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Old 12-18-2012, 03:27 PM   #5791
wodin
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Make sure those tomatoes are EXTREMELY rotten!
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Old 12-18-2012, 05:04 PM   #5792
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The young couple was at a baseball game. About halfway through the game, they noticed a much older couple in the seats below them.

They were being VERY affectionate. They looked like two teenagers. He had his arm around her most of the time. Every few minutes, one of them was whispering in the other’s ear. They also would hold hands and gaze into each other’s eyes, or nibble at their mate’s ear. There was also a lot of giggling going on.

The young man said to his girlfriend, “I don’t know whether to watch them or the game.”

She said, “Watch THEM! You already know how to play baseball.”
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Old 12-19-2012, 01:28 AM   #5793
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Mayan artist to assistant: Oh dear, I've run out of space, and I've only got to 21 December 2012.
Assistant: Golly, that's going to cause a few problems!
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Old 12-19-2012, 05:52 AM   #5794
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Originally Posted by Bookpossum View Post
Mayan artist to assistant: Oh dear, I've run out of space, and I've only got to 21 December 2012.
Assistant: Golly, that's going to cause a few problems!
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Old 12-19-2012, 09:39 AM   #5795
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21 December 2012
It's funny, but actually Mayan calendars have been found that have dates into the AD 3500's. Just one type of Mayan calendar "renews" on 12/21/12.
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Old 12-19-2012, 01:04 PM   #5796
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“I know a man who has been married for 25 years and he spends every evening at home.”

“That’s what I call love.”

“No, his doctor says it’s paralysis.”
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Old 12-19-2012, 06:04 PM   #5797
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Old 12-20-2012, 08:32 AM   #5798
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Old 12-20-2012, 01:45 PM   #5799
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Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework — that, he declared, was woman’s work.

But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers.

She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren’t so tired from having to do all the housework in addition to holding down a full-time job.

The next day, she couldn’t wait to tell her friends in the office. “How did it work out?” they asked.

“Well, it was a great dinner,” Mary said. “Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away.”

“But what about afterward?” her friends wanted to know.

“Oh — that didn’t work out,” Mary said. “Charley was too tired.”
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Old 12-20-2012, 06:32 PM   #5800
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I own Call of Duty Modern Warfare, World at War, Modern Warfare 2 and Black Ops I and II, so deciding what I wanted for Christmas was easy.

Spoiler:
I really want to get laid.
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Old 12-20-2012, 06:33 PM   #5801
kennyc
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orlok View Post
I own Call of Duty Modern Warfare, World at War, Modern Warfare 2 and Black Ops I and II, so deciding what I wanted for Christmas was easy.

Spoiler:
I really want to get laid.
I'm sure it could be arranged.
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Old 12-20-2012, 06:38 PM   #5802
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Originally Posted by orlok View Post
I own Call of Duty Modern Warfare, World at War, Modern Warfare 2 and Black Ops I and II, so deciding what I wanted for Christmas was easy.

Spoiler:
I really want to get laid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kennyc View Post
I'm sure it could be arranged.
Not a chance, Kenny. Didn't you see his last post in the 'What's in your cup' thread? He's going to bed with a glass of filtered water. We need to have a serious talk with this boy...


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Old 12-20-2012, 06:39 PM   #5803
kennyc
The Dank Side of the Moon
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Not a chance, Kenny. Didn't you see his last post in the 'What's in your cup' thread? He's going to bed with a glass of filtered water. We need to have a serious talk with this boy...


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Oh My!
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Old 12-20-2012, 09:46 PM   #5804
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Why it is hard to have a boys night out when you are in a relationship:

The other night I was invited out for a night with the "boys." I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the beers went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I took a taxi home. Just ............as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !) The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, I told her "MIDNIGHT"... she didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then she said "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit" Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, laughed, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

Last edited by EZPuzzler; 12-20-2012 at 09:49 PM.
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Old 12-21-2012, 04:30 AM   #5805
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Then she said "We need a new cuckoo clock."
Or you need a new wife
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