The Steel Harvest: A Web Novel Series by J.D. Miller

ScorchedEarth22 · 01-13-2016, 11:16 PM

Hello Mobileread!

My name is J.D. Miller, author of The Steel Harvest! TSH is a web novel fiction with new chapters published twice a week. Each chapter is full-length, with each eight chapters per volume, essentially leading to one light novel a month.

It is an ambitious endeavor, but so far it's full steam ahead! Volume 1 of TSH is available in it's entirety, with volume 2 nearly complete. The response from readers speaks for itself:

"This guy writes almost like a professional, Everything is well thought out and the pacing is perfect..." ~ Manic_design

"Quite an interesting far post-war story..." ~ Crematoria

"This really is an excellent story, I love Silvia and Carter." ~ xacual

"Just read all the parts, and I have to say I'm hooked to this." ~ jamfat1

So that's about it! I'll leave the synopsis down below, and leave a link to the fiction here. I hope you enjoy The Steel Harvest! Join me, won't you?

Synopsis:
Hundreds of years after humanity was nearly wiped from existence, the world has finally come back from the brink. The lower and middle classes of society have erected towns and cities across the Northern Lands, while the upper class lives in seclusion on top of the last remnant of the old world: The Shell, a planetary exoskeleton once meant to protect the earth.

Carter is a young man, who travels from town to town as a scavenger and part-time trader. Orphaned as a boy, he goes without friends, family, or home. Instead, he puts all of himself into surviving, hoping that one day he will be able to live for more than just his next meal.

Then, one day Carter’s life is changed forever. Amidst the wreckage of a Shell Transport Carrier, he finds Silvia, a girl from The Shell. Forming an unlikely friendship, the two set off to find a way to get Silvia home. But, as the two’s bond is forged through blood and fire, Carter must face an unsettling reality: can he ever return to the solitary life of a scavenger?

Thank you for your time!

Cheers!

~ J.D. Miller

HarryT · 01-14-2016, 04:24 PM

I've had a quick look at this, and what immediately struck me was the appalling number of errors. You really need to use an editor; there's just no excuse for such things.

ScorchedEarth22 · 01-14-2016, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HarryT

I've had a quick look at this, and what immediately struck me was the appalling number of errors. You really need to use an editor; there's just no excuse for such things.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I couldn't agree more, honestly. My biggest regret with the first volume is that I didn't have access to a program with a grammar check, like MS Word. That said, I have since purchased word, and as a result a lot of grammar in later volumes has been corrected.

I have been going back and fixing errors using word with volume 1, and those edits should be up soon. However, the reality of writing/publishing two full chapters a week makes that editing process slow. It also makes getting rid of all errors very improbable, but I continue to do what I can

As to "using an editor" I'm not sure whether your referring to using a program or a live editor. Currently I use the grammar check in MW Word. If you have a different program you would like to suggest, I'd love to hear your suggestions. If you are referring to using a live editor, I'm afraid writing a free web novel means I don't have much of a budget to work with. If you know of anyone who'd be willing to work for cheap/free (i doubt it, as editing is no easy business...) I would be more than happy to get in touch with them.

With all that said, I do appreciate any and all feedback. I want to improve my story just as much as you probably hope I do. Thanks for taking the time to let me know what you think!

Cinisajoy · 01-14-2016, 06:17 PM

Hi. To be honest, grammar check in MS Word is not a good substitute for an editor. Yes, it will make every sentence correct. But it cannot determine if you used the proper word or if the sentence actually makes sense.
Now why is it so important to put up two chapters a week? Especially when you know they are not that good. That is doing you more harm than good.
Looks like I am adopting new authors again.

I didn't bother looking at your story because just from your description, it looks like it won't make much sense.

So now before I invest my time, I have a quick question. What kind of writer do you want to be?
And are you willing to listen to feedback?
MS Grammar and Spell check are more for proofreading than editing.

Cinisajoy · 01-14-2016, 06:18 PM

Also why are you just writing a free novel?

ScorchedEarth22 · 01-14-2016, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

Hi. To be honest, grammar check in MS Word is not a good substitute for an editor. Yes, it will make every sentence correct. But it cannot determine if you used the proper word or if the sentence actually makes sense.
Now why is it so important to put up two chapters a week? Especially when you know they are not that good. That is doing you more harm than good.
Looks like I am adopting new authors again.

I didn't bother looking at your story because just from your description, it looks like it won't make much sense.

So now before I invest my time, I have a quick question. What kind of writer do you want to be?
And are you willing to listen to feedback?
MS Grammar and Spell check are more for proofreading than editing.

Thank you for your feedback

I will try to answer as many of your questions as I can:

1 - Why is it so important to me to get two chapters out per week, especially when I know they aren't that great?
Well, to premise, the website my novel is posted on [Link deleted - MODERATOR] is a little bit of an anomaly. The site gets a lot of traffic, but success is usually defined by:

a. how well you write
b. how fast you can get new content out
c. how interesting your topic is

All of that said, a lot of people on that site actually post daily, but two a week is about all I can manage.

Also, I really don't consider my chapters to be all that bad. The post above yours is the first to really slam the grammar (the worst I had heard before is minor errors, and from what I've seen I tend to agree with that.) Most feedback I've gotten (some of it being the quotes from the first post in this thread) has been positive.

2 - What kind of writer do I want to be?
I want to be the best writer I can be. It's my dream to write for a living one day for a long long time, and I've been writing fiction (this is my first posted work) for a little over 4 years. At the risk of sounding ignorant, I think I'm fairly good, but I also know that I have plenty of room for improvement.

3 - Am I willing to listen to feedback?
I'm more than willing to take feedback, both good and bad, and I try to apply what I learn from it whenever I can.

4 - Why do I publish online for free?
I'm assuming by that you mean instead of publishing traditionally, or self publishing. Honestly? I can't afford it

I would love to publish The Steel Harvest as both an e-book and a physical book one day, but the unfortunate truth is as greenthumb adult with a part time job and lots of schooling, I have little to no budget for publishing, editing, etc...

So there you have it. I hope this helps. Again, I greatly appreciate you taking the time to respond. If there's anything else you'd like to know, I'm more than happy to help.

P.S. I'm sorry to hear my synopsis turned you off from my fiction

any tips? When I wrote it, it was more of a vague synopsis for the entire series (I promise it has a much more cohesive plot that them just wandering around). Maybe I should go back and rethink it...

Cinisajoy · 01-14-2016, 09:43 PM

Since you answered me so honestly, I will look at your story.
I will also let you in on a little secret.
It doesn't cost anything to self-publish.
You can publish on kobo, Amazon and Smashwords free. There is no cost to you unless you sell a book, then the company takes its cut.

You want to be a good full time writer.
Here is the cinisajoy guide to self publishing.
First off, I highly recommend JA Konrath's blog.
http://jakonrath.blogspot.com
Secondly I very highly recommend Russell Blake's blog
http://russellblake.com

These are two of my favorite guys in publishing.

Since you seem a bit arrogant, I will not give you the kid glove treatment but I will be brutally honest. Heck even if you weren't so confident, I would be brutally honest.
I just looked and one of the first guys I helped out is now ranked #49 in Science Fiction at Amazon.
That is his author rating.

So read those blogs and let me know if you want my help.
Free unless you make a million dollars.

ScorchedEarth22 · 01-14-2016, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

Since you answered me so honestly, I will look at your story.
I will also let you in on a little secret.
It doesn't cost anything to self-publish.
You can publish on kobo, Amazon and Smashwords free. There is no cost to you unless you sell a book, then the company takes its cut.

You want to be a good full time writer.
Here is the cinisajoy guide to self publishing.
First off, I highly recommend JA Konrath's blog.
http://jakonrath.blogspot.com
Secondly I very highly recommend Russell Blake's blog
http://russellblake.com

These are two of my favorite guys in publishing.

Since you seem a bit arrogant, I will not give you the kid glove treatment but I will be brutally honest. Heck even if you weren't so confident, I would be brutally honest.
I just looked and one of the first guys I helped out is now ranked #49 in Science Fiction at Amazon.
That is his author rating.

So read those blogs and let me know if you want my help.
Free unless you make a million dollars.

Thanks for giving it a shot. Honestly I don't mean to come off as arrogant, but at the same time i'd rather brutal honesty any day. I'll give those blogs a look, and I would love your help, because you seem like you know what you're doing.

Cinisajoy · 01-14-2016, 10:30 PM

I will read your story tomorrow.

HarryT · 01-15-2016, 03:25 AM

I'm sure that the overwhelming majority of your readers would prefer quality over quantity. Take the time to get things right; I'm sure that you really do know, if you stop and think about it, the difference between "your" and "you're", for example.

It's not a problem not to be knowledgeable about grammar; nobody is born knowing these things. If it is an area you're weak on, though, then buy a decent grammar book and use it for reference while you're writing. It's a lot better to learn how to write grammatically-correct English yourself than to rely on tools like Word's grammar checker.

Finally, I would encourage you to consider publishing on platforms such as Amazon's Digital Publishing service. It doesn't cost anything (except your time) and most people on this forum prefer reading ebooks to reading online.

Finally, in case I'm sounding entirely negative, I should add that I did enjoy the few pages of your book that I read. It's a good story, and you obviously know how to write: you just need to work on the grammar and silly spelling mistakes.

ScorchedEarth22 · 01-15-2016, 06:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HarryT

I'm sure that the overwhelming majority of your readers would prefer quality over quantity. Take the time to get things right; I'm sure that you really do know, if you stop and think about it, the difference between "your" and "you're", for example.

It's not a problem not to be knowledgeable about grammar; nobody is born knowing these things. If it is an area you're weak on, though, then buy a decent grammar book and use it for reference while you're writing. It's a lot better to learn how to write grammatically-correct English yourself than to rely on tools like Word's grammar checker.

Finally, I would encourage you to consider publishing on platforms such as Amazon's Digital Publishing service. It doesn't cost anything (except your time) and most people on this forum prefer reading ebooks to reading online.

Finally, in case I'm sounding entirely negative, I should add that I did enjoy the few pages of your book that I read. It's a good story, and you obviously know how to write: you just need to work on the grammar and silly spelling mistakes.

Thank you for the post. I do agree, I am a little weaker when it comes to grammar, but I do think part of it is that I just write too fast. I will have to see if I can't slow down a bit.

pdurrant · 01-15-2016, 10:25 AM

Just for fun, a critique of your first five paragraphs. I was really thrown by your cutesy use of 'The fall'/'fell' in the first sentence. After that I just commented on anything that seemed odd or wrong to me in a quick read-through.

"The fall always fell quickly in the Northern Lands, especially in the east. The ocean winds would blow inland, sending deer into a frenzy to escape the hunters as winter began to creep up on the unsuspecting countryside. Still, it was always a few weeks before any real hunting began; most of the hunters in the east were farmers, and would spend their days harvesting the crops they had tended to all summer long."

The fall/fell first sentence is too cutsy. The fall doesn't fall. Leaves fall, but the fall comes in.

Deer don't go into a frenzy to escape hunters. Which is clear in your next sentence, as the hunters aren't hunting yet.

The fall fell quickly, but winter is creeping?

"Still, the Northern Lands were hosting fewer and fewer farmers in recent years. The Church was growing in both size and power, and with their new-found popularity came their impressive new techniques. Now, what had taken ten farmers to grow could be managed on a single plot of land. Prices on produce were at an all-time low, causing much fanfare towards God and his servants. After all, this was a modern-day miracle to most people, even if it spelled ruin for most of the farmers in the region."

You are overly fond of "Still".

Surely their new techniques caused their popularity?

'what had taken ten farmers to grow could be managed on a single plot of land' - are you talking about labour or land area or both - best to make this clear.

'much fanfare towards'? I don't think that works.

"So, as the number of farmers in each town began to dip into the single digits, ex-farmhands and landowners alike packed up and set off to find their fortune. Some made the simple switch from raising crops to ranching animals in their now-barren fields, but that still only accounted for half of the now-jobless workforce. The future looked bleak, but the people who called the Northern Lands home were resilient. They were determined to make back their fortunes any way they could. So when riches began falling from the sky, the future began to brighten."

Their fields aren't barren - they just can't compete economically with the new producers.

Have you considered that in a pre-industrial society, at least 90% of the population will be working the land to grow food? That's a lot of people suddenly unemployed. I think the dislocation in your society may be greater than you think if the number needed in agriculture drops from 90% to 9% in a few years.

"One only had to look up to realize how to secure their future. High above the planet's surface, resting on inconceivably large pillars, was The Shell. Formed in several hundred-dozen polygonal structures and connected by bridge-like arches, The Shell was a planetary exoskeleton built long before the great war. Its purpose had been two-fold; each polygonal structure housed a generator, which when combined with the others powered a massive energy shield that protected the earth from possible meteor strikes. At the same time, the exoskeleton had been brokered in chunks to the world's wealthiest and most powerful."

Just look up? But The Shell has been there for centuries.

"Formed in" - 'Formed of'

"several hundred-dozen" - Unless you're going to justify this on the basis of a planetary duo-decimal numbering system, just use 'thousands'.

"the exoskeleton had been brokered in chunks to the world's wealthiest and most powerful" - I just don't understand what this means at all, especially as one of two purposes.

"Still, that was all before The Great War, and the nuclear holocaust that had sent the world back to the stone ages. Everyone who lived below on the surface knew The Shell was home to humans far wealthier and wiser than they. It wasn't that the two groups hated each other, but each knew so little of the other that they might as well had been different species. So it was only natural that when ships crashed from above, scavengers would come running."

'Still' - cough.

'Great War' - consistent capitalisation, please. Earlier it was 'great war'.

'stone ages' - both Paleolithic and Neolithic? I think you mean stone age. But do you really? Did they really lose all forms of metalworking?

The two groups didn't hate each other? When the desperate survivors below knew that the people above were still living in luxury, but not helping them in their desperate plight? I find that very unlikely.

So the new feature is crashing ships? Perhaps that detail should come a little earlier, and fill in where they're from later?

Good luck.

Cinisajoy · 01-15-2016, 11:51 AM

Paul did wonderful. Now I will do the same with that first paragraph.
The fall always fell quickly in the Northern Lands, especially in the east. The ocean winds would blow inland, sending deer into a frenzy to escape the hunters as winter began to creep up on the unsuspecting countryside. Still, it was always a few weeks before any real hunting began; most of the hunters in the east were farmers, and would spend their days harvesting the crops they had tended to all summer long."

You jumped from fall to winter. Left me confused.
In your first sentence do you mean fall arrives quickly or fall leaves quickly.
The second sentence shows you know very little about deer or hunting.
Now how is a countryside unsuspecting?

In all honesty, it looks like something just thrown together at the last minute.

To be an actual novel, it needs a lot of work. I think the reason you haven't gotten many criticisms is because your audience is doing the same thing you are. Writing fast and not thinking about the quality.

My best advice is get away from the Web novel and focus on actually writing a book. Do not just publish something because it is Tuesday, Friday or a random Monday.

I think just from the opening, you might do good but it needs to be clearer to be an actual book.
I will read more later.

HarryT · 01-15-2016, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

I think just from the opening, you might do good but it needs to be clearer to be an actual book.
I will read more later.

You mean "do well", not "do good". Doing good means performing good deeds

.

Cinisajoy · 01-15-2016, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HarryT

You mean "do well", not "do good". Doing good means performing good deeds

.

Here either would be correct. You can do good or bad at any skill.
Doing well means you are very financially stable.

So I think he can do good with his writing. He just needs to quit rushing and make sure his paragraphs make sense.

To the OP,
By the time the three of us get done with you, you will know proper English on both sides of the pond.

01-13-2016, 11:16 PM	#1
ScorchedEarth22 Junior Member Posts: 9 Karma: 10 Join Date: Jan 2016 Device: none	The Steel Harvest: A Web Novel Series by J.D. Miller Hello Mobileread! My name is J.D. Miller, author of The Steel Harvest! TSH is a web novel fiction with new chapters published twice a week. Each chapter is full-length, with each eight chapters per volume, essentially leading to one light novel a month. It is an ambitious endeavor, but so far it's full steam ahead! Volume 1 of TSH is available in it's entirety, with volume 2 nearly complete. The response from readers speaks for itself: "This guy writes almost like a professional, Everything is well thought out and the pacing is perfect..." ~ Manic_design "Quite an interesting far post-war story..." ~ Crematoria "This really is an excellent story, I love Silvia and Carter." ~ xacual "Just read all the parts, and I have to say I'm hooked to this." ~ jamfat1 So that's about it! I'll leave the synopsis down below, and leave a link to the fiction here. I hope you enjoy The Steel Harvest! Join me, won't you? Synopsis: Hundreds of years after humanity was nearly wiped from existence, the world has finally come back from the brink. The lower and middle classes of society have erected towns and cities across the Northern Lands, while the upper class lives in seclusion on top of the last remnant of the old world: The Shell, a planetary exoskeleton once meant to protect the earth. Carter is a young man, who travels from town to town as a scavenger and part-time trader. Orphaned as a boy, he goes without friends, family, or home. Instead, he puts all of himself into surviving, hoping that one day he will be able to live for more than just his next meal. Then, one day Carter’s life is changed forever. Amidst the wreckage of a Shell Transport Carrier, he finds Silvia, a girl from The Shell. Forming an unlikely friendship, the two set off to find a way to get Silvia home. But, as the two’s bond is forged through blood and fire, Carter must face an unsettling reality: can he ever return to the solitary life of a scavenger? Thank you for your time! Cheers! ~ J.D. Miller

01-15-2016, 03:25 AM	#10
HarryT eBook Enthusiast Posts: 85,544 Karma: 93383043 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis 2, iPad Pro 10.5", iPhone 6	I'm sure that the overwhelming majority of your readers would prefer quality over quantity. Take the time to get things right; I'm sure that you really do know, if you stop and think about it, the difference between "your" and "you're", for example. It's not a problem not to be knowledgeable about grammar; nobody is born knowing these things. If it is an area you're weak on, though, then buy a decent grammar book and use it for reference while you're writing. It's a lot better to learn how to write grammatically-correct English yourself than to rely on tools like Word's grammar checker. Finally, I would encourage you to consider publishing on platforms such as Amazon's Digital Publishing service. It doesn't cost anything (except your time) and most people on this forum prefer reading ebooks to reading online. Finally, in case I'm sounding entirely negative, I should add that I did enjoy the few pages of your book that I read. It's a good story, and you obviously know how to write: you just need to work on the grammar and silly spelling mistakes. Last edited by HarryT; 01-15-2016 at 04:05 AM.

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01-14-2016, 04:24 PM	#2
HarryT eBook Enthusiast Posts: 85,544 Karma: 93383043 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis 2, iPad Pro 10.5", iPhone 6	I've had a quick look at this, and what immediately struck me was the appalling number of errors. You really need to use an editor; there's just no excuse for such things.

01-14-2016, 06:17 PM	#4
Cinisajoy Just a Yellow Smiley. Posts: 19,161 Karma: 83862859 Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: Texas Device: K4, K5, fire, kobo, galaxy	Hi. To be honest, grammar check in MS Word is not a good substitute for an editor. Yes, it will make every sentence correct. But it cannot determine if you used the proper word or if the sentence actually makes sense. Now why is it so important to put up two chapters a week? Especially when you know they are not that good. That is doing you more harm than good. Looks like I am adopting new authors again. I didn't bother looking at your story because just from your description, it looks like it won't make much sense. So now before I invest my time, I have a quick question. What kind of writer do you want to be? And are you willing to listen to feedback? MS Grammar and Spell check are more for proofreading than editing.

01-14-2016, 06:18 PM	#5
Cinisajoy Just a Yellow Smiley. Posts: 19,161 Karma: 83862859 Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: Texas Device: K4, K5, fire, kobo, galaxy	Also why are you just writing a free novel?

01-14-2016, 09:43 PM	#7
Cinisajoy Just a Yellow Smiley. Posts: 19,161 Karma: 83862859 Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: Texas Device: K4, K5, fire, kobo, galaxy	Since you answered me so honestly, I will look at your story. I will also let you in on a little secret. It doesn't cost anything to self-publish. You can publish on kobo, Amazon and Smashwords free. There is no cost to you unless you sell a book, then the company takes its cut. You want to be a good full time writer. Here is the cinisajoy guide to self publishing. First off, I highly recommend JA Konrath's blog. http://jakonrath.blogspot.com Secondly I very highly recommend Russell Blake's blog http://russellblake.com These are two of my favorite guys in publishing. Since you seem a bit arrogant, I will not give you the kid glove treatment but I will be brutally honest. Heck even if you weren't so confident, I would be brutally honest. I just looked and one of the first guys I helped out is now ranked #49 in Science Fiction at Amazon. That is his author rating. So read those blogs and let me know if you want my help. Free unless you make a million dollars.

01-14-2016, 10:30 PM	#9
Cinisajoy Just a Yellow Smiley. Posts: 19,161 Karma: 83862859 Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: Texas Device: K4, K5, fire, kobo, galaxy	I will read your story tomorrow.

01-15-2016, 10:25 AM	#12
pdurrant The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠 Posts: 71,507 Karma: 306214458 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Norfolk, England Device: Kindle Voyage	Just for fun, a critique of your first five paragraphs. I was really thrown by your cutesy use of 'The fall'/'fell' in the first sentence. After that I just commented on anything that seemed odd or wrong to me in a quick read-through. "The fall always fell quickly in the Northern Lands, especially in the east. The ocean winds would blow inland, sending deer into a frenzy to escape the hunters as winter began to creep up on the unsuspecting countryside. Still, it was always a few weeks before any real hunting began; most of the hunters in the east were farmers, and would spend their days harvesting the crops they had tended to all summer long." The fall/fell first sentence is too cutsy. The fall doesn't fall. Leaves fall, but the fall comes in. Deer don't go into a frenzy to escape hunters. Which is clear in your next sentence, as the hunters aren't hunting yet. The fall fell quickly, but winter is creeping? "Still, the Northern Lands were hosting fewer and fewer farmers in recent years. The Church was growing in both size and power, and with their new-found popularity came their impressive new techniques. Now, what had taken ten farmers to grow could be managed on a single plot of land. Prices on produce were at an all-time low, causing much fanfare towards God and his servants. After all, this was a modern-day miracle to most people, even if it spelled ruin for most of the farmers in the region." You are overly fond of "Still". Surely their new techniques caused their popularity? 'what had taken ten farmers to grow could be managed on a single plot of land' - are you talking about labour or land area or both - best to make this clear. 'much fanfare towards'? I don't think that works. "So, as the number of farmers in each town began to dip into the single digits, ex-farmhands and landowners alike packed up and set off to find their fortune. Some made the simple switch from raising crops to ranching animals in their now-barren fields, but that still only accounted for half of the now-jobless workforce. The future looked bleak, but the people who called the Northern Lands home were resilient. They were determined to make back their fortunes any way they could. So when riches began falling from the sky, the future began to brighten." Their fields aren't barren - they just can't compete economically with the new producers. Have you considered that in a pre-industrial society, at least 90% of the population will be working the land to grow food? That's a lot of people suddenly unemployed. I think the dislocation in your society may be greater than you think if the number needed in agriculture drops from 90% to 9% in a few years. "One only had to look up to realize how to secure their future. High above the planet's surface, resting on inconceivably large pillars, was The Shell. Formed in several hundred-dozen polygonal structures and connected by bridge-like arches, The Shell was a planetary exoskeleton built long before the great war. Its purpose had been two-fold; each polygonal structure housed a generator, which when combined with the others powered a massive energy shield that protected the earth from possible meteor strikes. At the same time, the exoskeleton had been brokered in chunks to the world's wealthiest and most powerful." Just look up? But The Shell has been there for centuries. "Formed in" - 'Formed of' "several hundred-dozen" - Unless you're going to justify this on the basis of a planetary duo-decimal numbering system, just use 'thousands'. "the exoskeleton had been brokered in chunks to the world's wealthiest and most powerful" - I just don't understand what this means at all, especially as one of two purposes. "Still, that was all before The Great War, and the nuclear holocaust that had sent the world back to the stone ages. Everyone who lived below on the surface knew The Shell was home to humans far wealthier and wiser than they. It wasn't that the two groups hated each other, but each knew so little of the other that they might as well had been different species. So it was only natural that when ships crashed from above, scavengers would come running." 'Still' - cough. 'Great War' - consistent capitalisation, please. Earlier it was 'great war'. 'stone ages' - both Paleolithic and Neolithic? I think you mean stone age. But do you really? Did they really lose all forms of metalworking? The two groups didn't hate each other? When the desperate survivors below knew that the people above were still living in luxury, but not helping them in their desperate plight? I find that very unlikely. So the new feature is crashing ships? Perhaps that detail should come a little earlier, and fill in where they're from later? Good luck.

01-15-2016, 11:51 AM	#13
Cinisajoy Just a Yellow Smiley. Posts: 19,161 Karma: 83862859 Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: Texas Device: K4, K5, fire, kobo, galaxy	Paul did wonderful. Now I will do the same with that first paragraph. The fall always fell quickly in the Northern Lands, especially in the east. The ocean winds would blow inland, sending deer into a frenzy to escape the hunters as winter began to creep up on the unsuspecting countryside. Still, it was always a few weeks before any real hunting began; most of the hunters in the east were farmers, and would spend their days harvesting the crops they had tended to all summer long." You jumped from fall to winter. Left me confused. In your first sentence do you mean fall arrives quickly or fall leaves quickly. The second sentence shows you know very little about deer or hunting. Now how is a countryside unsuspecting? In all honesty, it looks like something just thrown together at the last minute. To be an actual novel, it needs a lot of work. I think the reason you haven't gotten many criticisms is because your audience is doing the same thing you are. Writing fast and not thinking about the quality. My best advice is get away from the Web novel and focus on actually writing a book. Do not just publish something because it is Tuesday, Friday or a random Monday. I think just from the opening, you might do good but it needs to be clearer to be an actual book. I will read more later.