As I Die Lying: The Worst Novel Ever Written

Scott Nicholson · 09-23-2010, 12:09 PM

It's the worst novel ever written. And it's all the fault of that evil, soul-hopping spirit that took over Richard Coldiron's head. Or maybe the other four people in there.

Richard Coldiron’s unauthorized autobiography follows his metafictional journey through a troubled childhood, where he meets his invisible friend, his other invisible friend...and then some who aren’t so friendly.

There’s Mister Milktoast, the protective punster; Little Hitler, who leers from the shadows; Loverboy, the lusty bastard; and Bookworm, who is thoughtful, introspective, and determined to solve the riddle of Richard’s disintegration into either madness or genius, and of course only makes things worse. They reside in the various rooms of his skull, a place known as the Bone House, and take turns rearranging the furniture. As Richard works on his autobiography, his minor characters struggle with their various redemptive arcs.

Richard keeps his cool despite the voices in his head, but he’s about to get a new tenant: the Insider, a malevolent soul-hopping spirit that may or may not be born from Richard’s nightmares and demands a co-writing credit and a little bit of foot-kissing dark worship.

Now Richard doesn’t know which voice to trust. The book’s been rejected 117 times. The people he loves keep turning up dead. And here comes the woman of his dreams.

----
In the style of Chuck Palahniuk, Jeff Lindsay's "Darkly Dreaming Dexter" series, and Bret Easton Ellis, but far worse than any of them, this is quite possibly the Worst Novel Ever Written.

Scott Nicholson, who put his name on Richard's book, is author of 12 other psychological and paranormal thrillers, including THE RED CHURCH and THE SKULL RING. Look for the sequel, THE TAO OF BOO, in 2011. Learn more about Scott's work at www.hauntedcomputer.com, and if you'd like him to to forward a message to Richard, email him at hauntedcomputer@yahoo.com.

jaxx6166 · 09-23-2010, 12:24 PM

Now THAT sounds like fun.

jamesread · 09-23-2010, 12:48 PM

this title belongs to mick spalding

Scott Nicholson · 03-29-2012, 05:15 PM

this book is free today for Kindle, and the cover has changed!

I wrote this book in 1996 so I don't know if anyone used the title before that!

http://www.amazon.com/As-I-Die-Lying.../dp/B0041D88TW

UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/As-I-Die-Lying-ebook/dp/B0041D88TW

I have eight other free books today, too, if you search my name or Amazon Author Central page.

Scott Nicholson · 06-11-2012, 12:56 PM

Ok, this book succeeded a little too well at being the worst book ever written. I blame the demon that possessed me while I wrote it. I redid this and retitled it with a new cover. Now called "Kiss Me or Die," its original title. Free for Kindle June 11-12.

Kiss Me or Die (formerly called As I Die Lying)
http://www.amazon.com/Kiss-Me-or-Die-ebook/dp/B0041D88TW/
In the UK Kindle: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Kiss-Me-or-D.../dp/B0041D88TW

If you're interested in the evolution of the book and its four different covers:
http://hauntedcomputer.blogspot.com/...ng-failed.html

Also free June 11-12,
Cursed! with JR Rain
http://www.amazon.com/Cursed-ebook/dp/B004CYEV1O

09-23-2010, 12:09 PM	#1
Scott Nicholson Scott Nicholson, author Posts: 363 Karma: 2029337 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Boone NC Device: Kindle	As I Die Lying: The Worst Novel Ever Written It's the worst novel ever written. And it's all the fault of that evil, soul-hopping spirit that took over Richard Coldiron's head. Or maybe the other four people in there. Richard Coldiron’s unauthorized autobiography follows his metafictional journey through a troubled childhood, where he meets his invisible friend, his other invisible friend...and then some who aren’t so friendly. There’s Mister Milktoast, the protective punster; Little Hitler, who leers from the shadows; Loverboy, the lusty bastard; and Bookworm, who is thoughtful, introspective, and determined to solve the riddle of Richard’s disintegration into either madness or genius, and of course only makes things worse. They reside in the various rooms of his skull, a place known as the Bone House, and take turns rearranging the furniture. As Richard works on his autobiography, his minor characters struggle with their various redemptive arcs. Richard keeps his cool despite the voices in his head, but he’s about to get a new tenant: the Insider, a malevolent soul-hopping spirit that may or may not be born from Richard’s nightmares and demands a co-writing credit and a little bit of foot-kissing dark worship. Now Richard doesn’t know which voice to trust. The book’s been rejected 117 times. The people he loves keep turning up dead. And here comes the woman of his dreams. ---- In the style of Chuck Palahniuk, Jeff Lindsay's "Darkly Dreaming Dexter" series, and Bret Easton Ellis, but far worse than any of them, this is quite possibly the Worst Novel Ever Written. Scott Nicholson, who put his name on Richard's book, is author of 12 other psychological and paranormal thrillers, including THE RED CHURCH and THE SKULL RING. Look for the sequel, THE TAO OF BOO, in 2011. Learn more about Scott's work at www.hauntedcomputer.com, and if you'd like him to to forward a message to Richard, email him at hauntedcomputer@yahoo.com.

03-29-2012, 05:15 PM	#4
Scott Nicholson Scott Nicholson, author Posts: 363 Karma: 2029337 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Boone NC Device: Kindle	this book is free today for Kindle, and the cover has changed! I wrote this book in 1996 so I don't know if anyone used the title before that! http://www.amazon.com/As-I-Die-Lying.../dp/B0041D88TW UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/As-I-Die-Lying-ebook/dp/B0041D88TW I have eight other free books today, too, if you search my name or Amazon Author Central page. Last edited by Scott Nicholson; 03-29-2012 at 05:22 PM.

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09-23-2010, 12:24 PM	#2
jaxx6166 Wizard Posts: 1,222 Karma: 769316 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Eternal summer Device: 350, iPad, PW	Now THAT sounds like fun.

09-23-2010, 12:48 PM	#3
jamesread Banned Posts: 59 Karma: 22 Join Date: Aug 2010 Device: none	this title belongs to mick spalding

06-11-2012, 12:56 PM	#5
Scott Nicholson Scott Nicholson, author Posts: 363 Karma: 2029337 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Boone NC Device: Kindle	Ok, this book succeeded a little too well at being the worst book ever written. I blame the demon that possessed me while I wrote it. I redid this and retitled it with a new cover. Now called "Kiss Me or Die," its original title. Free for Kindle June 11-12. Kiss Me or Die (formerly called As I Die Lying) http://www.amazon.com/Kiss-Me-or-Die-ebook/dp/B0041D88TW/ In the UK Kindle: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Kiss-Me-or-D.../dp/B0041D88TW If you're interested in the evolution of the book and its four different covers: http://hauntedcomputer.blogspot.com/...ng-failed.html Also free June 11-12, Cursed! with JR Rain http://www.amazon.com/Cursed-ebook/dp/B004CYEV1O