Register Guidelines E-Books Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   MobileRead Forums > E-Book General > Writers' Corner

Notices

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-27-2018, 03:26 PM   #256
Gregg Bell
Gregg Bell
Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Gregg Bell's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,255
Karma: 3917588
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Itasca, Illinois
Device: Kindle Touch 7, Sony PRS300, Fire HD8 Tablet
Thanks so much for all the feedback. There are definitely women in the critique group but I'm not sure about if there are animal rescue people. But based on what you're suggesting I'm planning on giving the book to a professional (paid) beta reader and seeing what she says.
Gregg Bell is offline  
Old 01-27-2018, 05:09 PM   #257
theducks
Well trained by Cats
theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
theducks's Avatar
 
Posts: 29,689
Karma: 54369090
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Central Coast of California
Device: Kobo Libra2,Kobo Aura2v1, K4NT(Fixed: New Bat.), Galaxy Tab A
Quote:
Originally Posted by BookCat View Post
I totally agree with Hitch and wonder if your critique group and beta readers are just being nice by telling you what you want to hear. What demographic are they?
I don't think this is just limited to Writers.
Back in my days as a engineering technician, we had 'Design reviews', where the goal was to find flaws in the design BEFORE production (or, horrors, the customer found them).
No days, you are being 'mean' or a 'non-team player' if you look for flaws or suggest improvements.

IMHO the Fukishma mess would not have happened if someone had questioned having a single, ground level, emergency cooling supply.
Rubber stamp 'approved' or be blacklisted
theducks is offline  
Old 01-27-2018, 05:24 PM   #258
Hitch
Bookmaker & Cat Slave
Hitch ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Hitch ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Hitch ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Hitch ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Hitch ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Hitch ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Hitch ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Hitch ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Hitch ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Hitch ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Hitch ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Hitch's Avatar
 
Posts: 11,447
Karma: 157030631
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Device: K2, iPad, KFire, PPW, Voyage, NookColor. 2 Droid, Oasis, Boox Note2
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregg Bell View Post
Thanks so much for all the feedback. There are definitely women in the critique group but I'm not sure about if there are animal rescue people. But based on what you're suggesting I'm planning on giving the book to a professional (paid) beta reader and seeing what she says.
Gregg:

Be VERY careful with paid Betas. Unless this person has a reputation from trade pubs that is the end-all, be-all, save your money. Most are just echo chambers, taking your money for no reason.

Use Critters and you can always send your opening chapter to Simon Haynes, who does crits. The developer of YWriter? He has a very cheap crit service. PM me if you need his contact stuff. (Do I know this Beta? What's she charging you?--If I may ask?)

Hitch

Last edited by Hitch; 01-27-2018 at 05:25 PM. Reason: Sheesh, I missed my calling! How much does she make?
Hitch is offline  
Old 01-29-2018, 02:28 PM   #259
Gregg Bell
Gregg Bell
Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Gregg Bell's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,255
Karma: 3917588
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Itasca, Illinois
Device: Kindle Touch 7, Sony PRS300, Fire HD8 Tablet
Okay. I wrote a prologue.



Lainey Tripper loved animals. It was just men that she had trouble with. Lainey knew she ought to get counseling for the abuse she and her Yorkshire Terrier, Fi-Fi, had suffered at the hands of “the man in black,” but that, she figured, would come in good time. In the meantime, there were animals that needed help, and she wasn’t one to just sit back and talk about a problem, so she founded FART (Feminist Animal Rescue Team). FART started out as a handful of feminists meeting in Lainey’s Chicago lakefront condo. They’d lobby City Hall for favorable animal rescue legislation, sponsor fundraisers for animal shelters, and take in whatever unwanted, abandoned, abused or stray animals they could in an attempt to find homes for them. The women also established a close social bond, exchanging favorite pet treats information, going to pet parks and watching animal videos together. FART was a cheerful group.

But everything changed when Donovan came onto the scene.

At first the reports in the news media were vague. But soon it became clear that animals throughout the city were systematically being abused on a massive scale by an evil man, or organization of men, called Donovan. That kicked FART into high gear. It knew if it was going to be able to counter Donovan’s evil, it would need to transform itself. Lainey led the charge. She recruited new members, organized FART into committees, began intense martial arts and weapons training, and before long FART was a fighting-ready group of one hundred of the most highly trained animal rescue feminists in the world. Some said they were even ruthless.

And to counter Donovan’s evil, they would need to be.
Gregg Bell is offline  
Old 01-29-2018, 06:11 PM   #260
skb
Evangelist
skb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.skb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.skb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.skb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.skb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.skb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.skb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.skb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.skb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.skb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.skb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
skb's Avatar
 
Posts: 401
Karma: 1597305
Join Date: Mar 2010
Device: Ipod G4, MacOS 10.12, Calibre, Pocketbook Touch HD 3
I've watched this thread with some interest (and not a little dismay).

What makes this a "humorous romp" (or whatever it's supposed to be)?
  • Women fighting (because nothing is funnier than women fighting?)
  • Feminists fighting (having mad ninja skills make them...feminists?). Why call them feminists? Aren't they just pissed off women?
  • Naming any dog "Fifi"?
  • Naming a rescue organisation "FART" (I have visions of little boys sniggering)? Seriously, I would be out right there. My eyes. They rolled.
  • Animals being "systematically abused" is a real knee slapper. If I'd made it passed "FART", I'd be gone at the abused animal bit.
Nothing cheeses me off more than a dog pile (pardon the pun) on an author. Heaven knows I'm more than a little sensitive myself (ultra sensitive).

But having said that, it seems that you're posting to get back pats and not taking on board any of the suggestions that other people have made. You've already decided that your book is funny (or dark funny...whatever). Saying it's funny does not make it so. I have seen nothing in any of the snippets to indicate that this is going to be anything other than an OTT vigilante murder-fest. I can't see that your target audience would be anything other than very conservative older men.
Of course, if that is your audience, then well played, sir!

To misquote (because I can): Writing is easy, comedy is hard.
skb is offline  
Old 01-30-2018, 06:58 AM   #261
BookCat
C L J
BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
BookCat's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,912
Karma: 21115458
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Birmingham UK
Device: Sony e-reader 505, Kindle PW2, Kindle PW3, Kobo Libra2
If I had no knowledge, other than the blurb, about the contents of this book, the first thing about the prologue which would alert me that I may not like this book is the quotation marks around “the man in black,” which indicates uncertainty about your choice of words and is bad form.

FART? Really? And I can see why skb is questioning why you're calling this group feminist. In what way do they fight for women's rights? (Here I use 'fight' in the lobbying sense.)

Quote:
The women also established a close social bond, exchanging favorite pet treats information, going to pet parks and watching animal videos together. FART was a cheerful group.
Now, reading this with No Other Knowledge of your book would make me think: that's not what animal rescue/welfare groups do. They may watch videos, but not together, and most would rarely have the time to do this (the vid I made was the easiest way I could get rehoming pictures of them - by using stills from the vid).

Quote:
At first the reports in the news media were vague. But soon it became clear that animals throughout the city were systematically being abused on a massive scale by an evil man
That's where I'd stop reading and move on to another book.

Again, you're telling us what the book is about IN YOUR MIND but this is not how the extracts have appeared to many of us.
BookCat is offline  
Old 01-30-2018, 12:06 PM   #262
Catlady
Grand Sorcerer
Catlady ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Catlady ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Catlady ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Catlady ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Catlady ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Catlady ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Catlady ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Catlady ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Catlady ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Catlady ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Catlady ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Catlady's Avatar
 
Posts: 7,341
Karma: 52398889
Join Date: Oct 2010
Device: Kindle Fire, Kindle Paperwhite, AGPTek Bluetooth Clip
Quote:
Originally Posted by BookCat View Post
Now, reading this with No Other Knowledge of your book would make me think: that's not what animal rescue/welfare groups do. They may watch videos, but not together, and most would rarely have the time to do this (the vid I made was the easiest way I could get rehoming pictures of them - by using stills from the vid).
Exactly. In the real world, some of the group's leaders might get together to work on fundraising ideas or lobbying efforts, or to set up adoption events, but sitting around discussing pet treats or park play dates? No.

It's been said already, but if you want to write about an animal rescue group or group member going off the rails, first you need to have done the research on how such a group actually operates. Then there'd be a foundation to show how the fictional group's mission has gotten perverted.
Catlady is offline  
Old 01-30-2018, 06:06 PM   #263
Gregg Bell
Gregg Bell
Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Gregg Bell's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,255
Karma: 3917588
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Itasca, Illinois
Device: Kindle Touch 7, Sony PRS300, Fire HD8 Tablet
Hey. I really appreciate all your feedback. It's been so helpful. But this thread has gone substantially off topic. "Feedback on New Cover Please." And I'm not going to be re-visiting it. Thanks.
Gregg Bell is offline  
Old 01-31-2018, 02:20 AM   #264
BookCat
C L J
BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.BookCat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
BookCat's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,912
Karma: 21115458
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Birmingham UK
Device: Sony e-reader 505, Kindle PW2, Kindle PW3, Kobo Libra2
Do you have another version of the cover? The last one was the paranormal YA version.
BookCat is offline  
Old 01-31-2018, 01:56 PM   #265
Gregg Bell
Gregg Bell
Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Gregg Bell's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,255
Karma: 3917588
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Itasca, Illinois
Device: Kindle Touch 7, Sony PRS300, Fire HD8 Tablet
Quote:
Originally Posted by BookCat View Post
Do you have another version of the cover? The last one was the paranormal YA version.
Thanks BookCat. I've decided on the cover I'm going to use. (It's not the paranormal one.) I asked you in the other thread, but in case you don't check it, I'll ask here. How do I close this thread? Thanks.
Gregg Bell is offline  
Old 01-31-2018, 02:23 PM   #266
theducks
Well trained by Cats
theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.theducks ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
theducks's Avatar
 
Posts: 29,689
Karma: 54369090
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Central Coast of California
Device: Kobo Libra2,Kobo Aura2v1, K4NT(Fixed: New Bat.), Galaxy Tab A
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregg Bell View Post
Thanks BookCat. How do I close this thread? Thanks.
Since there are no forum level Mods, ya need to ask a Greenie Mod nicely
theducks is offline  
Old 01-31-2018, 11:27 PM   #267
Gregg Bell
Gregg Bell
Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Gregg Bell's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,255
Karma: 3917588
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Itasca, Illinois
Device: Kindle Touch 7, Sony PRS300, Fire HD8 Tablet
Quote:
Originally Posted by theducks View Post
Since there are no forum level Mods, ya need to ask a Greenie Mod nicely
Thanks ducks
Gregg Bell is offline  
Old 02-01-2018, 01:02 AM   #268
pdurrant
The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠
pdurrant ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pdurrant ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pdurrant ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pdurrant ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pdurrant ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pdurrant ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pdurrant ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pdurrant ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pdurrant ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pdurrant ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pdurrant ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
pdurrant's Avatar
 
Posts: 71,406
Karma: 305065800
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Norfolk, England
Device: Kindle Voyage
Thread closed.
pdurrant is offline  
Closed Thread

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
looking for new cover feedback Gregg Bell Writers' Corner 31 09-23-2016 11:48 AM
cover feedback Gregg Bell Writers' Corner 21 07-18-2016 11:27 PM
Cover feedback please? Gregg Bell Writers' Corner 101 12-18-2015 09:01 PM
Cover Feedback AstoundingBruce Writers' Corner 11 03-08-2015 12:31 PM
cover feedback? Gregg Bell Writers' Corner 9 11-26-2013 03:52 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:09 PM.


MobileRead.com is a privately owned, operated and funded community.