01-17-2019, 12:46 AM | #10396 |
Still a pie
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: PieTown USA
Device: Kindle Touch, OnePlus 7 Pro
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3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire among them.
The strongest one started 1st, "watch this," He said as he flies so fast, about 100 miles/hour. After only 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth. "what happened?" they asked. "did you see that house over there?" "yes?" "well.. I killed the entire family and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? fascinating, as expected from the strongest vampire" Then the eldest one takes the next turn "watch and learn," he said as he flies even faster, about 120 miles/hour. After only 5 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth and his neck. "what happened??" they asked. "did you see that village over there?" "ye..yes?" "well.. I killed every last person on that village and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? magnificent! truly amazing, we can expect no less from the eldest one!" Finally the last turn belongs to the fastest one, "don't blink or you'll miss it" he said as he flies really fast, even faster than the other two, about 140 miles/hour. After only a mere 30 seconds, he comes back with blood all over his mouth, his neck, and his nose. "wh..what happened???" they asked. "did you see that big tree over there?" "ye..yes?!" "well.. I didn't" |
01-17-2019, 01:04 PM | #10397 |
Grand Sorcerer
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Location: Harrisburg outskirts
Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1
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Somehow I thought that was coming!
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01-18-2019, 09:06 PM | #10398 |
Handy Elephant
Posts: 1,736
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Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods
Device: Thinkpad E595, Ubuntu Mate, Huawei Mediapad 5, Bouye Likebook Plus
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Beauty pageant meme: What I lack in personality I makeup for.
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01-23-2019, 05:17 AM | #10399 |
The Couch Potato
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Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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I like all track and field events but I really get a charge out of the pole volt.
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01-31-2019, 05:04 AM | #10400 |
The Couch Potato
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Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
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01-31-2019, 06:04 PM | #10401 |
o saeclum infacetum
Posts: 20,229
Karma: 222235366
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: New England
Device: H2O, Aura One, PW5
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Patient awaking from a coma: How long have I been out?
Nurse: 72 days. Patient: Is it still January? Nurse: Yes. |
01-31-2019, 10:02 PM | #10402 |
Snoozing in the sun
Posts: 10,137
Karma: 115423645
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch
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02-04-2019, 06:05 AM | #10403 |
The Couch Potato
Posts: 34,509
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Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta
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An interim school superintendent, speaking at a city-wide PTA luncheon, assured members that he was always happy to hear from them about problems.
He told them, "You can call me day or night, at this number . . ." Suddenly there was a cry from the assistant superintendent. "Hey," he exclaimed, "that's MY number!" |
02-06-2019, 06:47 AM | #10404 |
The Couch Potato
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A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his study and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."
The psychiatrist responded, "Tell him I can't see him." |
02-07-2019, 05:33 AM | #10405 |
The Couch Potato
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Steinbeck considered writing a novel where Adam Trask became a baker. He was going to call it 'Yeast of Eden'.
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02-07-2019, 07:11 AM | #10406 |
o saeclum infacetum
Posts: 20,229
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: New England
Device: H2O, Aura One, PW5
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02-07-2019, 07:14 AM | #10407 |
o saeclum infacetum
Posts: 20,229
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: New England
Device: H2O, Aura One, PW5
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Or the one where Danny was a Mexican baker, "Tortilla Flat."
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02-12-2019, 06:54 AM | #10408 |
The Couch Potato
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Q: What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A: A sweater with big pockets. |
02-12-2019, 07:07 AM | #10409 |
The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠
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Location: Norfolk, England
Device: Kindle Voyage
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Q: What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A: A woolly jumper. |
02-13-2019, 05:11 AM | #10410 |
The Couch Potato
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A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment: shave, shampoo, manicure and haircut, he placed the boy in the chair.
Then he said, "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade. I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut'." |
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