Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 481

orlok · 11-08-2013, 10:37 AM

Alcohol is a marvellous thing.

It makes you see double but feel single.

Fbone · 11-08-2013, 06:42 PM

You want to know what its like to have a fourth kid? Imagine you're drowning and then someone hands you a baby.

Fbone · 11-10-2013, 02:00 AM

I hate when I’m on the treadmill and my hand accidentally hits the stop button & I have to get off and eat a grilled bacon cheese sandwich.

Fbone · 11-11-2013, 05:50 PM

Coffee ordering simplified.

Stitchawl · 11-11-2013, 08:01 PM

Stitchawl

steven522 · 11-12-2013, 09:58 AM

Antiques Roadshow appraiser: "Now what we have here are two stuffed dogs produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of last century. This is a very very rare set, indeed. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"

Owner: "Sticks...?"

steven522 · 11-12-2013, 10:11 AM

The following text message exchange happened one very cold winter morning:
"Need to go shopping. Windows frozen. What do I do?"
"Pour warm water over it."
"Now computer not working at all."

MJK2111 · 11-12-2013, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

Stitchawl

You owe me a clean pair of underwear...I kinda sorta wet myself when I saw this.

Boxer-briefs, please, in a dark color.

Fbone · 11-12-2013, 10:47 PM

That's a relief.

WT Sharpe · 11-13-2013, 06:59 AM

Be extra careful out there, everyone. As Churchill "Churchy" LaFemme of Pogo fame reminds us, it's the week of Friday the 13th.

Fbone · 11-13-2013, 08:55 PM

Everyone loves a bouncy house.

BenG · 11-14-2013, 11:37 PM

steven522 · 11-15-2013, 09:13 AM

On a long flight, a man's curiosity gets the best of him and he asks the person across the aisle if his dog is some sort of assistance animal.

The person replies that he works for the TSA and the dog is a trained "sniffer" for the airlines. To demonstrate, the person turns to the dog and says, "Search."

The dog goes off down the aisle, stops next to one passenger, comes back and places his right paw on the the person's lap.

"What does that mean?" the man asks.

"Heroin smuggler," the person says and notes the passenger.

He sends the dog off again and the dog returns and holds out his left paw.

"What does that mean?"

"Cocaine," the person says and notes the passenger.

He sends the dog off again. This time the dog comes back and urinates all over the floor.

"Does that mean anything?" the man asks.

"Yeah," the person replies nervously. "He's found a bomb."

deathoffleas · 11-15-2013, 10:00 AM

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?

Apparently the flag is a big plus.

badgoodDeb · 11-15-2013, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deathoffleas

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?

Apparently the flag is a big plus.

Grooooan! Welcome!

11-13-2013, 06:59 AM	#7210
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,073 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	Be extra careful out there, everyone. As Churchill "Churchy" LaFemme of Pogo fame reminds us, it's the week of Friday the 13th. Attached Thumbnails

11-15-2013, 10:00 AM	#7214
deathoffleas Junior Member Posts: 7 Karma: 93000 Join Date: Nov 2013 Device: Nook STR Glowlight, iPad	Long time Lurker, first time poster (be gentle.....) What's the best thing about living in Switzerland? Apparently the flag is a big plus.

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11-08-2013, 10:37 AM	#7201
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Alcohol is a marvellous thing. It makes you see double but feel single.

11-08-2013, 06:42 PM	#7202
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	You want to know what its like to have a fourth kid? Imagine you're drowning and then someone hands you a baby.

11-10-2013, 02:00 AM	#7203
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I hate when I’m on the treadmill and my hand accidentally hits the stop button & I have to get off and eat a grilled bacon cheese sandwich.

11-11-2013, 05:50 PM	#7204
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Coffee ordering simplified.

11-11-2013, 08:01 PM	#7205
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Stitchawl

11-12-2013, 09:58 AM	#7206
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	Antiques Roadshow appraiser: "Now what we have here are two stuffed dogs produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of last century. This is a very very rare set, indeed. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?" Owner: "Sticks...?"

11-12-2013, 10:11 AM	#7207
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	The following text message exchange happened one very cold winter morning: "Need to go shopping. Windows frozen. What do I do?" "Pour warm water over it." "Now computer not working at all."

11-12-2013, 10:47 PM	#7209
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	That's a relief.

11-13-2013, 08:55 PM	#7211
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Everyone loves a bouncy house.

11-14-2013, 11:37 PM	#7212
BenG Home Guard Posts: 4,729 Karma: 86721650 Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Alpha Ralpha Boulevard Device: Kindle Oasis 3G, iPhone 6

11-15-2013, 09:13 AM	#7213
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	On a long flight, a man's curiosity gets the best of him and he asks the person across the aisle if his dog is some sort of assistance animal. The person replies that he works for the TSA and the dog is a trained "sniffer" for the airlines. To demonstrate, the person turns to the dog and says, "Search." The dog goes off down the aisle, stops next to one passenger, comes back and places his right paw on the the person's lap. "What does that mean?" the man asks. "Heroin smuggler," the person says and notes the passenger. He sends the dog off again and the dog returns and holds out his left paw. "What does that mean?" "Cocaine," the person says and notes the passenger. He sends the dog off again. This time the dog comes back and urinates all over the floor. "Does that mean anything?" the man asks. "Yeah," the person replies nervously. "He's found a bomb."