Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 760

drjd · 04-10-2021, 05:52 AM

A college girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for her English class and the instructions were that it had to include Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.
She was the only one who received an A+ and this is what she wrote:

"Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it."

drjd · 04-12-2021, 05:30 AM

People are choosing cremation over traditional burial. It shows that they are thinking out of the box.

drjd · 04-14-2021, 05:48 AM

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get them some snacks and drinks. As he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantle.

He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?"

She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

He turns beet red in horror and goes, "Geez, oh . . . I . . ."

She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

DNSB · 04-14-2021, 12:58 PM

An American couple are visiting Israel...

The long married couple have been travelling & seeing the sights for a few months. One day, the woman's husband suddenly collapses and dies.

At the morgue he is pronounced dead. The mortician says 'We can bury him here in Israel for $250 or cremate him for $1000.'

The wife ponders it & says: 'I'd like him cremated for $1000.'

The mortician says: 'It will be done'

So arrangements are made.

Then he asks the wife: 'Why did you go with cremation for $1000 when burying him here would have only cost $250?'

She replies: 'Well I heard that a long time ago, someone who was buried in this same place, rose from the ground 3 days after... I just couldn't take that chance'

drjd · 04-15-2021, 06:09 AM

Tim: I wish I had the money to buy an elephant.

Tom: What do you want with an elephant?

Tim: Nothing, I just want the money.

DNSB · 04-15-2021, 01:01 PM

Conversation between a pharmacist and a female customer:

Woman: "I need to buy some arsenic."
Pharmacist:" Why do you need arsenic?"
Woman: "I need arsenic because I want to kill my husband."
Pharmacist: "WHAT?"
Woman: "You heard me! I want to kill my husband!"
Pharmacist: "Why on earth would you want to do that?"
Woman: "Because he's having an affair with YOUR wife!!!"
Pharmacist: "Well, why didn't you tell me you had a prescription?"

DNSB · 04-15-2021, 01:34 PM

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

drjd · 04-19-2021, 05:32 AM

Always carry a lifesaving tool in your car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if you get trapped...

Keeps it in the trunk.

drjd · 04-20-2021, 05:51 AM

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

guanaco · 04-22-2021, 02:01 AM

Q: What's the difference between a mother-in-law and a battery?
A: The battery has a positive side.

drjd · 04-23-2021, 06:14 AM

I accidentally used the dog's shampoo this morning...
Now I feel like a good boy.

drjd · 04-24-2021, 06:31 AM

Anyone want to buy some exercise equipment?
I'm having a going-out-of-fitness sale.

drjd · 04-27-2021, 05:52 AM

The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing her students on sexual morality.

"In moments of temptation," said the speaker to the class, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"

A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: "How do you make it last an hour?"

DNSB · 04-27-2021, 03:18 PM

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

guanaco · 04-28-2021, 02:54 AM

- My love, I would like everything to be as before.
- Like when we first met?
- No, before.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library?	danwdoo	Calibre	8	12-03-2014 06:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-)	Gedvondur	Introduce Yourself	12	07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background?	rlsamson	Barnes & Noble NOOK	3	06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released	Alexander Turcic	Reading and Management	2	02-20-2006 03:47 AM

04-10-2021, 05:52 AM	#11386
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A college girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for her English class and the instructions were that it had to include Religion, Sexuality and Mystery. She was the only one who received an A+ and this is what she wrote: "Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it."

04-12-2021, 05:30 AM	#11387
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	People are choosing cremation over traditional burial. It shows that they are thinking out of the box.

04-14-2021, 05:48 AM	#11388
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get them some snacks and drinks. As he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantle. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beet red in horror and goes, "Geez, oh . . . I . . ." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

04-14-2021, 12:58 PM	#11389
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,380 Karma: 145435140 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	An American couple are visiting Israel... The long married couple have been travelling & seeing the sights for a few months. One day, the woman's husband suddenly collapses and dies. At the morgue he is pronounced dead. The mortician says 'We can bury him here in Israel for $250 or cremate him for $1000.' The wife ponders it & says: 'I'd like him cremated for $1000.' The mortician says: 'It will be done' So arrangements are made. Then he asks the wife: 'Why did you go with cremation for $1000 when burying him here would have only cost $250?' She replies: 'Well I heard that a long time ago, someone who was buried in this same place, rose from the ground 3 days after... I just couldn't take that chance'

04-15-2021, 06:09 AM	#11390
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Tim: I wish I had the money to buy an elephant. Tom: What do you want with an elephant? Tim: Nothing, I just want the money.

04-15-2021, 01:01 PM	#11391
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,380 Karma: 145435140 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Conversation between a pharmacist and a female customer: Woman: "I need to buy some arsenic." Pharmacist:" Why do you need arsenic?" Woman: "I need arsenic because I want to kill my husband." Pharmacist: "WHAT?" Woman: "You heard me! I want to kill my husband!" Pharmacist: "Why on earth would you want to do that?" Woman: "Because he's having an affair with YOUR wife!!!" Pharmacist: "Well, why didn't you tell me you had a prescription?"

04-15-2021, 01:34 PM	#11392
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,380 Karma: 145435140 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

04-19-2021, 05:32 AM	#11393
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Always carry a lifesaving tool in your car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if you get trapped... Keeps it in the trunk.

04-20-2021, 05:51 AM	#11394
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

04-22-2021, 02:01 AM	#11395
guanaco Recovering reader Posts: 222 Karma: 8008008 Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: México Device: iPad	Q: What's the difference between a mother-in-law and a battery? A: The battery has a positive side.

04-23-2021, 06:14 AM	#11396
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I accidentally used the dog's shampoo this morning... Now I feel like a good boy.

04-24-2021, 06:31 AM	#11397
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Anyone want to buy some exercise equipment? I'm having a going-out-of-fitness sale.

04-27-2021, 05:52 AM	#11398
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "In moments of temptation," said the speaker to the class, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?" A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: "How do you make it last an hour?"

04-27-2021, 03:18 PM	#11399
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 35,380 Karma: 145435140 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

04-28-2021, 02:54 AM	#11400
guanaco Recovering reader Posts: 222 Karma: 8008008 Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: México Device: iPad	- My love, I would like everything to be as before. - Like when we first met? - No, before.