Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 640

drjd · 02-27-2017, 02:37 AM

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

Then a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah, right."

badgoodDeb · 02-27-2017, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

Then a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah, right."

I've always loved this one! I heard the punchline as "yeah, yeah" when it was first told. Probably in Reader's Digest, cuz that's where I read funny things in years past.

Fbone · 02-28-2017, 02:07 AM

Turning vegan is a big missed steak.

drjd · 02-28-2017, 03:59 AM

I wanted to take home the left-overs from the BBQ, but someone else foiled my plans.

yvanleterrible · 02-28-2017, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

I've always loved this one! I heard the punchline as "yeah, yeah" when it was first told. Probably in Reader's Digest, cuz that's where I read funny things in years past.

Me too. Maybe it's the reason why we stick around here.

Fbone · 03-01-2017, 01:03 AM

My friend really changed when she became vegetarian, it's like I've never seen herbivore.

drjd · 03-01-2017, 02:41 AM

During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.

The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.

After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say....

"You see, it IS vanishing cream!"

Fbone · 03-02-2017, 03:17 AM

My drug dealer cracks me up.

drjd · 03-02-2017, 05:09 AM

I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.'

When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.
'Just where do you think you going?' she asked.

'What do you mean?' I said.

She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: 'Thanks for putting up with me. So long.'

Glorfindel · 03-02-2017, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

My drug dealer cracks me up.

To parody this with another thread here:
My instant pot cracks me up.

Fbone · 03-03-2017, 01:38 AM

How do you comfort a grammar fanatic?

Their, they're, there.

drjd · 03-04-2017, 04:05 AM

I asked a friend of mine by phone what he was doing.

He told me he couldn't talk because he was working on 'aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum, and steel while under a dangerously constrained environment.'

I was impressed. Until the following day when I learned that meant he was 'washing dishes with hot water under his upset wife's supervision.'

Fbone · 03-05-2017, 02:21 AM

The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.

drjd · 03-05-2017, 06:00 AM

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of London the cab driver explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412.

The Texan replied, "Shoot, a little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"

Next they passed the House of Parliament - started in 1544 and completed in 1618.

"Well boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!"

As they passed Westminster Abbey the cab driver was silent.

"Whoah! What's that over there?" asked the Texan.

The driver replied, "I don't know, it wasn't there yesterday."

Fbone · 03-05-2017, 11:56 PM

My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.

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02-27-2017, 02:37 AM	#9586
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." Then a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah, right."

02-28-2017, 02:07 AM	#9588
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Turning vegan is a big missed steak.

02-28-2017, 03:59 AM	#9589
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I wanted to take home the left-overs from the BBQ, but someone else foiled my plans.

03-01-2017, 01:03 AM	#9591
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	My friend really changed when she became vegetarian, it's like I've never seen herbivore.

03-01-2017, 02:41 AM	#9592
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say.... "You see, it IS vanishing cream!"

03-02-2017, 03:17 AM	#9593
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	My drug dealer cracks me up.

03-02-2017, 05:09 AM	#9594
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.' When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work. 'Just where do you think you going?' she asked. 'What do you mean?' I said. She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: 'Thanks for putting up with me. So long.'

03-03-2017, 01:38 AM	#9596
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	How do you comfort a grammar fanatic? Their, they're, there.

03-04-2017, 04:05 AM	#9597
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I asked a friend of mine by phone what he was doing. He told me he couldn't talk because he was working on 'aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum, and steel while under a dangerously constrained environment.' I was impressed. Until the following day when I learned that meant he was 'washing dishes with hot water under his upset wife's supervision.'

03-05-2017, 02:21 AM	#9598
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.

03-05-2017, 06:00 AM	#9599
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of London the cab driver explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412. The Texan replied, "Shoot, a little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!" Next they passed the House of Parliament - started in 1544 and completed in 1618. "Well boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!" As they passed Westminster Abbey the cab driver was silent. "Whoah! What's that over there?" asked the Texan. The driver replied, "I don't know, it wasn't there yesterday."

03-05-2017, 11:56 PM	#9600
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.