06-12-2018, 01:14 AM | #10111 |
Surfin the alpha waves ~~
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(As found on the Internet.)
The Beach Boys walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll it be, guys?" Brian Wilson looks at the others and asks: "Round?" Mike Love says: "Round." Al Jardine says: "Get a round." Brian Wilson: "I'll get a round." |
06-12-2018, 02:17 PM | #10112 |
Grand Sorcerer
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06-12-2018, 05:36 PM | #10113 |
Close to the Edit!
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06-12-2018, 06:58 PM | #10114 |
Snoozing in the sun
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Yep, that will fix it!
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06-13-2018, 10:59 AM | #10115 |
The Couch Potato
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A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day.
'Doc, there's something wrong with me. Every time I stand in a baby's high chair and face southwest, and then touch my tongue to a piece of aluminum foil that's wrapped around an acorn, I get a strange tingle in my big toe. Can you tell me what the problem is?' 'Sure,' the doctor said. 'You have way too much time on your hands.' |
06-15-2018, 04:02 AM | #10116 |
The Couch Potato
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A prosecuting attorney just could not believe that the jury had found the defendant not guilty.
Astonished, he asked the jury foreman, "How could you possibly have found this man innocent?" The foreman replied, "Insanity." The perplexed prosecutor replied, "All 12 of you?" |
06-15-2018, 05:00 AM | #10117 |
Close to the Edit!
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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
---The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and the whiskey get wasted, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands." ''Good Heavens, 'said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story'?" ...."Don't Screw with Mommy when she's been drinking." |
06-24-2018, 05:38 AM | #10118 |
The Couch Potato
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Two girls were having coffee when one noticed that the other girl seemed troubled and asked her, "Is something bugging you? You look anxious."
"Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market," she explained. "Oh, that's too bad," the other girl sympathized. "I'm sure you're feeling sorry for him." "Yeah, I am," she said. "He'll really miss me." |
06-25-2018, 07:05 AM | #10119 |
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There's a special place in he'll for autocorrect.
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06-29-2018, 06:37 AM | #10120 |
The Couch Potato
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If paper could sing, would it sing in a quire?
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07-04-2018, 05:47 AM | #10121 |
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07-05-2018, 02:48 PM | #10122 |
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07-05-2018, 05:55 PM | #10123 |
Snoozing in the sun
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I love this!
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07-07-2018, 02:35 AM | #10124 |
The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠
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"Treason dothe never prosper; — What's the reason?
Why ; — if it prosper, none dare call it Treason." — Sir John Harrington, Letter to Prince Henry, 1609. Deb's post brought it to mind. |
07-16-2018, 07:28 AM | #10125 |
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A dentist in a court trial was orally examined and re-examined by the defence lawyer ruthlessly, to extract the truth.
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