"The Three Laws of Zombiotics" - STORIES, PSEUDO NON-FICTION, POETRY, ETC. NEEDED

[Dr. Drib]

Perhaps zombies are affiliated with the Communist Party, which would account for the clothing that seems to always be in shades of gray.

[cross-eyed ref to Seinfeld]



Don

[jinlo]

Originally Posted by Dr. Drib

For example, if zombies propagate due to a mistake in biting some part other than the brain (and the person becomes infected), wouldn't this also suggest that the person bit has successfully escaped? Because there are so many zombies, doesn't this suggest that it is easy to escape from a zombie?
Don

Originally Posted by carld

Locomotion is likewise carried out through chemical stimulation of the various muscle groups. It's a cumbersome process accounting for the zombie's slow and staggering movements. The zombie occasionally needs to devour bits of blood and tissue to feed the bacteria, accounting for the zombie's habit of non-brain flesh nomming.

I believe that if we put the above two comments together in context, we move closer to a greater understanding of the Zombie.

Is it easy to escape a single Zombie? If we consider the method of locomotion described by carld, then it is probably fairly easy to flee even after receiving a severe injury from a vicious bite. (Remember, however, that Zombies often attack in groups and escape is near impossible when in the clutches of a Zombie mob!) If the bacteria reanimating a Zombie does indeed require bits of blood and tissue, this would certainly account for the single bite attack of a hand, neck or abdomen. It would also explain any "bite and release" actions by Zombies that have been reported and remain under heavy scrutiny. This may also be the genetically inherent method of propagation for the bacteria. While it will propagate within a single host by cell division, it must also spread to new hosts.

The above commentary should not be considered as anything beyond theory at this point. In fact, there remains the long existing debate of whether the infecting agent is bacterial or viral.

Originally Posted by DixieGal

No one has addressed their raggedy bad fashion sense. After all, they were buried in their finest togs. So why do they come out of their coffins wearing what can only be described as shabby shroud style?

Your point is well taken, but remember, there is a difference between the reanimated graveyard Zombie and the "I've just been bit, and I don't feel so well!" Zombie. Let's say Jim is out fishing. Hopefully, he's not dressed in his Sunday's best. He's alone at the lake, and Wham! he's bit by a Zombie. It's a bad bite. He breaks the hold of the Zombie, runs to the other side of the lake, staggers into the water, and collapses. Moments later, he rises as a Zombie. Unfortunately, he's soaking wet, covered in lake slime as well as blood, and wearing waders and a really bad fishing cap.

[Dr. Drib]

It's true that good ol' boy 'Jim Arnold' perhaps enjoys fishing, which may account for his poor taste in clothing. After all, he's handling worms or may be knee-deep in soggy water as he casts his line.

However, another side of the coin is the that 'Jim Carrington Arnold, III' has perhaps come back from a night at the opera enjoying Iphigénie en Tauride or Dialogues of the Carmelites.

It stretches the boundaries of imagination to think that that 'Jim' would go home and change into his fishing clothes, especially with the date he had that night.



Don

[Solitaire1]

Originally Posted by Dr. Drib

There may be some merit in part of your logic, as I've often seen zombies play with intestines like a child playing with a Slinky.

However, I feel much of your logic is flawed when you state that a zombie is going for other body parts in order to slow someone down.

I personally feel that a human with only one leg could walk faster than a zombie, but I can find no definitive studies to back up this premise.


Don

It is possible that an individual with one functioning leg might still be able to out hop a classic zombie, ones that slowly shamble towards their target. As far as a zombie targeting specific body parts, it is likely a side effect of them trying to get at any body part, with the outlying parts (arms and legs) as the ones easiest to get at.

But more modern versions of zombies are able to run at full speed and they don't feel tired in the same way as humans do. In that case, anything which slows down the human (such as a weakened leg) would allow the modern zombie to overtake them.

[jinlo]

Originally Posted by Solitaire1

It is possible that an individual with one functioning leg might still be able to out hop a classic zombie, ones that slowly shamble towards their target. As far as a zombie targeting specific body parts, it is likely a side effect of them trying to get at any body part, with the outlying parts (arms and legs) as the ones easiest to get at.

But more modern versions of zombies are able to run at full speed and they don't feel tired in the same way as humans do. In that case, anything which slows down the human (such as a weakened leg) would allow the modern zombie to overtake them.

Ah, the modern Zombie vs. the classic Zombie. The old time Zombie was slow, ponderous and almost laughably easy to evade. The newer version of the Zombie is almost lightning fast with increased strength and agility.

When I consider the comparison of the two, I often think of professional sports. Today's football players are bigger and stronger. Baseball players faster and quicker with a bat. However, the modern day athletes have access to something the old timers didn't know much about. I am, of course, referring to performance enhancing drugs.

Are these new Zombies on steroids and growth hormones? Have they gained an unfair advantage by utilizing chemical substances? If so, should this be considered cheating or just taking advantage of modern technology?

It may be time to consider some kind of drug testing council for determining whether or not these newer Zombies are juiced and just what are the acceptable limits for artificially enhanced physical performance. It's always been a difficult topic to address, but today's young Zombies need role models. Before Congressional hearings turn this into some kind of circus, let us consider the importance of separating the natural born athletic Zombies from those that choose a drug enhanced path.

[mr ploppy]

Originally Posted by DixieGal

No one has addressed their raggedy bad fashion sense. After all, they were buried in their finest togs. So why do they come out of their coffins wearing what can only be described as shabby shroud style?

You might think they get buried in their best clothes, but in reality the undertakers swap them for old rags just before they are buried and sell the best clothes on Ebay. They also recycle the oak coffins, and bury people in cardboard boxes, which explains how the zombies can get out of the ground so easily.

[mr ploppy]

Originally Posted by jinlo

Ah, the modern Zombie vs. the classic Zombie. The old time Zombie was slow, ponderous and almost laughably easy to evade. The newer version of the Zombie is almost lightning fast with increased strength and agility.

I think the fast zombies are just psychopaths pretending to be zombies. Or possibly other survivors who think the real zombies will be fooled by their behaviour.

[jinlo]

A little Zombie haiku:

hiding in shadow
shuffling footsteps on dried leaves
I am not alone

[jinlo]

Originally Posted by mr ploppy

I think the fast zombies are just psychopaths pretending to be zombies. Or possibly other survivors who think the real zombies will be fooled by their behaviour.

This brings up an interesting point of discussion. Is it possible to avoid detection from Zombies by mimicking their movements? The undead often move in groups (an interesting characteristic in its own right) and it has been theorized that a live human could potentially get lost in this crowd. By utilizing unsteady, shambling movements and emitting a low groan, an uninfected human might hope to be mistaken for just another Zombie.

Many that study the unique physiology of the Zombie are convinced that any such ploy is at best hopeless and at worst just plain suicidal. These researchers point to the enhanced senses of the Zombie. They claim the Zombie is much less reliant on sight, and some believe that the Zombie utilizes its sense of smell much like a bear or a wolf.

Still, avoiding detection in this method remains an interesting consideration. I have spoken to one scientist that hopes to smear the ooze of a Zombie on a living human in order to mask the living scent, and then send the dead-smelling but still living individual into a mass of the undead. Unfortunately, he states that finding willing test subjects has been somewhat difficult.

[Nate the great]

Originally Posted by jinlo

Me: It's been asserted that Zombies will only go after victims identical to their own species. Is this true?
Zombie: Nnnnmmmggghhhh.

Me: Do you only eat the brains of your victim?
Zombie: Nnnnnnmmmmgggghhhhhhh!

Me: Do the brains taste better than say a leg?
Zombie: Nnnnmmmmmmggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Are you sure you weren't interviewing a live teenager? I've had conversations with teens before that sounded just like that.

[jinlo]

Originally Posted by Nate the great

Are you sure you weren't interviewing a live teenager? I've had conversations with teens before that sounded just like that.

I'm certain the individual I interviewed was a Zombie and not a teenager. It had a glassy look to its eyes and a vacant expression. It was shabbily dressed and had a poor complexion. It moved slowly, totally unmotivated by its surroundings. The smell was also not too pleasant.

This couldn't have been a teenager, right?

Alright, maybe it was a teenage Zombie!

[Dr. Drib]

Originally Posted by jinlo

This brings up an interesting point of discussion. Is it possible to avoid detection from Zombies by mimicking their movements? The undead often move in groups (an interesting characteristic in its own right) and it has been theorized that a live human could potentially get lost in this crowd. By utilizing unsteady, shambling movements and emitting a low groan, an uninfected human might hope to be mistaken for just another Zombie.

Many that study the unique physiology of the Zombie are convinced that any such ploy is at best hopeless and at worst just plain suicidal. These researchers point to the enhanced senses of the Zombie. They claim the Zombie is much less reliant on sight, and some believe that the Zombie utilizes its sense of smell much like a bear or a wolf.

Still, avoiding detection in this method remains an interesting consideration. I have spoken to one scientist that hopes to smear the ooze of a Zombie on a living human in order to mask the living scent, and then send the dead-smelling but still living individual into a mass of the undead. Unfortunately, he states that finding willing test subjects has been somewhat difficult.

I should mention that about 27 years ago, I had a bad case of food poisoning from a frozen pizza. I mimicked the motions and behaviors of zombies, often emitting LOUD groans of distress while in the bathroom, and while tossing and sweating in bed.

Fortunately, since I was single at the time, no one mistook me for a zombie...although I felt like one.

Regarding the idea of sight, it seems to me that if a zombie is badly decomposed, then she may be bereft of eyes. In fact, the eyeballs may be out of their orbit. And the neural pathways..well, that's a whole different story.

We may also question a zombie's use of eyeglasses. If a living person needs eyeglasses to see, doesn't the same logic apply to a zombie? Perhaps all the zombies shambling about only need eyeglasses to improve their vision and would not be so clumsy while pursuing their prey.

By the way, where does the scientist propose to get the "ooze of a zombie"? I admit that the test does have merit, but obtaining the necessary ooze might be problematic (and dangerous) at best.



Don

[jinlo]

Originally Posted by Dr. Drib

By the way, where does the scientist propose to get the "ooze of a zombie"? I admit that the test does have merit, but obtaining the necessary ooze might be problematic (and dangerous) at best.

Don

Believe it or not, I asked the very same question. Apparently, obtaining Zombie ooze is actually quite a simple process.

One method is to find an area that has been under long term Zombie infestation. Because of the continuous decay Zombies experience, they often lose body parts. The researcher informed me that certain known areas under study have an abundance of discarded arms, hands, and feet. In a manner quite like squeezing juice from an orange, large quantities of ooze can be obtained from these parts.

Another method is to find a single Zombie, dispatch said Zombie with a high-powered rifle shot to the head, and you have an entire Zombie corpse to safely obtain buckets of ooze.

[Dr. Drib]

Originally Posted by jinlo

Believe it or not, I asked the very same question. Apparently, obtaining Zombie ooze is actually quite a simple process.

One method is to find an area that has been under long term Zombie infestation. Because of the continuous decay Zombies experience, they often lose body parts. The researcher informed me that certain known areas under study have an abundance of discarded arms, hands, and feet. In a manner quite like squeezing juice from an orange, large quantities of ooze can be obtained from these parts.

Another method is to find a single Zombie, dispatch said Zombie with a high-powered rifle shot to the head, and you have an entire Zombie corpse to safely obtain buckets of ooze.

After careful consideration lasting a few hours, I now see the logic of your argument.

On another note regarding the reference you made to obtaining zombie ooze, in that it can be as simple as squeezing juice from an overipe piece of fruit, could this mean a possible revival of the Veg-O-Matic?


Don

[Solitaire1]

Dr. Drib wrote as part of a post:

Originally Posted by Dr. Drib

Regarding the idea of sight, it seems to me that if a zombie is badly decomposed, then she may be bereft of eyes. In fact, the eyeballs may be out of their orbit. And the neural pathways..well, that's a whole different story.

We may also question a zombie's use of eyeglasses. If a living person needs eyeglasses to see, doesn't the same logic apply to a zombie? Perhaps all the zombies shambling about only need eyeglasses to improve their vision and would not be so clumsy while pursuing their prey.

One possibility is that zombies don't see the same way that humans do. Rather, they use their eyes to "see" the heat from living bodies and then head in that general direction. That, combined with smell, would make it very difficult for living humans to hide among zombies since zombies have far less body heat than living humans.