Register Guidelines E-Books Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   MobileRead Forums > E-Book General > Writers' Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 03-10-2014, 03:46 PM   #61
Katsunami
Grand Sorcerer
Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Katsunami's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,111
Karma: 34000001
Join Date: Mar 2008
Device: KPW1, KA1
Quote:
Originally Posted by Graham View Post
Losing 2,000 words from 8,000 might well be possible without changing the meaning and should give you a much more readable story.
B... but... it's epic fantasy. I've already shortened this story 14 complete volumes

Quote:
For example, if the context is right you could further reduce "She hesitated momentarily." to simply "She hesitated."
I don't think that this is possible in this instance. The hesitation is in the middle of an series of actions, and I'd like to convey that this very short hesitation is actually the catalyst to the rest of the story.
Katsunami is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2014, 03:50 PM   #62
Graham
Wizard
Graham ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Graham ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Graham ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Graham ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Graham ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Graham ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Graham ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Graham ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Graham ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Graham ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Graham ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Posts: 2,743
Karma: 32912427
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: North Yorkshire, UK
Device: Kobo H20, Pixel 2, Samsung Chromebook Plus
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katsunami View Post
B... but... it's epic fantasy. I've already shortened this story 14 complete volumes


Graham
Graham is offline   Reply With Quote
Advert
Old 03-10-2014, 04:37 PM   #63
arjaybe
Guru
arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
arjaybe's Avatar
 
Posts: 996
Karma: 12012526
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Canada
Device: Sony PRS-650
When My Father Died

v1.5

Why not combine contract-guy and south-guy? Maybe south-guy is in town about the contract instead of a "tour."

I don't know why the dark-shadowy figure wants to attack you and your Mom. That scene looks a bit "stuck-on."

Spoiler:
If it's going to be a dream then you should give the reader at least one hint during the story. That way, when they find out at the end, they'll have less reason to feel let down.


Jim
arjaybe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2014, 06:56 PM   #64
Katsunami
Grand Sorcerer
Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Katsunami's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,111
Karma: 34000001
Join Date: Mar 2008
Device: KPW1, KA1
Uploaded Crisis of Faith, version 1.0, final word count 7,864. Formats are EPUB, AZW3, and PDF, for your convenience.

I hope you like AD&D-type fantasy...

Now and tomorrow I'll start reading the other stories and commenting on them

Last edited by Katsunami; 03-10-2014 at 10:17 PM.
Katsunami is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2014, 07:37 PM   #65
arjaybe
Guru
arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
arjaybe's Avatar
 
Posts: 996
Karma: 12012526
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Canada
Device: Sony PRS-650
All right! I'm grabbing that now.

BTW I uploaded Annie v1.3. I only added one word.-)
arjaybe is offline   Reply With Quote
Advert
Old 03-10-2014, 07:38 PM   #66
Katsunami
Grand Sorcerer
Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Katsunami's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,111
Karma: 34000001
Join Date: Mar 2008
Device: KPW1, KA1
Scrap. I already found a spelling mistake caused by the spell checker.

It turned "Scrying mirror" into "Crying Mirror." Damnation.

edit: Version 1.1 uploaded. Fixed a few spelling mistakes. I'm removing the EPUB/AZW3 versions; I am feeling that these cost too much work to keep updated for each little change.

Last edited by Katsunami; 03-10-2014 at 07:49 PM.
Katsunami is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2014, 10:07 PM   #67
arjaybe
Guru
arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.arjaybe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
arjaybe's Avatar
 
Posts: 996
Karma: 12012526
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Canada
Device: Sony PRS-650
I find I like reading PDFs. In presentation mode.
arjaybe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2014, 10:16 PM   #68
Katsunami
Grand Sorcerer
Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Katsunami's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,111
Karma: 34000001
Join Date: Mar 2008
Device: KPW1, KA1
This is horrible. With every read, I'm finding more spelling mistakes. I wonder if LibreOffice has AutoComplete, fracking up my typing without me seeing it.

Also...

Spoiler:
Should I give the country, the village, the order, the temple, the clearing and the graveyard names? It would make the story longer, probably crossing 8K words.
Katsunami is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2014, 10:16 PM   #69
mrmarlowe
Zealot
mrmarlowe began at the beginning.
 
Posts: 102
Karma: 10
Join Date: Feb 2014
Device: Caliber
Quote:
Originally Posted by arjaybe View Post
v1.5

Spoiler:
If it's going to be a dream then you should give the reader at least one hint during the story. That way, when they find out at the end, they'll have less reason to feel let down.


Jim
Hmm, a couple of hints/suggestions about that would be great as I am a bit thick.

Last edited by mrmarlowe; 03-11-2014 at 12:28 AM.
mrmarlowe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2014, 10:18 PM   #70
mrmarlowe
Zealot
mrmarlowe began at the beginning.
 
Posts: 102
Karma: 10
Join Date: Feb 2014
Device: Caliber
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katsunami View Post
Scrap. I already found a spelling mistake caused by the spell checker.

It turned "Scrying mirror" into "Crying Mirror." Damnation.

edit: Version 1.1 uploaded. Fixed a few spelling mistakes. I'm removing the EPUB/AZW3 versions; I am feeling that these cost too much work to keep updated for each little change.



My piece is eagerly awaiting your review, btw.
mrmarlowe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2014, 10:20 PM   #71
Katsunami
Grand Sorcerer
Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Katsunami's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,111
Karma: 34000001
Join Date: Mar 2008
Device: KPW1, KA1
I'm reading them now, in bed. At 3AM. I'm thinking about getting some sleep as I need to be up again at 8. Tomorrow, I'll do the reviews.
Katsunami is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2014, 10:22 PM   #72
mrmarlowe
Zealot
mrmarlowe began at the beginning.
 
Posts: 102
Karma: 10
Join Date: Feb 2014
Device: Caliber
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katsunami View Post
I'm reading them now, in bed. At 3AM. I'm thinking about getting some sleep as I need to be up again at 8. Tomorrow, I'll do the reviews.
In that case my looong story of 5k words will surely help you sleep better.
mrmarlowe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2014, 10:25 PM   #73
Katsunami
Grand Sorcerer
Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Katsunami ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Katsunami's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,111
Karma: 34000001
Join Date: Mar 2008
Device: KPW1, KA1
Mine is 7.8K, and I read it five times already. Could have read half a book instead... And I'm not even counting the writing. As you are awaiting my reviews, I await yours.

You don't have to point out any spelling mistakes though, until I ask for that in the end. I'll catch most of them...

Last edited by Katsunami; 03-10-2014 at 10:28 PM.
Katsunami is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2014, 11:36 PM   #74
mrmarlowe
Zealot
mrmarlowe began at the beginning.
 
Posts: 102
Karma: 10
Join Date: Feb 2014
Device: Caliber
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katsunami View Post
Mine is 7.8K, and I read it five times already. Could have read half a book instead... And I'm not even counting the writing. As you are awaiting my reviews, I await yours.

You don't have to point out any spelling mistakes though, until I ask for that in the end. I'll catch most of them...
Why did you have to write it so long? You beat me to the only record I could have. (Kidding)
mrmarlowe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2014, 12:14 AM   #75
mrmarlowe
Zealot
mrmarlowe began at the beginning.
 
Posts: 102
Karma: 10
Join Date: Feb 2014
Device: Caliber
When My Father Died

When My Father 'Died' - v.1-6 now uploaded, thanks.

Last edited by mrmarlowe; 03-11-2014 at 12:35 AM.
mrmarlowe is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
MobileRead Short Story Anthology - [GUIDELINES] Katsunami Writers' Corner 149 08-22-2014 11:30 AM
Literary The MobileRead Literary Book Club December 2011 Discussion: The short stories of Saki sun surfer Book Clubs 25 01-08-2012 03:48 PM
Mobileread produced short story collection mr ploppy Feedback 10 07-15-2011 10:53 AM
Tumbling Tales - A short story and poetry anthology TheDJ89 Self-Promotions by Authors and Publishers 2 03-15-2011 10:36 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:11 PM.


MobileRead.com is a privately owned, operated and funded community.