I Burn Today (Short Story Opening)

Moejoe · 03-11-2009, 09:33 AM

This is the latest work, along with Wabbit Season, which I'm working on.

Available in the short story collection "Small Victories" here: http://www.feedbooks.com/userbook/4439

and as an individual download here: http://www.feedbooks.com/userbook/5918

DixieGal · 03-11-2009, 09:46 AM

It's a good start. Seems like the sort of story I like best, a scifi mystery. There are hints of what is happening, but no overt revelations. That will keep the reader interested if the reason for his arrest is withheld until the end. Take out your post comment to remove the hint, and we will be groveling for more.

Patricia · 03-11-2009, 09:59 AM

I agree: this is a very effective opening.

Moejoe · 03-15-2009, 03:59 AM

[CENTER]****UPDATED**** -- Removed.

dreams · 03-15-2009, 04:48 AM

I loved it! It was a story that drew me in and made me forget that I read the whole thing on my laptop before I could send to my reader.

I especially love the below quoted section.

Quote:

For he had lived and loved and he'd seen the
past and the future. And for those glorious
moments, when the world as it was had faded
away to nothing but the steady rain of his fingers
upon the shimmering waters of a tablet,
he had truly known what it was to be alive.

Moejoe · 03-15-2009, 04:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreams

I loved it! It was a story that drew me in and made me forget that I read the whole thing on my laptop before I could send to my reader.

I especially love the below quoted section.

Thankyou very much, Dreams

I don't know whether to blush, or buy you some virtual chocolates

Will you settle for some Karma?

dreams · 03-15-2009, 04:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moejoe

Thankyou very much, Dreams

I don't know whether to blush, or buy you some virtual chocolates

Will you settle for some Karma?

You're welcome.. Virtual chocolate is probably better at 2 AM but love the Karma... I just posted in the correct place and you must have been reading this before I could move it....

03-11-2009, 09:33 AM	#1
Moejoe Banned Posts: 5,100 Karma: 72193 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: South of the Border Device: Coffin	I Burn Today (Short Story Opening) This is the latest work, along with Wabbit Season, which I'm working on. Available in the short story collection "Small Victories" here: http://www.feedbooks.com/userbook/4439 and as an individual download here: http://www.feedbooks.com/userbook/5918 Last edited by Moejoe; 08-20-2009 at 08:18 PM. Reason: Took out revelatory description. Added cover image. Feedbooks link

03-15-2009, 03:59 AM	#4
Moejoe Banned Posts: 5,100 Karma: 72193 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: South of the Border Device: Coffin	[CENTER]**UPDATED** -- Removed. Last edited by Moejoe; 03-20-2009 at 10:27 AM.

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03-11-2009, 09:46 AM	#2
DixieGal Hi There! Posts: 7,473 Karma: 2930523 Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Ft Lauderdale Device: iPad	It's a good start. Seems like the sort of story I like best, a scifi mystery. There are hints of what is happening, but no overt revelations. That will keep the reader interested if the reason for his arrest is withheld until the end. Take out your post comment to remove the hint, and we will be groveling for more.

03-11-2009, 09:59 AM	#3
Patricia Reader Posts: 11,504 Karma: 8720163 Join Date: May 2007 Location: South Wales, UK Device: Sony PRS-500, PRS-505, Asus EEEpc 4G	I agree: this is a very effective opening.