Silliness A Duck, armadillo, cat, Panda etc walk into a bar!

jerryleejr · 07-20-2008, 01:09 AM

For those members that shall remain nameless

to keep the peace and prevent the green skinned Moderators from accusing them of Off TOPIC or worse Thread Hijacking behavior, I will start this tread so when the urgent to stray off the beaten path in a thread may strike just bring it on over to the Bar! Of course remembering to quote the original comment so we can stay on topic in the Off topic sense! As an example, Just respond in the original thread with maybe Headed to the Bar, Going for a drink whatever But if it gets to confusing or is to much effort Please feel free to close the Bar and continue as normal!

JJ

desertgrandma · 07-20-2008, 01:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerryleejr

For those members that shall remain nameless

to keep the peace and prevent the green skinned Moderators from accusing them of Off TOPIC or worse Thread Hijacking behavior, I will start this tread so when the urgent to stray off the beaten path in a thread may strike just bring it on over to the Bar! Of course remembering to quote the original comment so we can stay on topic in the Off topic sense! As an example, Just respond in the original thread with maybe Headed to the Bar, Going for a drink whatever But if it gets to confusing or is to much effort Please feel free to close the Bar and continue as normal!

JJ

"Green skinned moderators" snork snort!

desertgrandma · 07-20-2008, 01:33 AM

Has it been an extremely slow night on the board? I"m not seeing many posts at all...and what happened to your avatar? He looks pale........

Madam Broshkina · 07-20-2008, 01:38 AM

... A panda bear walks into a bar, sits on a stool and starts munching on some peanuts. He finishes the bowl and pulls out a gun. He shoots the guy sitting beside him and starts to make for the door.
"Why'd you do that?!?" the bartender asks, stunned.
"Look 'panda' up in the encyclopedia." the bear answers as he walks out the door and starts down the street.
Puzzled, the bartender shakes his head and goes back to work.
Later that night when the bartender gets home he looks in his encyclopedia and is startled by what he sees:

"Panda - A wild animal that eats shoots and leaves"

desertgrandma · 07-20-2008, 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Madam Broshkina

... A panda bear walks into a bar, sits on a stool and starts munching on some peanuts. He finishes the bowl and pulls out a gun. He shoots the guy sitting beside him and starts to make for the door.
"Why'd you do that?!?" the bartender asks, stunned.
"Look 'panda' up in the encyclopedia." the bear answers as he walks out the door and starts down the street.
Puzzled, the bartender shakes his head and goes back to work.
Later that night when the bartender gets home he looks in his encyclopedia and is startled by what he sees:

"Panda - A wild animal that eats shoots and leaves"

Hillarious!

desertgrandma · 07-20-2008, 01:55 AM

So, a duck walked into a bar, and asked the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender replied, "No, this isn't a grocery store, get the hell out of here!" So, the duck came back the next day, and asked the bartender "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender said "No, I told you before, this isn't a grocery store, and I don't have any grapes, now leave!" So the duck came back the next day, and asked the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The angry bartender said, "NO! And if you come back and ask me that again, I will nail your butt to the wall! Now leave!" So, the duck came back the next day, and asked the bartender, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender, puzzled, said, "No, why?" The duck said, "In that case, do you have any grapes?"

all together now......

Madam Broshkina · 07-20-2008, 01:59 AM

Armadillo joke

Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Answer: To prove to the armadillo that it CAN be done.

jerryleejr · 07-20-2008, 02:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by desertgrandma

Has it been an extremely slow night on the board? I"m not seeing many posts at all...and what happened to your avatar? He looks pale........

Is that Better?? I attached the Original file for your viewing Pleasure, Wonder how long before the Duck sees it!

JJ

jerryleejr · 07-20-2008, 02:43 AM

Just Checking! Must be Safe...

So here a couple I like.

A duck walks into a bar and says to the bar tender "I'll have a beer".
The bartender says "Hey! where did you come from?"
The duck says "I'm working the construction site across the street".
And the bartender says, "Well why are you working construction when you could be making millions in the circus?"
And the duck said "What would the circus want with a brick laying duck?"

What do you call a cat that swallows a duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
(Wonder who this could be??)

Two monsters went duck-hunting with their dogs but without success. "I know what we're doing wrong," said the first one. "What's that then?" asked the second. "We're not throwing the dogs high enough!"

And of course I saved the best for last!
Three guys died in an accident and went to heaven. When they got there, St. Peter said, "We only have one rule in heaven. Don't step on the ducks!"

So they entered heaven and sure enough, there were ducks all over the place. It was almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they tried their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally stepped on one.

Along came St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chained them together and said, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman".

The next day, the second guy stepped accidentally on a duck and along came St. Peter, who didn't miss a thing, and with him was another extremely ugly woman. He chained them together with the same admonishment as the first.

The third guy had observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, was very careful where he stepped. He managed to go for months without stepping on any duck. But one day, St. Peter came up to him with the most gorgeous woman he had ever laid eyes on. St. Peter chained them together without saying a word.

The guy remarked, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity"?

She replied, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck"!

zelda_pinwheel · 07-20-2008, 06:51 AM

one of my favorite jokes :

what's the difference between a duck ?

(pfff... hahahahaha !!!!!)

jerryleejr · 07-20-2008, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

one of my favorite jokes :

what's the difference between a duck ?

(pfff... hahahahaha !!!!!)

Waiting.... Waiting... Still waiting... Oh now I get it! ha ha ha ha (No, I was just being nice, I dont get it)

MickeyC · 07-20-2008, 08:44 AM

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three pints of Guinness. The publican draws the three and sets them on the table in front of the Irishman who proceeds to down them one after the other.

This goes on for several nights. Then, one evening, when the Irishman walks in and again orders three pints, the publican says, "Look mate, I can draw you one pint at a time then each will be fresh with a proper head for you"

At first the Irishman is confused but then gets it and says, "No, you see it's me two brothers. We made a solemn vow that, we we separated; you see one went to America and one went to Australia while I stayed here in Ireland. Anyway, we vowed that each night we'd all drink a symbolic pint together"

"Ah", sighed the publican, "That's lovely and so it is. And, sir, I'll be drawing your three pints for you straight away"

This goes on for several months. Then one night the Irishman comes in and, to the publican's shock, only orders two pints. The publican sadly brings the two pints to the table then says, "Sir, let me be the first to offer my condolences over the death of one of your brothers"

The Irishman is confused over this then gets it and says"Oh no, you don't understand. Me brothers are both fine; I just quit drinking meself"

zelda_pinwheel · 07-20-2008, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerryleejr

Waiting.... Waiting... Still waiting... Oh now I get it! ha ha ha ha (No, I was just being nice, I dont get it)

well, that's sort of the point ; it's completely absurd. i think it's hilarious. but i've been told i have a strange sense of humour. it's actually originally from a sketch by Coluche, a brilliant french comedian.

Q : how many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A : fish.

heeheehee !!!

vivaldirules · 07-20-2008, 09:00 AM

A Frenchman walks into a bar. He has a parrot on his shoulder, and the parrot is a wearing a baseball cap. The bartender says, "Hey, that's neat - where did you get that?" And the parrot says, "France - they've got millions of them there."

zelda_pinwheel · 07-20-2008, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vivaldirules

A Frenchman walks into a bar. He has a parrot on his shoulder, and the parrot is a wearing a baseball cap. The bartender says, "Hey, that's neat - where did you get that?" And the parrot says, "France - they've got millions of them there."

pfff hahahaha !!!!

07-20-2008, 01:09 AM	#1
jerryleejr Koby-rific! Posts: 941 Karma: 191112 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: 2' From My MacBook Pro Device: Kobo Sage,Kobo Aura One, Glo HD,PRS-T1,PRS-950, PRS 300, PRS 350	A Duck, armadillo, cat, Panda etc walk into a bar! For those members that shall remain nameless to keep the peace and prevent the green skinned Moderators from accusing them of Off TOPIC or worse Thread Hijacking behavior, I will start this tread so when the urgent to stray off the beaten path in a thread may strike just bring it on over to the Bar! Of course remembering to quote the original comment so we can stay on topic in the Off topic sense! As an example, Just respond in the original thread with maybe Headed to the Bar, Going for a drink whatever But if it gets to confusing or is to much effort Please feel free to close the Bar and continue as normal! JJ Last edited by jerryleejr; 07-20-2008 at 01:14 AM.

07-20-2008, 01:55 AM	#6
desertgrandma Enjoying the show.... Posts: 14,270 Karma: 10462841 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Arizona Device: A K1, Kindle Paperwhite, an Ipod, IPad2, Iphone, an Ipad Mini & macAir	Duck Joke So, a duck walked into a bar, and asked the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender replied, "No, this isn't a grocery store, get the hell out of here!" So, the duck came back the next day, and asked the bartender "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender said "No, I told you before, this isn't a grocery store, and I don't have any grapes, now leave!" So the duck came back the next day, and asked the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The angry bartender said, "NO! And if you come back and ask me that again, I will nail your butt to the wall! Now leave!" So, the duck came back the next day, and asked the bartender, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender, puzzled, said, "No, why?" The duck said, "In that case, do you have any grapes?" all together now......

07-20-2008, 02:43 AM	#9
jerryleejr Koby-rific! Posts: 941 Karma: 191112 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: 2' From My MacBook Pro Device: Kobo Sage,Kobo Aura One, Glo HD,PRS-T1,PRS-950, PRS 300, PRS 350	Hey Duck! Just Checking! Must be Safe... So here a couple I like. A duck walks into a bar and says to the bar tender "I'll have a beer". The bartender says "Hey! where did you come from?" The duck says "I'm working the construction site across the street". And the bartender says, "Well why are you working construction when you could be making millions in the circus?" And the duck said "What would the circus want with a brick laying duck?" What do you call a cat that swallows a duck? A duck-filled-fatty-pus (Wonder who this could be??) Two monsters went duck-hunting with their dogs but without success. "I know what we're doing wrong," said the first one. "What's that then?" asked the second. "We're not throwing the dogs high enough!" And of course I saved the best for last! Three guys died in an accident and went to heaven. When they got there, St. Peter said, "We only have one rule in heaven. Don't step on the ducks!" So they entered heaven and sure enough, there were ducks all over the place. It was almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they tried their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally stepped on one. Along came St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chained them together and said, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman". The next day, the second guy stepped accidentally on a duck and along came St. Peter, who didn't miss a thing, and with him was another extremely ugly woman. He chained them together with the same admonishment as the first. The third guy had observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, was very careful where he stepped. He managed to go for months without stepping on any duck. But one day, St. Peter came up to him with the most gorgeous woman he had ever laid eyes on. St. Peter chained them together without saying a word. The guy remarked, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity"? She replied, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck"! Last edited by jerryleejr; 07-20-2008 at 03:28 AM.

07-20-2008, 08:44 AM	#12
MickeyC Grand Sorcerer Posts: 16,732 Karma: 12185114 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Florida Device: iPhone 6 plus, Sony T1, iPad 3	An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three pints of Guinness. The publican draws the three and sets them on the table in front of the Irishman who proceeds to down them one after the other. This goes on for several nights. Then, one evening, when the Irishman walks in and again orders three pints, the publican says, "Look mate, I can draw you one pint at a time then each will be fresh with a proper head for you" At first the Irishman is confused but then gets it and says, "No, you see it's me two brothers. We made a solemn vow that, we we separated; you see one went to America and one went to Australia while I stayed here in Ireland. Anyway, we vowed that each night we'd all drink a symbolic pint together" "Ah", sighed the publican, "That's lovely and so it is. And, sir, I'll be drawing your three pints for you straight away" This goes on for several months. Then one night the Irishman comes in and, to the publican's shock, only orders two pints. The publican sadly brings the two pints to the table then says, "Sir, let me be the first to offer my condolences over the death of one of your brothers" The Irishman is confused over this then gets it and says"Oh no, you don't understand. Me brothers are both fine; I just quit drinking meself" Last edited by MickeyC; 07-20-2008 at 08:46 AM.

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07-20-2008, 01:33 AM	#3
desertgrandma Enjoying the show.... Posts: 14,270 Karma: 10462841 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Arizona Device: A K1, Kindle Paperwhite, an Ipod, IPad2, Iphone, an Ipad Mini & macAir	Has it been an extremely slow night on the board? I"m not seeing many posts at all...and what happened to your avatar? He looks pale........

07-20-2008, 01:38 AM	#4
Madam Broshkina Manic Do Fuse Posts: 2,312 Karma: 3325462 Join Date: Oct 2006 Device: Sony 500, 505, 350, Kindle 3, DXG, nook, Irex DR800SG, iPad	... A panda bear walks into a bar, sits on a stool and starts munching on some peanuts. He finishes the bowl and pulls out a gun. He shoots the guy sitting beside him and starts to make for the door. "Why'd you do that?!?" the bartender asks, stunned. "Look 'panda' up in the encyclopedia." the bear answers as he walks out the door and starts down the street. Puzzled, the bartender shakes his head and goes back to work. Later that night when the bartender gets home he looks in his encyclopedia and is startled by what he sees: "Panda - A wild animal that eats shoots and leaves"

07-20-2008, 01:59 AM	#7
Madam Broshkina Manic Do Fuse Posts: 2,312 Karma: 3325462 Join Date: Oct 2006 Device: Sony 500, 505, 350, Kindle 3, DXG, nook, Irex DR800SG, iPad	Armadillo joke Question: Why did the chicken cross the road? Answer: To prove to the armadillo that it CAN be done.

07-20-2008, 06:51 AM	#10
zelda_pinwheel zeldinha zippy zeldissima Posts: 27,827 Karma: 921169 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Paris, France Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?	one of my favorite jokes : what's the difference between a duck ? (pfff... hahahahaha !!!!!)

07-20-2008, 09:00 AM	#14
vivaldirules When's Doughnut Day? Posts: 10,059 Karma: 13675475 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Houston, TX, US Device: Sony PRS-505, iPad	A Frenchman walks into a bar. He has a parrot on his shoulder, and the parrot is a wearing a baseball cap. The bartender says, "Hey, that's neat - where did you get that?" And the parrot says, "France - they've got millions of them there."

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