hill. I have always required more from him in all areas of his life then he can at the moment so that he is always learning to do new things. I have copies of War an Peace in the house so there is not problem getting him advanced reading.

oh yeah, there's a book to stimulate a lifelong love of reading

[bjones6416]

My reading was never censored as a child/young teen either, and I don't think it harmed me at all. Like someone else here pointed out, I didn't necessarily understand everything I read, so it didn't scar me for life! Having said that, and I'm just thinking out loud here, maybe times have changed. An 11 year old today probably understands a WHOLE lot more than I did at that age, and I wonder if that might make a different in the impact of the reading material. I'm specifically thinking of the Dragon Tattoo book -- that one particular bit of sexual violence might have really scared/confused me about sex if I had read it as a child AND understood what was happening. I don't know...just thinking about it. I don't really as a rule believe in censoring a teen's reading, though.

[adityadubey]

Originally Posted by kindlekitten

oh yeah, there's a book to stimulate a lifelong love of reading

[twowheels]

Thanks all for the thoughtful replies, lots of fruit for thought.

I confess that I actually expected more calls for censoring her reading because I'd gotten the impression that mobileread readers fall more on the conservative side -- I was curious to see why people would feel that way. Perhaps I misread the lay of the land. Or, maybe, avid readers tend to be the types who disapprove of banning books. :-) (my mom actually tried to have Shel Silverstein's "Where the Sidewalk Ends" removed from my school library when it first came out -- I bought a 30th anniversary copy with CD for my daughter)

A few people expressed a similar comment... that they read books that had adult themes, but they didn't understand them. I feel the same way. I listen to songs now that I remember from my childhood and I think "whoa... it said THAT?!?". Thing is, as bjones6416 pointed out, kids today seem to understand a whole lot more. Maybe it's just my daughter, maybe she's just naturally more mature than I was (I think that she is), but she is capable of critical thought and reasoning at a level that I'm quite certain that I wasn't and seems to understand far more about what's going on around her than I did.

Perhaps the answer for me is that I should feel out how much she's actually understanding and take it from there... if she's glossing over the details, pointing them out might not be the best thing to do.

[ardeegee]

Originally Posted by twowheels

Perhaps I misread the lay of the land.

Now, stopping your 11-year old from reading a book called The Lay of the Land, I think might be prudent...