Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 694

PieMan597 · 01-17-2019, 12:46 AM

3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire among them.

The strongest one started 1st, "watch this," He said as he flies so fast, about 100 miles/hour. After only 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth.

"what happened?" they asked. "did you see that house over there?" "yes?" "well.. I killed the entire family and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? fascinating, as expected from the strongest vampire"

Then the eldest one takes the next turn "watch and learn," he said as he flies even faster, about 120 miles/hour. After only 5 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth and his neck.

"what happened??" they asked. "did you see that village over there?" "ye..yes?" "well.. I killed every last person on that village and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? magnificent! truly amazing, we can expect no less from the eldest one!"

Finally the last turn belongs to the fastest one, "don't blink or you'll miss it" he said as he flies really fast, even faster than the other two, about 140 miles/hour. After only a mere 30 seconds, he comes back with blood all over his mouth, his neck, and his nose.

"wh..what happened???" they asked. "did you see that big tree over there?" "ye..yes?!" "well.. I didn't"

badgoodDeb · 01-17-2019, 01:04 PM

Somehow I thought that was coming!

Adoby · 01-18-2019, 09:06 PM

Beauty pageant meme: What I lack in personality I makeup for.

drjd · 01-23-2019, 05:17 AM

I like all track and field events but I really get a charge out of the pole volt.

drjd · 01-31-2019, 05:04 AM

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

issybird · 01-31-2019, 06:04 PM

Patient awaking from a coma: How long have I been out?
Nurse: 72 days.
Patient: Is it still January?
Nurse: Yes.

Bookpossum · 01-31-2019, 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by issybird

Patient awaking from a coma: How long have I been out?
Nurse: 72 days.
Patient: Is it still January?
Nurse: Yes.

Down here it feels like that in July.

drjd · 02-04-2019, 06:05 AM

An interim school superintendent, speaking at a city-wide PTA luncheon, assured members that he was always happy to hear from them about problems.

He told them, "You can call me day or night, at this number . . ."

Suddenly there was a cry from the assistant superintendent. "Hey," he exclaimed, "that's MY number!"

drjd · 02-06-2019, 06:47 AM

A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his study and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."

The psychiatrist responded, "Tell him I can't see him."

drjd · 02-07-2019, 05:33 AM

Steinbeck considered writing a novel where Adam Trask became a baker. He was going to call it 'Yeast of Eden'.

issybird · 02-07-2019, 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

Steinbeck considered writing a novel where Adam Trask became a baker. He was going to call it 'Yeast of Eden'.

Following it up with one where Tom Joad was a French baker, "The Crepes of Wrath"?

issybird · 02-07-2019, 07:14 AM

Or the one where Danny was a Mexican baker, "Tortilla Flat."

drjd · 02-12-2019, 06:54 AM

Q: What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?

A: A sweater with big pockets.

pdurrant · 02-12-2019, 07:07 AM

Q: What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?

A: A woolly jumper.

drjd · 02-13-2019, 05:11 AM

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment: shave, shampoo, manicure and haircut, he placed the boy in the chair.

Then he said, "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade. I'll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."

"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut'."

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01-17-2019, 12:46 AM	#10396
PieMan597 Still a pie Posts: 6,285 Karma: 37018654 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: PieTown USA Device: Kindle Touch, OnePlus 7 Pro	3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire among them. The strongest one started 1st, "watch this," He said as he flies so fast, about 100 miles/hour. After only 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth. "what happened?" they asked. "did you see that house over there?" "yes?" "well.. I killed the entire family and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? fascinating, as expected from the strongest vampire" Then the eldest one takes the next turn "watch and learn," he said as he flies even faster, about 120 miles/hour. After only 5 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth and his neck. "what happened??" they asked. "did you see that village over there?" "ye..yes?" "well.. I killed every last person on that village and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? magnificent! truly amazing, we can expect no less from the eldest one!" Finally the last turn belongs to the fastest one, "don't blink or you'll miss it" he said as he flies really fast, even faster than the other two, about 140 miles/hour. After only a mere 30 seconds, he comes back with blood all over his mouth, his neck, and his nose. "wh..what happened???" they asked. "did you see that big tree over there?" "ye..yes?!" "well.. I didn't"

01-17-2019, 01:04 PM	#10397
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,501 Karma: 64095689 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	Somehow I thought that was coming!

01-18-2019, 09:06 PM	#10398
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,736 Karma: 26785668 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Thinkpad E595, Ubuntu Mate, Huawei Mediapad 5, Bouye Likebook Plus	Beauty pageant meme: What I lack in personality I makeup for.

01-23-2019, 05:17 AM	#10399
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I like all track and field events but I really get a charge out of the pole volt.

01-31-2019, 05:04 AM	#10400
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

01-31-2019, 06:04 PM	#10401
issybird o saeclum infacetum Posts: 20,229 Karma: 222235366 Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: New England Device: H2O, Aura One, PW5	Patient awaking from a coma: How long have I been out? Nurse: 72 days. Patient: Is it still January? Nurse: Yes.

02-04-2019, 06:05 AM	#10403
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	An interim school superintendent, speaking at a city-wide PTA luncheon, assured members that he was always happy to hear from them about problems. He told them, "You can call me day or night, at this number . . ." Suddenly there was a cry from the assistant superintendent. "Hey," he exclaimed, "that's MY number!"

02-06-2019, 06:47 AM	#10404
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his study and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible." The psychiatrist responded, "Tell him I can't see him."

02-07-2019, 05:33 AM	#10405
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Steinbeck considered writing a novel where Adam Trask became a baker. He was going to call it 'Yeast of Eden'.

02-07-2019, 07:14 AM	#10407
issybird o saeclum infacetum Posts: 20,229 Karma: 222235366 Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: New England Device: H2O, Aura One, PW5	Or the one where Danny was a Mexican baker, "Tortilla Flat."

02-12-2019, 06:54 AM	#10408
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Q: What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo? A: A sweater with big pockets.

02-12-2019, 07:07 AM	#10409
pdurrant The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠 Posts: 71,510 Karma: 306214458 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Norfolk, England Device: Kindle Voyage	Q: What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo? A: A woolly jumper.

02-13-2019, 05:11 AM	#10410
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment: shave, shampoo, manicure and haircut, he placed the boy in the chair. Then he said, "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade. I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut'."