Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 16

DNSB · 09-10-2023, 02:22 PM

Not certain if this qualifies as a joke but I did find it humourous.

A father was out with his child and had one woman ask him if that was his baby. He said, "No, I found it at the park, there were lots so I didn't figure they'd miss one."

Spoiler:

ownedbycats · 09-14-2023, 09:27 PM

The CEO of IKEA was just elected president of Sweden.

I hear he's still assembling his cabinet.

DNSB · 09-14-2023, 11:14 PM

I heard you can get lawyers at Ikea now.

They're very affordable, but you have to build your own case.

ownedbycats · 09-15-2023, 05:55 PM

Divorce Court Judge: "I have reviewed this case very carefully, and I’ve decided to give your wife $800 a week to support herself and the children."

Husband: "That’s very fair, your honor. Every now and then, I’ll try to send her and the kids a few bucks myself."

ownedbycats · 09-16-2023, 12:55 PM

In a job interview, a manager handed the applicant his laptop and said "I want you to try to sell this to me."

The applicant took the laptop, left the building, and went home.

Right after that, the manager called. "Bring it back right now!"

The applicant said, "$200 and it's yours."

DNSB · 09-16-2023, 07:43 PM

There once was a job application form that said: “Help wanted! Looking for people that are bilingual, able to write a computer program and able to make a robot!”, which a street dog was staring at, and it entered the building.

The dog then enters the interviewing room and sits on the chair. The interviewer looks at the dog, which looked determined, and said: “ I’m sorry, but you will need to be able to make a computer program.” The dog, then proceeds to create a computer program, which ran perfectly on the first time.

The interviewer, amazed by the dog, replies: “You are very talented, but the job also requires you to be able to make a robot”, so the dog makes a perfectly flawless robot.

The interviewer, now amazed replies: “I’m sorry, but the job requires you to be bilingual.” The dog then replies:

“Meow.”

HLS · 09-18-2023, 06:41 PM

What does a chicken coop have only two doors it’s because if it has four doors, it will be a chicken sedan lol

DNSB · 09-18-2023, 09:00 PM

A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.

ownedbycats · 09-22-2023, 04:03 PM

How much money do you owe the dog lawyer?

Nothing, he works pro bone-o.

DNSB · 09-25-2023, 07:34 PM

A giraffe walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says “you want a longneck?” The giraffe says “You mean I have a choice?”

ownedbycats · 09-28-2023, 09:42 PM

Free of charge: dead batteries!

DNSB · 09-29-2023, 12:52 AM

A government man approaches a pig farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just feed them whatever scraps I have lying around". The man is shocked, he says "Sir that is animal cruelty! I'll have to fine you $10,000!"

The next day another official approaches the farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer replies: "Oh the pigs? Only the finest products sir! Caviar, artisanal cheeses and hand picked salads!" The man is shocked, he says "Sir, that food is way too rich for them, they'll get sick! I'll have to fine you $10,000!"

The third day another man approaches the farmer again and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just give them 20 bucks each and let them shop themselves."

Comfy.n · 10-01-2023, 03:54 PM

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DNSB · 10-01-2023, 04:35 PM

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallaw?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seen nobody do it!"

DNSB · 10-01-2023, 04:36 PM

Are we now allowing AI content?

09-10-2023, 02:22 PM	#226
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 31,139 Karma: 136000011 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Not certain if this qualifies as a joke but I did find it humourous. A father was out with his child and had one woman ask him if that was his baby. He said, "No, I found it at the park, there were lots so I didn't figure they'd miss one." Spoiler: It reminded me of a few months back when I was at the mall with my XYL and DIL. They hit the washroom and while they were in there, I gave a similar answer to a busybody. Next thing I knew, we had the police there. Neither the XYL, the DIL or the two RCMP members were amused.

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09-14-2023, 09:27 PM	#227
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 7,946 Karma: 55949477 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	The CEO of IKEA was just elected president of Sweden. I hear he's still assembling his cabinet.

09-14-2023, 11:14 PM	#228
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 31,139 Karma: 136000011 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I heard you can get lawyers at Ikea now. They're very affordable, but you have to build your own case.

09-15-2023, 05:55 PM	#229
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 7,946 Karma: 55949477 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Divorce Court Judge: "I have reviewed this case very carefully, and I’ve decided to give your wife $800 a week to support herself and the children." Husband: "That’s very fair, your honor. Every now and then, I’ll try to send her and the kids a few bucks myself."

09-16-2023, 12:55 PM	#230
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 7,946 Karma: 55949477 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	In a job interview, a manager handed the applicant his laptop and said "I want you to try to sell this to me." The applicant took the laptop, left the building, and went home. Right after that, the manager called. "Bring it back right now!" The applicant said, "$200 and it's yours."

09-16-2023, 07:43 PM	#231
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 31,139 Karma: 136000011 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	There once was a job application form that said: “Help wanted! Looking for people that are bilingual, able to write a computer program and able to make a robot!”, which a street dog was staring at, and it entered the building. The dog then enters the interviewing room and sits on the chair. The interviewer looks at the dog, which looked determined, and said: “ I’m sorry, but you will need to be able to make a computer program.” The dog, then proceeds to create a computer program, which ran perfectly on the first time. The interviewer, amazed by the dog, replies: “You are very talented, but the job also requires you to be able to make a robot”, so the dog makes a perfectly flawless robot. The interviewer, now amazed replies: “I’m sorry, but the job requires you to be bilingual.” The dog then replies: “Meow.”

09-18-2023, 06:41 PM	#232
HLS Wizard Posts: 1,991 Karma: 15100458 Join Date: May 2017 Device: Sage, Scribe, Boox Note 2 Plus, iPad Pros and Samsungs S6,S7,S8	What does a chicken coop have only two doors it’s because if it has four doors, it will be a chicken sedan lol

09-18-2023, 09:00 PM	#233
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 31,139 Karma: 136000011 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.

09-22-2023, 04:03 PM	#234
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 7,946 Karma: 55949477 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	How much money do you owe the dog lawyer? Nothing, he works pro bone-o.

09-25-2023, 07:34 PM	#235
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 31,139 Karma: 136000011 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A giraffe walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says “you want a longneck?” The giraffe says “You mean I have a choice?”

09-28-2023, 09:42 PM	#236
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 7,946 Karma: 55949477 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Free of charge: dead batteries!

10-01-2023, 03:54 PM	#238
Comfy.n want to learn what I want Posts: 751 Karma: 5502228 Join Date: Sep 2020 Device: Calibre E-book viewer/ PW3

09-29-2023, 12:52 AM	#237
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 31,139 Karma: 136000011 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A government man approaches a pig farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just feed them whatever scraps I have lying around". The man is shocked, he says "Sir that is animal cruelty! I'll have to fine you $10,000!" The next day another official approaches the farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer replies: "Oh the pigs? Only the finest products sir! Caviar, artisanal cheeses and hand picked salads!" The man is shocked, he says "Sir, that food is way too rich for them, they'll get sick! I'll have to fine you $10,000!" The third day another man approaches the farmer again and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just give them 20 bucks each and let them shop themselves."

10-01-2023, 04:35 PM	#239
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 31,139 Karma: 136000011 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallaw?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seen nobody do it!"

10-01-2023, 04:36 PM	#240
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 31,139 Karma: 136000011 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Forma, Clara HD, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Are we now allowing AI content?