Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 473

orlok · 09-30-2013, 06:01 AM

Sweet dreams are made of cheese...who am I to dis a Brie?

HomeInMyShoes · 09-30-2013, 11:13 AM

^And I thought Vogon poetry was bad.

orlok · 09-30-2013, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HomeInMyShoes

^And I thought Vogon poetry was bad.

You'll have to take your complaint up with the Eurythmics.

HomeInMyShoes · 09-30-2013, 11:35 AM

I know where it came from. I can actually picture the kind of place that would sell shirts with that on it. chills down my spine

pilotbob · 09-30-2013, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

Sweet dreams are made of cheese...who am I to dis a Brie?

A bit of lyricosis there..

BOb

Nikola Tesla · 09-30-2013, 02:41 PM

Two communist nudist are sitting on their porch when one says to the other: "I say dear fellow, have you read Marx?"

And his friend replied: "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."

Fbone · 09-30-2013, 03:00 PM

At least you'll be able to see your music better.

PeterT · 10-01-2013, 09:14 AM

Children Are Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
--------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria..
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as
your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!
LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL'S MEDICINE!!

Fbone · 10-01-2013, 03:16 PM

Fbone · 10-02-2013, 04:24 PM

In case you were wondering.

Fbone · 10-03-2013, 04:58 PM

WT Sharpe · 10-03-2013, 05:35 PM

If I were him, that would be the end of my surfing days, but that scenario probably gets played out on every beach every day. Other surfers just don't have attached cameras to capture the moment.

Stitchawl · 10-03-2013, 09:07 PM

People are not shark food. Fish, turtles, and seals are shark food.
Now, think of the silhouette that the shark sees when he looks up at surfers.... looks just like a turtle or a seal, the favored dinner for almost every self-respecting meat-eating shark. This is why so many surfers get bitten every year. I love scuba diving around sharks, and do so often. But you'll never catch me on a surf board...

Stitchawl

yvanleterrible · 10-04-2013, 08:38 AM

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.* “Follow me, son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.**
“First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.”* And they did.**
“Well done, son!* Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.” And they did.**
“Now we eat everybody.” And they did.*
When they were both gorged, the son asked, “Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all at first?* Why did we swim around and around them?”*
His wise father replied, “Because they taste better without the s**t inside!”

yvanleterrible · 10-04-2013, 01:50 PM

Speaking of sharks...

A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer passed away last week." The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." Once again the receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week."

The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, "I want to speak to my lawyer." "Excuse me sir," the receptionist says, "but this is third time I've had to tell you that your lawyer DIED last week. Why do you keep calling?" The guy replies, "Because I love hearing it!"

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09-30-2013, 06:01 AM	#7081
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Sweet dreams are made of cheese...who am I to dis a Brie?

09-30-2013, 11:13 AM	#7082
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	^And I thought Vogon poetry was bad.

09-30-2013, 11:35 AM	#7084
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	I know where it came from. I can actually picture the kind of place that would sell shirts with that on it. chills down my spine

09-30-2013, 02:41 PM	#7086
Nikola Tesla Formerly TT Posts: 49 Karma: 756976 Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Touch/ Nexus 7/ Nexus 4	Two communist nudist are sitting on their porch when one says to the other: "I say dear fellow, have you read Marx?" And his friend replied: "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."

09-30-2013, 03:00 PM	#7087
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	At least you'll be able to see your music better.

10-01-2013, 09:14 AM	#7088
PeterT Grand Sorcerer Posts: 12,160 Karma: 73448616 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Toronto Device: Nexus 7, Clara, Touch, Tolino EPOS	Children Are Quick ____________________________________ TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. -------------------------------------------------------- TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria.. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child) ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' ________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!) ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher __________________________________ PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH! LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL'S MEDICINE!!

10-01-2013, 03:16 PM	#7089
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus

10-02-2013, 04:24 PM	#7090
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	In case you were wondering.

10-03-2013, 04:58 PM	#7091
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus

10-03-2013, 05:35 PM	#7092
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,073 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	If I were him, that would be the end of my surfing days, but that scenario probably gets played out on every beach every day. Other surfers just don't have attached cameras to capture the moment.

10-03-2013, 09:07 PM	#7093
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	People are not shark food. Fish, turtles, and seals are shark food. Now, think of the silhouette that the shark sees when he looks up at surfers.... looks just like a turtle or a seal, the favored dinner for almost every self-respecting meat-eating shark. This is why so many surfers get bitten every year. I love scuba diving around sharks, and do so often. But you'll never catch me on a surf board... Stitchawl

10-04-2013, 08:38 AM	#7094
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.* “Follow me, son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.** “First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.”* And they did.** “Well done, son!* Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.” And they did.** “Now we eat everybody.” And they did.* When they were both gorged, the son asked, “Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all at first?* Why did we swim around and around them?”* His wise father replied, “Because they taste better without the s**t inside!”

10-04-2013, 01:50 PM	#7095
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	Speaking of sharks... A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer passed away last week." The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." Once again the receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week." The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, "I want to speak to my lawyer." "Excuse me sir," the receptionist says, "but this is third time I've had to tell you that your lawyer DIED last week. Why do you keep calling?" The guy replies, "Because I love hearing it!"