Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 92

lene1949 · 07-02-2010, 10:36 AM

Why She Changed Hotels

Last week, I checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a bit lonely. I thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in
phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

I looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony -a very handsome man with assorted physical skills
flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack
abs and I felt quite certain I could bounce a 10 cent coin off his well oiled bum.... you get the picture. I figured, what the heck, I'll give him a call.

"Hello, ma'am, how may I help you?" . . .

Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid I would lose my nerve if I hesitated I rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage,
I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex.
I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.
We'll go hot and heavy all night -tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything baby. Now how does that sound?"

He says, "Oh my God... that sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

lene1949 · 07-02-2010, 10:40 AM

WHAT A MARVELLOUS STORY ABOUT “COMMON SENSE” VERSUS IDIOSYNCRACY AND IDIOT BEAUROCRACY !!!!!

The Australian Government and the NSW Forestry Service were
presenting an alternative to NSW sheep farmers for controlling the dingo
population.
It seems that after years of the sheep farmers using the tried and
true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the Labour
Government (Peter Garrett - Environmental Minister), the NSW Forestry
Service and the Greens tree-huggers had a 'more humane' solution.

What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males
would then be castrated and let loose again. Therefore the population
would be controlled.
This was ACTUALLY proposed to the NSW Sheep farmers Association and
Farming Association by the Federal Government and the NSW Forestry
Service./
All of the sheep farmers thought about this amazing idea for a couple
of minutes. Finally, one of the old boys in the back of the conference
room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, ‘Mr Garrett, son, I don't
think you understand our problem. Those dingo’s ain't f…… our sheep -
they're eatin' 'em!!'
You should have been there to hear the roar of laughter as Mr Peter
Garrett and the members of the NSW Forestry Service , the Greens and
the other "tree huggers" left the meeting very "sheepishly".

lene1949 · 07-02-2010, 10:41 AM

-----Irish farmer

A man owned a small farm in Ireland . The Irish
Internal Revenue determined he was not paying proper wages
to his staff and sent an investigator out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay
them!", demanded the investigator.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand
who's been with me for three years. I pay him $200 a
week plus free room and board.

"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her
$150 per week plus free room and board."

"Then there's the halfwit. He works about 18
hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around
here. He makes about $10 a week. He pays his own
room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every
Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife
occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to...the halfwit!" said
the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.

kennyc · 07-02-2010, 10:57 AM

Thanks for the giggled Lene!

Over · 07-05-2010, 06:50 PM

Lycoming · 07-07-2010, 02:46 PM

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

happy_terd · 07-07-2010, 08:05 PM

Oils are usually labeled one of two way, either what it is made out of or what it is for.

For example corn oil or vegetable oil vs motor oil, butt oil, and baby oil.

kennyc · 07-07-2010, 08:49 PM

like anusoil?

speaking of that, aren't you supposed to be exercising?

happy_terd · 07-07-2010, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

like anusoil?

speaking of that, aren't you supposed to be exercising?

After my 3X10 sets I take a 10 minute break and do it over with 2X8 sets.

Break almost over.

happy_terd · 07-07-2010, 09:04 PM

stretch
warm up
3 X 10s
10 min break (usually filled with more stretching)
2 X 8s
cool down
stretch

I can usually post once or twice unless I am on a set of exercises or on cool down

kennyc · 07-07-2010, 09:05 PM

I think you are bionically connected to the internet and MR.

happy_terd · 07-07-2010, 09:25 PM

Most of my best posts are during work hours.

kennyc · 07-08-2010, 07:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happy_terd

Most of my best posts are during work hours.

Didn't you mean to say most of your best parts are connected bionically?

happy_terd · 07-08-2010, 08:44 AM

...and they detach.

LCF · 07-10-2010, 02:55 PM

(click it)

and this too

07-10-2010, 02:55 PM	#1380
LCF Wizard Posts: 1,472 Karma: 9795311 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Germany Device: Hanlin V3 (LBook), GS3	(click it) and this too Last edited by LCF; 07-10-2010 at 03:04 PM.

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07-02-2010, 10:36 AM	#1366
lene1949 Wizard Posts: 1,952 Karma: 213930 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Middelfart, Denmark Device: Kindle paper white	Why She Changed Hotels Last week, I checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a bit lonely. I thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages." I looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony -a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and I felt quite certain I could bounce a 10 cent coin off his well oiled bum.... you get the picture. I figured, what the heck, I'll give him a call. "Hello, ma'am, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid I would lose my nerve if I hesitated I rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night -tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything baby. Now how does that sound?" He says, "Oh my God... that sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

07-02-2010, 10:40 AM	#1367
lene1949 Wizard Posts: 1,952 Karma: 213930 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Middelfart, Denmark Device: Kindle paper white	WHAT A MARVELLOUS STORY ABOUT “COMMON SENSE” VERSUS IDIOSYNCRACY AND IDIOT BEAUROCRACY !!!!! The Australian Government and the NSW Forestry Service were presenting an alternative to NSW sheep farmers for controlling the dingo population. It seems that after years of the sheep farmers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the Labour Government (Peter Garrett - Environmental Minister), the NSW Forestry Service and the Greens tree-huggers had a 'more humane' solution. What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males would then be castrated and let loose again. Therefore the population would be controlled. This was ACTUALLY proposed to the NSW Sheep farmers Association and Farming Association by the Federal Government and the NSW Forestry Service./ All of the sheep farmers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes. Finally, one of the old boys in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, ‘Mr Garrett, son, I don't think you understand our problem. Those dingo’s ain't f…… our sheep - they're eatin' 'em!!' You should have been there to hear the roar of laughter as Mr Peter Garrett and the members of the NSW Forestry Service , the Greens and the other "tree huggers" left the meeting very "sheepishly".

07-02-2010, 10:41 AM	#1368
lene1949 Wizard Posts: 1,952 Karma: 213930 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Middelfart, Denmark Device: Kindle paper white	-----Irish farmer A man owned a small farm in Ireland . The Irish Internal Revenue determined he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent an investigator out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them!", demanded the investigator. "Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. "The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board." "Then there's the halfwit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 a week. He pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally." "That's the guy I want to talk to...the halfwit!" said the agent. "That would be me," replied the farmer.

07-02-2010, 10:57 AM	#1369
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,918 Karma: 119747553 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	Thanks for the giggled Lene!

07-05-2010, 06:50 PM	#1370
Over Wizard Posts: 1,462 Karma: 6061516 Join Date: May 2008 Location: Cascais, Portugal Device: Kindle PW, Samsung Galaxy Note Pro 12.2", OnePlus 6

07-07-2010, 02:46 PM	#1371
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

07-07-2010, 08:05 PM	#1372
happy_terd Banned Posts: 13,045 Karma: 10105011 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Finally made it to Walmart. Device: PRS 420	Oils are usually labeled one of two way, either what it is made out of or what it is for. For example corn oil or vegetable oil vs motor oil, butt oil, and baby oil.

07-07-2010, 08:49 PM	#1373
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,918 Karma: 119747553 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	like anusoil? speaking of that, aren't you supposed to be exercising?

07-07-2010, 09:04 PM	#1375
happy_terd Banned Posts: 13,045 Karma: 10105011 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Finally made it to Walmart. Device: PRS 420	stretch warm up 3 X 10s 10 min break (usually filled with more stretching) 2 X 8s cool down stretch I can usually post once or twice unless I am on a set of exercises or on cool down

07-07-2010, 09:05 PM	#1376
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,918 Karma: 119747553 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	I think you are bionically connected to the internet and MR.

07-07-2010, 09:25 PM	#1377
happy_terd Banned Posts: 13,045 Karma: 10105011 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Finally made it to Walmart. Device: PRS 420	Most of my best posts are during work hours.

07-08-2010, 08:44 AM	#1379
happy_terd Banned Posts: 13,045 Karma: 10105011 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Finally made it to Walmart. Device: PRS 420	...and they detach.