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Old 04-08-2010, 12:29 PM   #1
Madam Broshkina
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Your favorite book SUCKS: One-Star Amazon Reviews of the Classics

Have you ever wondered what others thinks about books that you have read. Here is an article that highlights some one star reviews given to classic books on Amazon.

For example:

Charlotte's Web


Absolutely pointless book to read. I felt no feelings towards any of the characters. I really didn't care that Wilbur won first prize. And how in the world does a pig and a spider become friends? It's beyond me. The back of a cereal box has more excitement than this book. I was forced to read it at least five times and have found it grueling. Even as a child I found the plot very far-fetched. It is because of this horrid book that I eat sausage every morning and tell my dad to kill every spider I see. It is a traumatic, coma-enducing story that has changed my life forever. In conclusion I feel no one should be put through such torture and this book should be banned from every school, library, and bookstore in the Milky Way.

The Bible

Man, this book is boring. All this weird stuff happens and it's harder to get into than Lord of the Rings. And what's up with the red writing and the LORD says stuff. All caps = rude, peter paul and mark, whoever the heck you are. And this is just badly written. James Patterson could do better. These apostles need to get a clue and hire a ghost writer. Even Miley Cyrus's manager was smart enough to do that. Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ, indeed.


You can read the whole article here:

http://www.salon.com/books/feature/2...010/index.html

Last edited by Madam Broshkina; 04-08-2010 at 12:53 PM. Reason: fixed link
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Old 04-08-2010, 12:44 PM   #2
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Here's the link fixed:

http://www.salon.com/books/feature/2...010/index.html
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Old 04-08-2010, 12:46 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Madam Broshkina View Post
Have you ever wondered what others thinks about books that you have read. Here is an article that highlights some one star reviews given to classic books on Amazon.

For example:

Charlotte's Web


Absolutely pointless book to read. I felt no feelings towards any of the characters. I really didn't care that Wilbur won first prize. And how in the world does a pig and a spider become friends? It's beyond me. The back of a cereal box has more excitement than this book. I was forced to read it at least five times and have found it grueling. Even as a child I found the plot very far-fetched. It is because of this horrid book that I eat sausage every morning and tell my dad to kill every spider I see. It is a traumatic, coma-enducing story that has changed my life forever. In conclusion I feel no one should be put through such torture and this book should be banned from every school, library, and bookstore in the Milky Way.

LOL

For some reason that cracks me up.
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Old 04-08-2010, 03:02 PM   #4
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Quote:
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And what's up with the red writing and the LORD says stuff. All caps = rude, peter paul and mark, whoever the heck you are.
yeah !!! sheesh.



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Old 04-08-2010, 03:05 PM   #5
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Old 04-08-2010, 03:50 PM   #6
Madam Broshkina
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Here are a few more reviews:

The Scarlet Letter

This book is like a bad soap. No action. No drama. Very predictable. It is about a woman who cheated on her husband with another man. The baby dad is the preacher. Why the couple couldn’t have gotten a divorce is beyond me.

I’m sure I would be able to understand the vivid descriptions and symbolism in this book much better, if Hawthorne were not writing in some sort of moon man language. I don’t know about the production of narcotics in the 1800’s, but I honestly think that Hawthorne wasn’t on a natural high if you know what I’m saying.

Animal Farm

Of all the things I have ever read! What a terrible and unrealistic story. I mean, how can animals talk? I have a parrot that talks but not in complete sentences. And besides the pigs run the show in this and if it really happened the cats would run things because everyone knows that cats are born leaders. Anyway, I wouldn’t reccomend this book to my worst enemy. I read this book to my nephew, Simon and he started crying and now he is afraid of pigs and horses because he says that they will rise up and establish a totalitarianist state and will rule over us. Ughhhh! It gives me a head ache.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Who the hell is this Mark Twain character?! Simply put: What a lousy novel! Maybe this was his first novel…I don’t know. Anyways, I sure hope he doesn’t plan on writing anything else. I read this book, initially, in the author’s native bulgarian language…and it was even worse! The translator was probably trying to do us a favor by touching up this P.O.S. novel, but I think it would take an act of God to save this text…
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Old 04-08-2010, 04:22 PM   #7
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"And please for the love of God don't read that "Brave New World" book by Hoxley. It is twice as worse as 1984."

Twice as worse? This Hoxley fellow, whoever he is, must really suck!

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Old 04-08-2010, 04:23 PM   #8
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Well, gee, gosh, wow. Live and learn. What a dummy I am. I had no earthly idea the native language of Missouri was bulgarian.

And I thought pigs and horses already ruled the world.
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Old 04-08-2010, 04:31 PM   #9
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Well, gee, gosh, wow. Live and learn. What a dummy I am. I had no earthly idea the native language of Missouri was bulgarian.

And I thought pigs and horses already ruled the world.
I believe it's pigs and jackasses......
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Old 04-09-2010, 08:35 AM   #10
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that's web-too-oh for ya. Anyone can have any opinion about anything.
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Old 04-10-2010, 05:55 AM   #11
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I believe it's pigs and jackasses......
nope, just jackasses.

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Well, gee, gosh, wow. Live and learn. What a dummy I am. I had no earthly idea the native language of Missouri was bulgarian.
And now you know... the rest of the story! Actually, now I know why I couldnʻt understand a thing when those Missourans were talking....
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Old 04-10-2010, 07:39 AM   #12
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There's a review on Amazon for a book called Normal People Don't Live Like This. A one star review says, "Beware! This book is not intended for a teen-age audience despite having a 15-year-old main character."

A response is, "And Lolita's not intended for preteen girls despite having a twelve year old main character. Welcome to literature."

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Old 04-10-2010, 10:21 AM   #13
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Well, those reviews are funny, but mostly I am not very impressed by the open-mindedness of this Jeanette Demain. I reserve the right to find so-called "classic" books boring, either for good or bad reasons. Sometimes it may simply be because I was forced to read them. So what? Does it make me more stupid, or "completely devoid of any subtlety, introspection, caring or empathy" than someone who thinks nobody can criticize the Bible because it is the word of God? I don't think so. But then, what do I know. I try to read books for what they are, and what they mean to me personally, not for what others think about them.
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Old 04-10-2010, 04:07 PM   #14
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Now I know why I moved out of Missouri years ago. I don't speak Bulgarian. It explains why I never really felt like I belonged there....
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