iTunes Licensing Agreement and Weapons of Mass Destruction

[Madam Broshkina]

So you got your ipod and loaded iTunes on your computer. Well the first thing you may want to do is develop some weapons of mass destruction. But hold on one second. Did you read the Licensing Agreement the whole way through, or did you just click on Accept. It clearly states in Section 10 Export control that:

You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture, or production of nuclear missiles or chemical or biological weapons.

I have a Zune so I think that it may be okay for me to develop away.

Attached is a screen shot of Section 10.

[zelda_pinwheel]

curses !!! foiled again !! the only reason i installed itunes, is because i heard how well it works for developping weapons of mass destruction (i'm going to aim them at the SHUMSWRISOMKW.*)


*shrieking hordes of unwashed minions of satan who regularly invade the schoolyard outside my kitchen window, yo. keep up.

[Madam Broshkina]

Even if some unscrupulous individual dares to try and develop Weapons of Mass Destruction for their iPod these weapons will be DRM'd so they can not be shared on the dark net. Some may whine and complain but in this case I think that DRM is a good thing.

[zelda_pinwheel]

you may be right about that...

however let us not forget, in some exceptional cases, WMD can also be used for the powers of Good. for example, against the SHUMS.

my theory is that the most effective way of eradicating the SHUMS would be to turn their own weapons against them (because i really can't imagine anything more devastating than that). to that end i've made a sample recording (using the pathetically inadequate dictaphone function of my mp3 player, which is not an ipod, by holding it up to the window). i feel confident that if i only had a better recorder, the result could easily be weaponized. the sample is pretty close with no further treatment at all. in fact the chinese may already have managed it, so we'd better hurry, because you know if they have it, we better have it as well.

since you have a zune and can therefore develop away, i'm uploading my sample recording here (zipped, because mp3 is not a legal file-type for attachments, and once you've listened to this you'll understand why). best "appreciated" through headphones and with the volume on 11 to fully replicate the original in-house experience.

please take maximum precautions when manipulating the sample, as i cannot be held responsible for any mass destruction that may result.

NB : the sample is in mono, which is all my little dictaphone can manage, and this may be why it won't play in Media Player Classic (i don't actually know. i'm not a sound engineer, y'all). it will play in itunes however, lending further credence to the notion that itunes can be used for purposes of weaponisation, if you can just find a loophold in the licencing agreement.

[Madam Broshkina]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

you may be right about that...

however let us not forget, in some exceptional cases, WMD can also be used for the powers of Good. for example, against the SHUMS.

my theory is that the most effective way of eradicating the SHUMS would be to turn their own weapons against them (because i really can't imagine anything more devastating than that). to that end i've made a sample recording (using the pathetically inadequate dictaphone function of my mp3 player, which is not an ipod, by holding it up to the window). i feel confident that if i only had a better recorder, the result could easily be weaponized. the sample is pretty close with no further treatment at all. in fact the chinese may already have managed it, so we'd better hurry, because you know if they have it, we better have it as well.

since you have a zune and can therefore develop away, i'm uploading my sample recording here (zipped, because mp3 is not a legal file-type for attachments, and once you've listened to this you'll understand why). best "appreciated" through headphones and with the volume on 11 to fully replicate the original in-house experience.

please take maximum precautions when manipulating the sample, as i cannot be held responsible for any mass destruction that may result.

NB : the sample is in mono, which is all my little dictaphone can manage, and this may be why it won't play in Media Player Classic (i don't actually know. i'm not a sound engineer, y'all). it will play in itunes however, lending further credence to the notion that itunes can be used for purposes of weaponisation, if you can just find a loophold in the licencing agreement.

Well that was awesome. I even played it backwards with some startling results. Perhaps my hearing is going bad but I swear I heard someone singing "Paul is Dead Goo Goo Ga Joob" later I think I heard the secret formula for Coca-Cola. I give it two thumbs up! Forward or backwards it is going to be a massive hit. It will probably win Eurovison 2009.

[zelda_pinwheel]

sorry, actually i forgot to mention that. when you play if backwards you actually hear "Paul est mort" (these are french shums).

brilliant idea by the way, just think of the implications if we could take out the shums AND eurovision in one fell swoop !!!!

[vivaldirules]

Thank you for sharing, ZP. The melody is so moving it almost brings tears to my eyes. You are so blessed. And wasn't that Gilles Chabanat on the hurdy-gurdy in the background? Fascinating.

[zelda_pinwheel]

i know what you mean. it brings tears to my eyes on a regular basis too. sadly, you can't really appreciate the full scope from the sample. imagine those 2 minutes and 47 seconds on infinite repeat, approximately eleventy thousand times louder, and somewhat more varied. they actually were pretty calm during the 3 minutes i stood there with my arm in the air ; i suspect that possibly half of them are home sick today.

for my next sample, i'll try to record the bell that signals the changing of the shifts, when they send out a fresh batch of minions. it's quite apocalyptic.

[Madam Broshkina]

Does anyone know if I can sign up for the next Hurdy Gurdy workshop with Gilles Chabenat?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lgi2XnS84w

I think I was born to be a Hurdy Gurdler!

[zelda_pinwheel]

Madame B, from what i know of you, i suspect you would make Chabenat himself proud, if you were to become a hurdy-gurdler.

[vivaldirules]

Originally Posted by Madam Broshkina

Does anyone know if I can sign up for the next Hurdy Gurdy workshop with Gilles Chabenat?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lgi2XnS84w

I think I was born to be a Hurdy Gurdler!

You have to be a real wanker to hurdle your gurdle.

[MMascaro]

Vival

Those were not tears of joy nor of sadness. Zelda has perfected the WMD in itunes to produce tear gas via speakers.

Zelda

You are in violation of your itune agreement. you did not DRM your tear gas music.

Mark

[zelda_pinwheel]

sssssh, Mark, sheesh, i won't be able to complete my field testing if you give away my secret...

[Taylor514ce]

Oh, thanks! Now we're all on a watch list of some sort. I have a hard enough time enduring airports as it is.

[zelda_pinwheel]

it's okay, we'll just get jswolf to come in and retroactively replace all dangerous letters by asterisks.