05-29-2018, 06:05 PM | #16 |
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You're right, and my guess was right that I'm just too polite to tell someone to shut up and leave me alone. And no matter how nicely you word it and sugar-coat it, that's basically what you're telling them and that's pretty much what they'll hear. I'm just not capable of being that insensitive and rude even to a stranger. So I end up being miserable for 2 hours instead of them.
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05-29-2018, 06:28 PM | #17 |
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I have no control over what someone else hears, only what I say. I feel no responsibility or remorse for someone taking offense where I intended no offense.
"It's been a pleasure meeting you, but I really must get back to my reading now. I enjoy it so much, but find less and less time for it these days. You understand, right?" |
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05-29-2018, 07:37 PM | #18 |
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"I'm sorry, but I'm in the middle of a book I need to finish, and my time on this plane/bus/train is going to be just enough for me to do that."
There is nothing rude or insensitive there. I agree that non-readers do not understand what reading can mean to us. Any more than we understand the "I don't read..." person. If I had to spend regular time on a plane etc. I would carry and use earbuds for travel times of 30 minutes or more. |
05-29-2018, 08:21 PM | #19 | |
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05-29-2018, 08:24 PM | #20 |
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This is why I almost always have my headphones on when out, and most especially at airports and on planes to block annoyances at the airport and to avoid getting involved in any conversations with strangers on planes.
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05-29-2018, 11:54 PM | #21 |
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I have run into a few people in waiting-room type situations who apparently had no ability to self-entertain and would ignore all signals and keep talking to anyone nearby because they just can't seem to help themselves. Sort of a toddler-like lack of self-control. I don't know if politely telling such a person "Please leave me alone and let me read my book" would do any good.
I know there is some percentage of people (like the character Sheldon on the sitcom "The Big Bang Theory") who truly do have trouble "reading" other people and would probably respond best to a direct request. However, I believe the majority of adults are capable of recognizing that if someone barely responds to any attempts at conversation, keeps looking away, checking their watch, reading a book, looking at TV, whatever (basically doing anything but actively engaging in conversation) then this person is NOT interested in having a conversation. |
05-30-2018, 10:26 AM | #22 | |
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Polite conversations here and there are perfectly fine, even welcome, and even when they interrupt my reading. I'm not the curmudgeonly and unfriendly type that glowers at anyone making contact when I'm in public, if my posts were coming across as that. |
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05-30-2018, 11:07 AM | #23 | |
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05-30-2018, 11:16 AM | #24 |
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Those types are so uncommon (in my life experience) that it never occurred to me that's what you were talking about. I agree there's not much to be done, there.
But that's neither here nor there when it comes to being straight-up with most "normal" people, or resorting to the signs/signals and non-verbal communication that others are referring to. Signals are too easy to misinterpret; and I don't like to be misinterpreted. I also wouldn't consider putting headphones/earbuds on just to keep from having to interact with the humans around me--strangers or otherwise. If there's one thing I like more than books, it's people! Makes sense, I guess, since it's the characters/dialogue I enjoy most in books, as opposed to the narrative bits. |
05-30-2018, 12:07 PM | #25 | |
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Although my opinion may be biased due to living in a backyardless house full of people. I don't have a private venue to go to where I can reasonably expect no one to try to converse with me (and it's rude to ignore one's family). If I couldn't expect to be left mostly alone when walking through the local park or going to the library, I'd probably go bonkers. |
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05-30-2018, 01:23 PM | #26 | |
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Usually I can get a pretty good sense if somebody is open to conversation just from their body language - are they are looking around with a smile at the other people nearby, or are they staring straight ahead as if they have blinders on, obviously avoiding eye contact? - you get the idea. I wouldn't attempt to start a conversation f you were obviously reading, listening to music, doing homework for school, etc. Some of this is probably regional. I live in the southeastern US where people are generally friendly and will say hi to strangers. |
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05-30-2018, 01:35 PM | #27 | |
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05-30-2018, 02:34 PM | #28 |
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Even my house was full with 4 kids and a husband, I could go to our bedroom and shut the door when I needed privacy. I remember sitting in the basement by the washer and dryer also, since the kids wouldn't follow me down there.
Needing alone time isn't rude. |
05-30-2018, 02:56 PM | #29 |
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I have one friend who kept a portion of his walk-in closet free of clothes. He would go in there for some quiet time and be hidden behind racks of clothes. With 5 kids it was the only place he could get away. The clothes also helped mute everything which was a bonus.
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05-30-2018, 05:33 PM | #30 |
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I am hard of hearing and I wear hearing aids, I just mute my hearing aids and I hear nothing that is happening around me.
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