Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[PoP]

Originally Posted by Fbone

It’s two gross.

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

Dang numbers!

« It was mentioned on CNN that the new prime number discovered recently is four times bigger then the previous record. »

Yet another gross quotation!

[cromag]

Hmmm ... it can't be exactly four times bigger ...

[PoP]

^ precisely why it is gross by definition.

[Fbone]

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkees, I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face …

[pilotbob]

Originally Posted by Fbone

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkees, I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face …

I assume then you were a believer.

[Fbone]

I was visiting my mother one day, when she passed the candy dish full of chocolates and took one for herself.

“I thought your doctor told you to stop eating candy,” I said.

“Oh, I don’t have to listen to him anymore,” she replied.

“Why not?”

“He died.”

[steven522]

"Grandma, I apologize. While we were sitting here talking, I ate almost your entire dish of peanuts."

"Oh, that's alright. I can't chew up peanuts anymore. All I can do is suck the chocolate off the outside."

[MJK2111]

Originally Posted by Fbone

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.

I haven't been to Karma yet, but we did stop in at a new local joint named Anorexia.

The food wasn't bad, but the line to the bathroom was horrendous!

[PoP]

A couple about to be married are killed in a traffic accident on their way to their wedding. As they stand in line before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, they still want to get married. When it's their turn, they ask St. Peter if they can still get married in Heaven. He gets a worried look, and tells them, "I'll get back to you," and runs inside the Gates.

He's gone for hours, eventually days, and the couple get to talking. And they realize that, well, in Heaven, being married would literally be forever, and that's a bit of a scary prospect.

Finally, St. Peter returns after a few weeks, looking haggard and exhausted. "Yes," he tells the couple, "we can marry you here in Heaven."

Then the couple asks him if it's possible... just in case, you know, to get a divorce in Heaven.

St. Peter's eyes widen in shock. "It took me all this time just to find a priest up here, now you want me to try to find a lawyer?!"

[HomeInMyShoes]

Originally Posted by pilotbob

I assume then you were a believer.

Now now, it's all in good clean fun.

[Fbone]

My daughter said something to me that I didn’t think was very polite. I told her she needed to say it again in a nicer way—so she repeated it with a British accent.

[Glorfindel]

Originally Posted by Fbone

My daughter said something to me that I didn’t think was very polite. I told her she needed to say it again in a nicer way—so she repeated it with a British accent.

[PoP]

Originally Posted by Fbone

My daughter said something to me that I didn’t think was very polite. I told her she needed to say it again in a nicer way—so she repeated it with a British accent.

I told my wife "Woman, without her man, is nothing." she repeated in a nicer way "Woman: without her, Man is nothing."

[Fbone]

It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words antidote and anecdote, one of my good friends would still be living.

—Comedian John McDowell

[Fbone]

I’m reading a great book about antigravity—I just can’t put it down.